Loving Yourself Unconditionally
By Kalandar Dominique Wirz
Most religions teach us altruism and to "love your neighbor like yourself".
Have you ever wondered, whether your neighbor would actually like that?
Because, frankly speaking, how much do YOU love yourself?
Of course we all love ourselves. Easy! We love ourselves in those times when things go well, when we do the right things, when we act gracefully, when we are likable and can feel proud of ourselves.
But what about the other times? When you make a fool out of yourself? When you act like an idiot? When you fail or, even worse, behave in an ugly way? When you feel ashamed and stupid and not proud of yourself one bit?
Do you still love yourself then? Or do you abandon yourself in shame and guilt?
In other words: Is your love for your self conditional or unconditional?
It's an important question. It's the question that makes all the difference in your life!
YOU! Fundamentally you are good. Your innermost core, that which is you, is divine.
And chances are that you try your very best to express that and you try to live up to your divine potential (you probably wouldn't be reading this otherwise).
Chances also are, that you are not 100 % successful in living up to your divine potential.
And chances are, that this is exactly when you regularly abandon yourself and stop loving yourself.
How does that feel, when you stop loving your self?
Imagine a little child, innocent, vulnerable, open. And that little child has a friend. A big one, bigger and stronger and much more powerful than the child itself. And the little child loves and trusts that big friend absolutely.
But every time the child does something wrong, maybe something it doesn't even know is wrong, the big friend just goes and abandons the little kid. Just doesn't love it anymore.
The child would probably just stand there, alone and utterly confused and hurt and it's self esteem would be completely undermined.
And because the child trusts and loves the big friend, and because the big friend seems so much more powerful than the child, at some point the child would side with the big friend and abandon itself.
Does that sound familiar to you? Is that what happened to you as a kid? Then the chances are, that you are still doing exactly this: abandoning yourself and stop loving yourself every time you do wrong. And maybe even when you don't do anything wrong, because by now your self esteem has suffered so much, that you just in general don't trust your self any more
Having grown up you are now both: The child and the big friend. And as that child you deserve unconditional love. You always have and you always will. It is the single most important thing you need to grow, become beautiful and flower into your full divine self. And the one person who needs to give you that unconditional love is YOU.
How is change possible, how can you be fulfilled, when the very closest friend you have, YOU, walks away from you. And if YOU don't take care of that frightened, abandoned little child in you, who else will?
Now I'm not saying you are always likable. That's conditional. You might be a real shit sometimes. Then you might not be likable.
But you are always lovable. Unconditionally.
You might also not always find it easy to love yourself. And you might ever so often completely forget to love yourself.
But the one thing you can decide right now, is to be willing to always love yourself unconditionally.
If you decide that, then whenever you realize you are abandoning yourself, you can come back to loving yourself.
It doesn't mean you approve of everything you do. In fact, loving yourself unconditionally is what gives you the possibility to disapprove of your acts because you no longer need to identify with your acts. That makes it the most powerful tool to help you take responsibility for your mistakes and change.
So if there is ONE thing you want to do for your self: Make a pact with yourself. Make a conscious decision: To be willing to always love yourself unconditionally. That is enough to change your life.
About The Author
Kalandar Dominique Wirz is a Life Coach, specializing in working with people who embark on a spiritual path. He loves supporting people to live a life of blossoming and overflow, both in the spiritual and the material world, to bridge the gap we often create between the sacred and the mundane.
Kalandar has worked with people in spiritual and therapeutical processes for more than 15 years and still very much enjoys the ride himself.
He is happily married, has two beautiful daughters and loves life and a good laugh. He is 44 years old and currently lives in Switzerland. His friends say he's a hedonist and a good person, and they are probably right.
Kalandar believes that life should be beautiful and love is what we are here for.
If you would like to meet Kalandar or work with him you can contact him at
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