Trans4mind Home Page

The Crimes We Commit Against Our Marriages

Are you guilty of one or more of these "crimes" in your marriage? The crime of indifference, parallel living, failure to communicate or killing passion are crimes we often commit in our marriage.

All is not lost, with a little effort and changes in thinking; you won't be spending time in the "Crimes Against Marriage" prison. Read on and you'll be paroled from your prison sentence in no time at all.

The Crime of Indifference

As we become busier each day with the needs of our children, our employer, our community, it's easy to put the needs of our spouse on the back burner. After all, they know we love them...right?

By not keeping the needs of our spouse on the front burner, it breeds a feeling of indifference and lack of caring.

How do you overcome the indifference routine that you've fallen into? By daily acts of kindness, letting your spouse know you are thinking of them throughout the day.

Never leave the house without a deep and passionate kiss for your sweetheart...give them a little passion to remember you by for the rest of the day. With the advent of e-mail, it's extremely easy to take 30 seconds to send a note of caring, sensitivity and even enticement.

Also set aside time to have a weekly date night so your relationship can continue to grow.

The Crime of Parallel Living

What is parallel living? Parallel living is a husband and wife co-existing in the same house, but rarely interacting with each other. Although this is part of the indifference problem, it goes a step further where you live almost two separate lives in lines that are parallel and rarely cross each other's paths.

You are roommates who are polite to one another, but far from passionate and only see each other in passing.

This crime is a little more difficult to overcome because it usually includes schedules that make it difficult to interact. To overcome this "crime" there will be a need for both to sacrifice some of the activities they engage in that keep them in a parallel life.

This may include reducing the number of extracurricular activities of the reality do they really need to be playing on various sports leagues year round, taking dance, gymnastics, karate, piano and a whole myriad of other activities to "enrich' their childhood?

What a lot of kids need is some time to play, climb trees, and be kids. Many families are stretched to breaking points in activities for their children and never have time to be a family or husband and wife.

In reality, it's very easy to have each child choose one or two activities they want to participate in a year. You might be surprised how eager they are to reduce their schedule as well.

The tougher things to streamline will be the activities that you and your spouse participate in each week.

There are many noble and important causes to lend our talents, skills and efforts toward. However, life is a marathon and we need to pace ourselves to get to the end, so it's important to say no to a few of the causes, and focus on just one at a time.

As you evolve through each season of life, your focus may move from PTA to Mothers Against Drunk Driving to Meals on Wheels. Remember, if you are the President of the PTA, it's difficult to also be the Team Mom, Cub Scout Den Leader, be on an adult softball league and ever hope to see your spouse.

As you and your spouse strive to streamline a bit, you might find some activities that you could do together that would steer your lives back to the same lane rather than parallel living.

As you streamline your life, there is more time to rediscover your spouse and spend time with them.

The Crime of Failure To Communicate

Have you ever had a discussion with your spouse and when you are done, they have a confused look on their face like you we speaking some foreign language?

Sometimes it's due to the fact that we are doing some other activity as we are talking to them and aren't focusing on communicating well.

Other times we have been so heavily involved in what we're talking about, that we leave out key elements of information as we are explaining the situation to our spouse. It's like talking in shorthand, and they don't know the code.

Anytime you are communicating with anyone, but especially with those you love, it's important to take the time and effort to focus on your discussion.

This tells them that they are important enough to you that you will set aside other distractions, and that you want them to understand the message you are trying to convey.

The Crime of Killing Passion

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of "Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" has written a wonderful tongue in cheek article that helps bring this into perspective.

You'll find it on our web site in our Department under "Sex". The article is titled, "Twelve Ways to Make Your Spouse Dislike Sex". You'll glean some interesting insights as you read this article.

All kidding aside, we need to avoid the behaviors that will bring passion in our marriage to a screeching halt.

There are times when you may not be in a romantic mood, but that doesn't mean you can't show passion to your spouse.

Whether it's a passionate good-bye kiss or a tender touch, this conveys your love and passion for your spouse and doesn't necessarily mean you will be jumping into bed with them in the next 30 minutes.

Passion is defined as a strong feeling or emotion. For us to have strong feelings or emotions about our spouse, they need to be the focus of our life...our life's passion.

We know their thoughts, feelings, successes, failures, fears and joys. The interesting thing about passion is we feel what they feel if they are our passion. As we allow passion to live in our marriage, our daily interactions as well as our intimate moments will be more full and alive.

As we strive to avoid committing these 5 crimes against our marriage, we will find greater joy and happiness in not only our marriage, but in all of our life endeavors.

About the author:
Beth Young is the Senior Editor of the leading marriage advise web site,

From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...

View all the Hypnosis Downloads here

The New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program
is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
We think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
Copyright © 1997-2018 Trans4mind Ltd