Trans4mind Home Page

Without Love

By Wayne and Tamara

Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 30, 2002

Kendra and I have been dating almost six years. For the past three years I have constantly asked myself if she is the one. I can never come up with the answer.

I fantasize about being with other women, and it is not because Kendra lacks beauty. I feel disinterested in intimacy with her, but it was not like that in the beginning. If you asked me three years ago I would have told you I was not missing out on anything. Now that cannot be true.

I guess the biggest problem in my mind's eye is time. Because we have been together for so long, I'm not sure if I am just staying out of convenience. I am accepted by her family, she is accepted by mine, and our friends think we suit each other perfectly.

I asked my mother about her relationship with my father. She explained they were each other's best friend. They share the same goals and that works for them. I asked if their sex life was still strong. My mom said they don't have it nearly as much as in the past, but that it still happens on occasion.

Just recently I went away for a month to work out of the country and met Lissete. We connected on many levels. I promised her I would end things with Kendra when I returned home, and at first I felt great about my decision. In the course of a month Lissete and I made plans for her to come here from Holland.

Then one morning I awoke from a nightmare and felt sick to my stomach. I felt I made a mistake. I felt sick the entire day until I got the nerve to call Kendra. She agreed to meet. Suddenly I was quick to make things work with Kendra, and we decided to give it a second try.

I told Kendra about Lissete. She was upset, of course, but understood it was over in my head. Now here I am, one month later. The first few weeks were great, but I feel us slipping back to where we were. I can only think of the other girl. Lissete was heartbroken and tried to warn me this would happen, but I wouldn't listen.

Now I don't know what to do. Kendra will never break up with me, leaving me to do the dirty work if it has to be done. Who is to say I wouldn't have the same sex boredom problem with the other woman. Once again I find myself asking if I should just marry this woman who loves me to death and go on with life.


Ward, whoa! Can you hear what you're saying? Things were not right with Kendra so you ended it. You felt you deserved better. Then things were wonderful with Lissete until you felt the burden of her arrival.

Getting back together with Kendra was the easiest way to prevent that, but breaking up again is not dirty work. It is solving a problem you created. People say the grass is always greener on the other side, but that is not quite right. It is only when things are wrong in our own yard that the other side looks more inviting.

What gives things value is our emotional attachment to them. It is what makes a job not a job but a calling. But without that emotional connection things always get boring. Without love there is no lasting passion.

What you love you can do again and again, never getting bored. It isn't boring to be with someone you really love. If your passion is horses, you never get bored with horses. The movie you love, you have seen more times than you can count. But movies which are no more than special effects are boring. There is nothing to care about.

Wayne & Tamara

About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email:

From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...

View all the Hypnosis Downloads here

The New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program
is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
We think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
Copyright © 1997-2018 Trans4mind Ltd