Trans4mind Home Page

Differing Sexual Needs

Differing Sexual Needs

Robert Elias Najemy

Life Situations and Lessons Series

Fanny lost her desire for sexual contact early in her marriage.

This has become a serious problem for her husband Dennis. Although he tries not to take it personally, he cannot help feeling rejected and demeaned as a man. Also, his biological needs cause him to suffer, especially at night.

Fanny loves Dennis and feels badly about her inability to make love to him. She is blocked by a subconscious aversion toward the male reproductive organ and the sexual act itself. Although she is not aware of the reason, both the male organ and the act of sex seem dirty to her. Her search into why she feels this way has been fruitless until now.

Dennis also loves Fanny very much. This problem, however, causes him to feel great injustice. He needs this contact physically and emotionally. Fanny understands and respects his need, but feels very much pressured by him and also suffers from an unconquerable aversion when he approaches her sexually.

This fear of his approaching her causes her to avoid all contact, even simple affection, so he will not be aroused and the energy between them will not become sexual. She has begun occupying herself with a many activities outside the home, using up large quantities of energy and avoiding Dennis. She also leaves on the weekends for seminars or retreats. She has found some meaning, but also perhaps some escape.

This adds to Dennis?s feelings of injustice and hurt. He seldom sees her at home and would like to spend some quality time with his wife.

What could each of them have to learn?


1. Does she need to work more deeply on discovering the cause of her fear and repulsion toward the male organ and sexual union?
2. Does she need to force herself to accept her husband sexually even though she does not feel it?
3. Or is her lesson to accept this problem and let her husband work it out from his end?
4. Should she be staying home more with her family even if this does not fulfill her as much as her other activities and even if their material needs are cared for?
5. Should she be there at home creating with her presence a sense of family?
6. Should she feel responsible for Dennis?s unhappiness or not?
7. What does she need in order to find a balance?
8. Does she need to free herself from the belief that sex is dirty or evil?
9. Should she give him more affection and loving affirmation so he can feel her love?
10. Must she distinguish between affection, hugging and caressing and sex?
11. Does she need to express her needs and beliefs to him more clearly, lovingly and assertively without feeling responsible for his reality?
12. Does she need to overcome any negativity she is feeling toward him?


1. Should he pressure his wife to accept physical contact with him?
2. Should he insist that she stay at home more?
3. Is his lesson to accept this absence of sexual contact?
4. Is he in any way doing something that repulses his wife?
5. Does he need to understand her problem and not take this situation personally?
6. How can he find his happiness without doing injustice to his wife?
7. Should he become less focused on the sexual level for pleasure, relaxation or affirmation of himself as a man?
8. Can he feel her love and caring for him without its verification through the sexual act?
9. Does he need to discover if she may not be having some negative feelings toward him because of something he has or has not done?
10. Can he love and feel close to her even if she cannot give him what he needs?
11. Should he express his needs with an I- message, helping her to understand how he feels?
12. Perhaps he should let her overcome this in her own way and timing?
13. Has the time come to become more spiritually oriented and direct his energies in other directions?
14. Or to love and accept himself more and realize that his self-worth is not dependent upon whether she wants him sexually or not?

If you are in a position similar to Fanny or Dennis, look through these lists of possible lessons and observe which seem to ring a bell in your inner self. Also be aware that you may have a number of the above-listed lessons as well as others which are not listed.

Within you know your lessons. If you need help, visit for greater clarity.

(Adapted from the forthcoming "Relationships of Conscious Love" by Robert Elias Najemy. His book "The Psychology of Happiness" (ISBN 0-9710116-0-5) is available at

About the Author
Robert Elias Najemy is the author of over 600 articles, 400 lecture cassettes on Human Harmony and 20 books, which have sold over 100,000 copies.
He is the Founder and director of the Center for Harmonious Living in Greece with 3700 members.
His book The Psychology of Happiness; ISBN 0-9710116-0-5 is available at

From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...

View all the Hypnosis Downloads here

The New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program
is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
We think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
Copyright © 1997-2018 Trans4mind Ltd