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The Power That Controls Our Lives

By Barbara White

Deep within each of us lie two things that control our lives and the way we live them. Our behavior and attitudes and lifestyle are governed by them. If we want to change our life then we need to look at these foundational things that have governed us all our lives. These foundations are our beliefs and our values. They color our lives even though we may not be aware of them. They are deeply affected by our upbringing and the things that have happened to us and the conclusions we have drawn from those things.

Let us look at our beliefs in particular. Our beliefs have a positive or negative influence on us. If we have experienced bad parenting we will have some basic beliefs based on the experience with the first two important relationships in our life. Perhaps your father was abusive, or neglectful. That will have set up a unconscious foundational belief based on that experience that will flow into your perception of all other men. You will compare men to the first role model of a man that you had. You may even have a deep belief that all men are like your father and a response of distrust of men, or an expectation that all men will neglect you.

Here are 3 quotes that demonstrate the power of our beliefs.

"If you believe you can, you probably can. If you believe you won't, you most assuredly won't. Belief is the ignition switch that gets you off the launching pad." -- Denis Waitley

"The most important thing about a man is what he believes in the depth of his being. This is the thing that makes him what he is, the thing that organizes him and feeds him; the thing that keeps him going in the face of untoward circumstances; the thing that gives him resistance and drive." -- Hugh Stevenson Tigner

"If you think a certain thought long enough and hard enough, it becomes a fixed belief and you will find yourself behaving on the outside in a manner consistent with it." -- Brian Tracy

Our beliefs will have a positive or negative effect on our life. We do however have a choice. We can choose what we believe, we can change what we believe.

First however we need to uncover what we believe. Take notice of fears and reactions as you live your life. They come from beliefs that you have, but you need to dig down to find the root. If, for example, the root is your experience of a bad father -face that experience and uncover the lie that you have believed from that experience. Your father was only one man; he made choices that were not good for you. Every other man is not your father, every other man does have to not make those choices and behave that way. You can choose to recognize the reality of your experience with your father and his actions, yet at the same time choose to believe that he does not typify what all men are like. He was a bad role model to you of what a man is like, but there are many men who are good fathers and treat their children the way you yourself would have liked your father to treat you.

That belief has been fed by your perceptions and expectations of men colored by your experience over many years and is deeply rooted in you. It will not change over night, but you can make a start to re-evaluate that belief and choose to believe differently. As you choose to change a belief, you will start to see changes in your behavior and responses. Start affirming the new belief that you have chosen, and look for evidence around you that confirms its truth.

Take back the power of false beliefs from your life and see the changes you desire.

About the author:
Barbara White is the President of Beyond Better Development. As a speaker and author, Barbara brings her passion and expertise in leadership development to work with people to help them grow towards excellence in their personal and professional life.


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