My Relationship 'Am I Being Naughty or Nice?
You know the type the real nice guy/girl, or do you? What are there motives. Some people boost their self esteem, by what others think of them. They spend all their time being the sort of person others expect of them. They bask in the glow of other people saying isn't that person nice. However this is not being honest, it is emotionally dependant and selfish. You are acting like a chameleon and changing your personae for every person you meet.
No one can base their self esteem on what others think of them. In the long term you become resentful, and exert a type of emotional blackmail to others. I am so nice and caring and considerate to you how can you let me down, and not give me the love I need in return.
You get others to love you when you have actually earned their respect. Otherwise you are like a willow blowing all over the place, superficially, people will think of you as nice, but somewhere along the line your friends are going to fall in. You are actually not being nice you are a "victim" a slave to the thoughts of others.
Self esteem only comes from within. The admiration of others is not going to give you long term satisfaction.
We are all trained as children to please others, but their is a point in all our lives when we have to grow up and become our own person.
You are conning yourself if you think that you can go through your whole life like that. Actually you can and many people before you have tried and failed.
When you start to be honest with yourself you grow as a person. This is a difficult process for all of us, but we all need to change to be healthy people.
There are times in life when we have to let people down, however that is no excuse for doing so in an unfeeling manner. Be honest, and give a valid
reason why you cannot deliver what someone wants.The first time you do this is the hardest, because it goes against most people's training. However it does have to be done at some point. The first time I did it, I can remember decades later. At the time I thought the whole world would come to an end, but ten seconds later the world was still spinning on the same axis.
I had taken the first step in a process which would genuinely earn the respect of my peers, I had taken the first step to self respect. I know it is hard to face up to the fact that you may not always want or be able to help others, but to be true to yourself you need to acknowledge this fact.
Stored up anger at other people is depressing to your psyche, it crushes your soul. To be a healthy individual you have to acknowledge your own needs, and be able to appraisse them honestly. This is a huge step forward, you start to earn the respect of others. I am not suggesting that you trample on other people's feelings, but be aware at times you are going to hurt others. Stop being emotionally greedy and thinking that love and appreciation is your right, it isn't for any of us.
You are being weak if you feel that others can boost your moral, it is yours and no one elses and only you can boost it. You boost it being by being forgiving about your foibles, learning to accept them and the fact that others will respect your honesty. Don't be selfish learn to live.
This information is valid for both genders, as trust and respect are the founder cornerstones for intimacy. Before you can build this into your dating repetoire you have to build it into your life. Honesty is a vital part of a longterm viable marriage, we would flounder on anything less. However, we need to learn that skill before we date successfully. When you value yourself as a real person, you will feel less pressured and depressed.
Others who may have been shunning your company as a result of your supressed anger will start to reappraise you. People will like you for yourself.