How Do You Habitually Treat Yourself?
In order to learn how to relieve ourselves of self-defeating
patterns, the obvious first step is to become aware of what
these patterns are.
The easiest way to do this is simply to become a casual
observer of your own behavior and to take stock of how you
treat yourself. Note both the negative and the positive
Don't make a big chore of this. Simply intend to "hear"
what you tell yourself as you go about your business.
Notice how you "look" at yourself. Do you ever smile at
yourself in the mirror? Do you ever greet yourself as
someone you're glad to see?
After you've monitored yourself for a day or two, ask
yourself which one of these categories you fall into.
1) You always look at yourself with a hypercritical eye and
you often mentally refer to yourself as stupid, lazy,
clumsy, ugly, gross, or other demeaning terms.
You constantly require outside validation in order to feel
even halfway decent about yourself.
2) You maintain a 'neutral' approach to your own person,
hardly even noticing anything in particular about yourself.
You just take yourself, your appearance, and your
performance for granted.
It's almost as if you were a non-entity whose job it is to
just keep showing up, but you certainly don't take any real
pleasure in your own company. You base your worth primarily
on how others react to you.
3) You make a point of it to treat yourself with the utmost
respect. You speak to yourself in only the most courteous
and encouraging tones. You actively note and register
appreciation for your most likeable qualities and you enjoy
your own company. You maintain this outlook despite what
others' opinions of you may be. After all, it is your
opinion and validation that matter to you most.
Clearly, this last option is what we are striving for.
Contrary to what some may think, this is not vanity or
egotism. It is self-affirmation. It is creating a friendly
- alliance' with someone who will be with you the rest of
Other people come and go, and among the ones who stay, they
are primarily focused on their own lives.
It is no one's responsibility but your own to validate your
existence. You are the only one who can provide yourself
with the constant, abiding, unconditional acceptance that we
~ Tips for Improvement ~
Tip #1 'Every time you look in the mirror, look yourself in
the eye. Stay there, don't look away. (Some people have
trouble doing even this much.) Now, smile at yourself with
just your eyes, nothing phony.
Acknowledge the face in the glass as a dear friend, whose
opinion you admire, whose support you feel privileged to
have. THIS is the person you most want on your side. Not
the big 'they' out there, as in 'What will 'they' think?'
It is now: 'What do YOU think, my dear friend in the looking
Tip #2 'Immediately drop any negative, hateful or
belittling remarks to yourself. This includes any unspoken
For example, do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and
groan? I'm sorry, but I must tell you that this is just
plain rude! How do you think you would react if someone
else did that to you? Wouldn't you be insulted and hurt and
just a little appalled at that person's bad manners?
And would it ever occur to you to treat one of your friends
that way? You wouldn't do it! You would realize how unkind
and tactless such a reaction would be. You would probably
look at your friend with compassionate concern. You might
wonder if he is sick or if he's been getting enough rest,
but you certainly wouldn't look at him and say, 'Ugh!'
So why is it that people let themselves get away with
treating themselves so shabbily? Perhaps no one has ever
pointed this out to you before. Or maybe you have never
given yourself permission to treat yourself gently before.
Now that you've been made aware of this, I trust you will
find it easy and highly desirable to make these simple
changes. And these two changes alone will result in some
profound internal shifts.
So the new order of the day is this: If it's not something
that you would say or do to a cherished friend, then you do
not say or do it to yourself, period.
I hope that you will give these techniques a serious workout.
Your emotional well-being is well worth the effort. It is the
foundation upon which all else will be built.
About the Author
Rosella Aranda, marketer and writer, helps entrepreneurs
change their thinking and escape limitations permanently.
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