Trans4mind Home Page
~ Making the Human Heart Visible ~

Looking for a better life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of holistic personal development, combined with personal support from expert life coaches.

Explore Article Library


5 Things You Shouldn't Do If He's Cheating on You

This may be the most important article you'll read about dealing with your husband's affair. There's plenty of information available on what to do if your husband is cheating. But very little has been written about the things you shouldn't do.

Your husband is cheating. You're not sure what to do. Before wrestling with that decision, let's focus first on what you SHOULDN - T do. Most women react blindly when they find out their husbands are having an affair. They let fear, anger, hurt, or a desire for revenge compel them to do things they later regret -- things which make it difficult or impossible to implement any worthwhile infidelity advice they may later receive.

This article will keep you from making a mistake that could sabotage the course of action you eventually decide to take. Regardless of whether you decide to leave your husband or stay with him and try to work things out, doing the wrong thing at the outset can make a bad situation worse. Let's look at 5 key things you SHOULDN - T do and examine the reasons why.

1. Don't put him out or leave him 'yet.

Instead of your first move, putting your husband out or leaving him should be your last resort. You may eventually decide to do this, but for now, it's the worst thing you can do. Right now you need to keep a close eye on what's going on. It - ll be easier to do that if the two of you are still living under the same roof. If you put him out or leave, you'll be hard-pressed to know what he's doing, short of hiring an investigator. As long as you're still together, you can keep your finger on the pulse of his affair and gather some much-needed facts. There's a lot you need to know about the situation before you can make an intelligent decision about what to do. Continue monitoring your husband's activities, attitude, the frequency of his contact with his lover and any other details concerning his affair. Write everything down in a journal for future use. Also bear in mind that as long as he's still there, you have a chance to work things out.

2. Don't tell the whole world about his infidelity.

It's natural to want to confide in somebody about your husband's affair, or rally friends and family to your side. But be very cautious about who you tell. The female friend you confide in could turn out to be the 'other woman.' Make sure you're confiding in someone you know you can trust. Confiding in a male friend about your husband's affair could complicate the situation. There are men out there who take advantage of women when they're in a vulnerable state. Telling your husband's friends or family may not produce the results you want. They might not take you seriously, or they may lie, make excuses for him, take his side, or warn him to cover his tracks. Confiding in your own family and friends can eventually come back to haunt you. Elephants aren't the only ones who never forget. Some people have a tendency to remember unpleasant events long after they've been resolved. If you and your husband decide to reconcile, they could make things difficult by harboring anger and hostility toward him for what he did to you. Or they may show resentment toward you for taking him back. Exercise caution in who you tell about your husband's affair.

3. Don't ignore his affair or pretend it's not happening.

Going into denial will only make matters worse. As traumatic as it is to find out that your husband has been cheating, you need to face the reality of the situation. Ignoring his infidelity gives him the go-ahead to continue his affair. Pretending it's not happening will make him think he's getting away with his cheating, or give him the impression that he has your silent approval. At some point you should inform your husband that you know about his affair and make it clear that you want it to stop. The sooner you confront him about his cheating, the better. The longer you wait to bring it up and express your disapproval, the more attached he will become to the other woman. And the harder it will be to get your marriage back on track. Remember too, that affairs thrive in secrecy. Sometimes, just telling your husband you know about it, will be enough to put a stop to his affair.

4. Don't confront him without the 3 P's 'Proof, a Plan, and a Purpose.

Most experts agree that you should confront your husband about his cheating. But you need to have a plan. Choose the time and place carefully so you can discuss the affair at length without interruption. DO NOT ask your husband if he's cheating. CHEATERS ALWAYS LIE. Present the evidence you've gathered that proves he's having an affair 'names, dates, places, times, absences, phone calls, physical evidence, etc. Then ask him some pointed questions about his affair: why he did it, how it started, how long it's been going on, how he feels about the other woman, what he intends to do now that you know. Listen carefully to his answers so you can accurately assess the situation. Then you'll be able to make a wise decision about what course of action to take. DO NOT CONFRONT YOUR HUSBAND WITHOUT PROOF OF HIS INFIDELITY. To do so will be a colossal waste of time. Unless you can prove he's been cheating, the information-gathering phase will never get off the ground. If you need proof, there's a way for you to get it without hiring a detective or buying software or surveillance equipment. 'Is He Cheating on You? ' 829 Telltale Signs' will help you find all the proof you need using only your eyes and ears, your personal knowledge of your husband, and the information in this book.

5. Don't waste your time and energy on the other woman.

One of the worst things you can do is become obsessed with the other woman. It's natural for you to be curious about her, but she's not worth your time and energy. Repeatedly questioning your husband about her, referring to her or dragging her name into the conversation puts the spotlight on her instead of on the real issues where it belongs. Don't obsess over the details of what happened between the two them. Concentrate on working things out between the two of you. Do not humiliate or frustrate yourself by calling or confronting the other woman and demanding that she leave your husband alone. She's not obligated to take orders from you. Harassing her or threatening her will put you on the wrong side of the law. Name-calling, criticizing or belittling the her will only make your husband come to her defense. You'll be driving them closer together instead of forcing them apart Forget about the other woman and focus your energy and efforts on getting your marriage back on track.

Will you end up sabotaging your marriage or saving it? The final outcome depends on the way you handle things when you first discover your husband's affair. In the initial stages, you may be unsure exactly what you're going to do. But at least you know what NOT to do. Whether you stay with your husband or leave him, avoiding these mistakes, leaves the way clear for whatever decision you eventually make.

© 2003 by Ruth Houston

Ruth Houston is the author of 'Is He Cheating on You? '829 Telltale Signs.' To learn more about her book, sign up for her infidelity newsletter, or receive a FREE Infidelity report and list of 29 Telltale Signs, visit her website at http://www.IsHeCheatingOnYou.com or mailto: CheatingSigns@aol.com


AND EXPLORE...

Addictions
Astrology
Careers & Employment
Communication
Creativity
Dating
Depression
Diabetes
Diets
Divorce
Education
Environment
Ethics
Exercise
Family
Goal-Setting
Grief & Loss
Happiness
Health
Kids & Teens
Leadership
Love
Marriage
Meditation
Nutrition
Organizing
Parenting
Psychology
Public Speaking
Relationships
Schools
Self Help
Self Improvement & Motivation
Sexual Relations
Spirituality
Stress Management
Travel and Leisure
Women
Writing


From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...
 
Get a free Hypnosis Download at Facebook
Copyright © 1997-2016 Trans4mind Ltd