Five Types of Marriages...Which Group Are You In?
There are a variety of different marriage "groups" out there. As you discover your group, you will be better able to determine if it's the group you want to be in for the rest of your life, or if some adjustments are in order.
When you got married, you were genuinely in love with your spouse. However, as the years rolled by and your time was taken up with jobs, children and other activities, you grew apart. Now you are in a marriage of convenience.
You rarely see each other, and that's okay, but you do wish you shared more than just the expenses of a household.
Just as it took time to grow apart, it will take time to grow back together. Fear not, all is not lost if you are willing to put forth the effort.
Start slowly by finding time to spend with each other and rediscover how wonderful your spouse really is. Take an interest in some of the things that interest your spouse, find some common interests to develop with each other; just start spending time together.
Look for opportunities to plan a special activity or date that will help you get reacquainted.
An abusive marriage is one where you are physically or emotionally abuse by your spouse. In many cases, this is a learned behavior from their childhood. Therefore, it can be unlearned with a lot of counseling and love.
No one should be led to believe that they belong in this group, everyone deserves a non-abusive marriage relationship.
Work on getting help for you and the abuser. If they are unwilling, then you need to get help dealing with the situation. It's important to realize that if the abuse continues, then your only choice may be to leave the relationship.
"Didn't she marry well?" was heard by many of the guests at your wedding when you have a marriage for status. Yes, it's important to marry a man that will provide for your needs. However, if you marry someone strictly for money or status and have nothing else in common...you'll soon find that money isn't everything.
What do you do if you fall in this group? It's never too late to discover things about your spouse that will endear your heart. Try to look for the good things your spouse does for your and your children. Thank them for those good things and encourage them to give of their time and not just things.
Take time to get to know your spouse and develop a relationship that is based on deeper things.
Invisible Spouse Marriage
The invisible spouse marriage is one where you or your spouse are so busy with either work or outside activities, that you never see each other except passing at the front door...if that.
There are some jobs that require a lot of time away from family. There are also people who give more time and effort to their job than their family.
This may be due to a false sense of loyalty to their employer or their desire to be the number one guy/gal at work.
Additionally, there are many great causes out there to affiliate your time and talents with. However, if it is as the expense of your spouse and family, then it's too great a cost.
Whatever the reason for your invisible marriage, it's time to stop and figure out how to reduce your outside time and increase your together time.
At first it will seem like a great sacrifice. Yet as you work together to figure out what things to streamline and what things will help grow your marriage, you'll be surprised at the joy that will return to your relationship.
These are the marriages that we all dream of, the ones where you see a sweet older couple hobbling down the sidewalk hand in hand and smiling.
These marriages don't happen by accident, they happen by positive, daily, consistent effort. It takes work to have an enduring marriage.
A marriage that will endure financial hardship, illness, troubled children, heart breaks and more is enduring because the couple gets through all these difficult times by helping each other through them.
Rather than saying, "Why me?", they say, "Why not me?" and work together to get through the current challenge. They have the ability to get through these difficult times because the have built up a storehouse of happy memories, experiences and they trust each other to the end.
They have laughed together, cried together, played together and worked together. They know they can always count on each other and that is what makes and enduring marriage endure.
This marriage is possible for each one of us, if we're willing to put forth the daily, weekly, monthly and yearly effort.
So which group are you in...and do you want to stay there? It's never too late to change groups...it just takes love, courage and a willingness to try.
About the author:
Beth Young is the Senior Editor of the leading marriage advise web site, MarriageAdvise.com.