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Increase Your Self Esteem With This Simple Method

By Steve Holloway

Low Self Esteem is essentially a civil war. It is an internal battle between two belief systems that disagree. We often spot the struggle between these two in our behavior causing emotional torment.

Another way to look at this is as a lack of integrity. Integrity means "wholeness". It is when beliefs and actions are congruent. If they lack congruency then we end up in conflict and our pride in ourselves plummets.

You may find that you see and feel very differently about yourself in different contexts. At home you maybe clear and confident about who you are, and yet when you get to your workplace you feel like you're falling apart - as though you are a completely different person. Then again the reverse maybe true; at work you're astounded by how confident and positive you are, but then in another context you a gibbering wreck.

Each day we face situations that trigger our belief systems. If you find yourself in a situation (or live permanently in that state)you will be in a war zone - each belief is being challenged and therefore whatever you do will react strongly to it. The result? A lack of self pride and respect.

Let me explain it this way. My brother heard a statistic that you are more likely to end up in prison that change you bank. So when his wife suggested changing banks he said "No. I don't want to go to prison". Okay it's a silly example but you see that the beliefs he had led to an irrational conclusion, creating inner civil war. He will now remain with a bank that over charges, gives bad customer service and has lousy interest rates based on a fear of going to prison!!

Let me give you another really simple example:

# Belief no1 - Mum's should always patient.

# Belief no2 - Mum's are busy.

# Belief no3 - Every child needs a good mum.

# Belief no4 - "Bad parenting negatively affects children's security.

# Belief no5 - All insecure children fail to succeed and end up nowhere.

The above set of beliefs operates as a system. The likely outcome is that if through tiredness, circumstances or just plain old frustration a mum is impatient with their child; she will feel like a "bad mum and to her that means her child is doomed to fail.

Whether your low esteem has been a part of you for as long as you can remember, whether it comes and goes, or has just arrived out of the blue. You will find that the key to addressing it is in your belief systems.

Let me just clarify what I mean by your "belief system". Beliefs are values and truths you hold to be true. A system is a group of independent but interrelated elements comprising a unified whole - a complex of methods or rules governing behavior.

If you are going to beat low self esteem you have to face the lack of integrity (wholeness) in your beliefs and actions. Change one and you are on your way to a complete, balanced life full of pride and respect.

For more information and a free copy of my book go to

(c) 2005 Steve Holloway

About The Author
Steve Holloway is a professional speaker and author on the subjects of leadership, inspiration and self development.

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