Trans4mind Home Page
~ Making the Human Heart Visible ~

Looking for a better life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of holistic personal development, combined with personal support from expert life coaches.

Explore Article Library


Parenting Tips to Create the Family You Desire

By Lisa Martelli

There has been much attention in the media of late on the transformation of families, Dr Phil's Phenomenal Family Series and Super Nanny to name a few. I recently had the pleasure of being featured on a radio program, Coaching Corners in New York in which I spoke about creating your dream family by becoming the parent you want to be. Many parents have this hope but do not know where to begin and how to get there. Others know what to do but get side tracked; finding their present state of their family is far from what they want it to be. I hope this article will help those who are new parents create your dream family and those seeking to transform your family. I want to make parenting easier, more meaningful and encourage parents in their efforts.

Create your vision of your dream family.

Look beyond the immediate behavior or situation seeking to be changed. Rather than focus on quick solutions, consider the big picture. The big picture reflects the long term or the more important values you are trying to make an impact upon. Corporations and businesses find they are more successful with a vision and mission statement to guide the daily efforts of their leaders and teams. You are leading your family toward a vision.

Ask yourself:

What are your values and greatest desires for your family?

Who are your parent role models and mentors?

What families do you aspire to be like?

What is your definition of success and happiness for your family?

What experiences from childhood do you want to bring or not to your parenting?

When considering your vision, you want to capture the essence of what you value and want to create.

Some examples of possible family visions include:

1. To teach and influence my children to be generous in spirit, have a contribution to make and become responsible citizens.

2. I want my home to be a safe haven, a place of laughter and fun in which my children

want to be home and the neighborhood children feel welcome.

3. I want to create a family which values learning and curiosity and celebration of one's uniqueness.

The above 3 combined can be one family's vision statement. It is important to note, one's vision and values are not to be judged. There are different versions of success and happiness.

Change yourself and you will have influence over the destiny of your family.

You can influence the outcome of your child's self-esteem, behaviors, and values through your relationship, approach and modeling. Pay attention to how your communication, discipline methods, use of family time, habits and routines, and activities supports your vision. Many parents seek help with discipline issues. One of the most common errors a parent makes is in focusing on the wished for outcome. It is easy to get attached to the outcome of your efforts. The more attached to needing your child to change, the more likely to become frustrated and unwilling to stay focused on you.

Here are some suggestions:

Be very clear and focused on what you want to create (rather than stop)

Let go of needing your children to be different

Recognize and change your own behavior which interferes

Have faith and patience with the process

One size does not fit all.

Over the course of my 18 year career working with families, many parents have sought my services to deal with problem behavior hoping to find the "right strategy to "cure the behavior of their child. There are some strategies suited for some parents and some to others. Parents sift through many books seeking to find the answer. Some books conflict with others, some walk you through each step with what to expect and how to respond. It can seem overwhelming and confusing.

Instead of searching for the "right way to raise your children, you can:

Experiment with approaches which seem in line with your philosophy

Explore new possibilities, be creative

Grow along with your children, learning from mistakes, being willing to struggle

Use your unique strengths and skills

Pay attention to your intuition

When you keep the big picture in mind, the choice of parenting strategy will become apparent to you. In other words, have a vision and your approach will follow hence making parenting easier and more meaningful.

Change necessary areas of your life to support your family vision.

You can make your family a priority without losing yourself or your marriage in the process. Staying on track with your parenting efforts can be supported by other areas of your life.

Example areas to keep in check:

Health and well being. If you are exhausted, you will get in the way of your dream becoming reality. Adequate sleep and leisure time for self are essential. In order to take care of yourself, admit you cannot do it all, acknowledge your struggles, and accept your own limitations. Even, ask for help!

Marital and co-parenting relationship. It is very important you share a similar vision and approach to parenting. Notice what you each contribute that may be different but equally valued. Give time to yourselves as a couple. Ah, the famous last words, "Remember, when we used to"

Financial/Professional. Yes, you can seek financial/professional and family success together. It may be necessary to reevaluate the intent of your financial and work related goals if it is interfering with your family vision.

Just your interest in reading this article suggests how fortunate your child is for having you as a parent!

Copyright, Lisa Martelli, 2006

About The Author

Lisa Martelli of Baystate Coaching, www.baystatecoaching.com is a parent and career coach. She has helped parents for over 18 years become the parent they want to be and create their dream families.


AND EXPLORE...

Addictions
Astrology
Careers & Employment
Communication
Creativity
Dating
Depression
Diabetes
Diets
Divorce
Education
Environment
Ethics
Exercise
Family
Goal-Setting
Grief & Loss
Happiness
Health
Kids & Teens
Leadership
Love
Marriage
Meditation
Nutrition
Organizing
Parenting
Psychology
Public Speaking
Relationships
Schools
Self Help
Self Improvement & Motivation
Sexual Relations
Spirituality
Stress Management
Travel and Leisure
Women
Writing


From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...
 
Get a free Hypnosis Download at Facebook
Copyright © 1997-2016 Trans4mind Ltd