Trans4mind Home Page
~ A Journey of Self-Discovery ~

Explore Article Library

Enhance Relationships at home and at Work: 5 Steps to Becoming an Excellent Listener

Nature has given to men one tongue, but two ears, that we may hear from others twice as much as we speak.' Epictetus, Greek Philosopher

How well we listen determines the quality of our connections with others whether at home or work. Yet, most of us did not master excellent communication skills in our family of origin. In fact, most of us haven't taken any formal training in the art of communication. And, as far as communication goes, listening is definitely the key. Luckily, anyone can learn these skills. Excellence is developed with practice. The following steps will help you sharpen your listening skills.

1)Maintain good eye contact with the person you are talking to. Eye contact is imperative in conversation, and makes it possible for you to sense the underlying emotions as well as to assess facial expression and body language. Good eye contact says you are listening and are interested in the person and the conversation.

2)Empty your head of your own agenda, and listen to what the speaker is saying. This is especially difficult if you disagree with what the speaker is saying or have another opinion. Remember, you will have your turn to speak. Overcome the temptation to jump in with your own opinion until you have truly explored what the other person has to say. (This is particularly hard if you happen to be talking with your teenager!)

3)Check out what you have heard by stating what you thought you heard back to the person you are speaking to. Say something like, 'What I hear you saying is'' 'Is that right?'

If the person you are talking to agrees that you heard accurately, great! If they say, 'No, what I said was'' 'believe them. Don't argue or come back with, 'That is too what you said.' It is amazing how many times individuals I am working with in communication skills will argue with their partner about what the partner said or meant! We all have a tendency to distort somewhat based on our own experiences. That is why reflecting back what we thought we heard is important.

4)Ask open-ended questions about the content or information being shared. Open-ended questions cannot be answered with 'yes' or 'no'. They invite the speaker to give you more information and to expand on what they are saying. Open-ended questions often start with 'how' or 'what', or 'tell me more - -

5)Try to imagine how the person you are talking to feels about what they are talking about. This is a skill called 'empathy' and is essential for close, meaningful conversation. Share back your sense of how the information is impacting them, such as, 'That must make you happy.' Or, 'It must be hard for you when that happens.' Connecting on an emotional level shows you are listening and truly understand them.

If you practice these five steps faithfully, you will be amazed at how much better your relationships will become both at home and at work.

About the Author
Pat Swan, M.S., CMFT: Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, Trainer, Author of 'Watch Out! Your Relationships Can Be Hazardous To Your Health.' Subscribe to FREE ezine 'The Skillville Scoop'. Mail to


Careers & Employment
Grief & Loss
Kids & Teens
Public Speaking
Self Help
Self Improvement & Motivation
Sexual Relations
Stress Management
Travel and Leisure

From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:

Want to renew your life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of holistic personal development...
Start off with a Free Life Assessment and a Free Consultation...

Have a question about Trans4mind Training?

Frequently Asked Questions
What Are Our Fees?
Email Peter Shepherd

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...

Welcome to the New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program
is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
We think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
And here's a fantastic resource for self-education...

The World of Inspiration eLibrary

World of Inspiration
A treasure trove of personal development wisdom

Step inside. Just like a real library, there are thousands of quality eBooks presented on three "floors" and in different "rooms." To purchase your $15 Lifetime Membership to the World of Inspiration eLibrary, click the following button:

Payment is made through our secure transaction agent, PayPal.
The transaction is in the language and currency of your choice.
"I want to just say 'WOW!' This collection is probably the best money I ever spent! I've already received many times over in personal enrichment after just 9 days. I've had a past metaphysical background, but even newcomers to this material will really benefit. Thanks again." ~ J.S. (Pennsylvania, USA)
"The collection is everything which you promised. And more! A superb contribution to the good of the world. Many thanks indeed." ~ R.P. (Georgia, USA)
"Just a short note of thanks for the library. I've only had membership for several days now but I already feel this is perhaps the most interesting compilation I have yet seen. Worth far more than the price of admission. The browser linked structure works well and makes it easy to manage such a large storehouse of information. It is rarely that I find something I like as much as this or that I feel strongly enough to write a note like this." ~ P.W. (Minnesota, USA)
Copyright © 1997-2016 Trans4mind Ltd