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True Love - Part 2

By Adeyemi Adetosoye

Okay, so why would one person feel strongly about the other and the other hardly misses a beat? In my last article, I said that one of the reasons is that the "despised one probably isn't the one in the first place. But let's leave the "despiser for now and focus on the "despisee". What is the "despisee feeling? Why does he/she care so, almost to the point of ridicule?

Again, a myriad of reasons. He/she may just be a nuisance stalker or maybe has a nut loose. But what about the real honest injuns? Those with impeccable backgrounds, well schooled, polished, suave types who have got it all together? What about those types? What are they feeling, assuming there is no screw loose somewhere? Surely, at some point we have encountered those types.

The "despisee", assuming he/she isn't some lil kid with a silly crush who hardly knows what is happening half the time, may actually feel that he or she's in love. Why? BECAUSE, THE DESPISER EPITOMIZES ALL THE DESPISEE EVER WANTED IN THE OTHER PERSON, TO A LARGE EXTENT. This follows from my definition for true love (See my last article).

To a large extent, the despiser represents a whole lot of traits that the "despisee ever wanted in the first place. By the same token, it is not impossible that the "despisee doesn't posses such "charming qualities, as far as the despiser is concerned, anyway.

We mustn't be too hasty, however. What if the other person takes his or her time? Maybe he or she just doesn't like to be rushed into a relationship in the first place? Very valid point, but this would contradict my point about the despiser hardly missing a bit, wouldn't it? This second person is a whole different person from the first, because he or she really cares, has trouble making decisions of this matter, or has something or the other that is keeping him or her from making a decision right away. Anyway, such a person would generally not be fickle, in relationships. Generally, such a one wouldn't take relationships lightly.

How then do you determine into what category he or she would fall. Persons in the first category can be readily recognized by I-don't-care attitudes and contempt for the "despisee", while the other shows a sincere struggle within him or herself, to come to terms with what is going on.

Since we can tell the difference, the next issue is addressing what the issues are with this second person. This is valid, especially if one doesn't want to get hurt in the long run, or pine over what can never be.

If the issue is that such a one has trouble making decisions, then time is what will let him or her know what you are worth. It is a red flag however, a warning sign. If he has trouble making a decision and you are not the only one in his life at that moment, then, even though he or she really likes you, perhaps, YOU ARE NOT ALL THAT HE EPITOMIZES THE ONE TO BE. Perhaps.

On the other hand, if he or she is being hindered by something else, more importantly, by someone else, that is another red flag. It could be that he or she is in a relationship and met you and can't decide what to do since meeting you. Or it could be that he or she is struggling with something not yet confided to you. A dark secret, health issues, etc.

Either way, you need to encourage openness and honesty, so that you are aware of what the issues are. In this regard, depending on what the issues are, time will tell in what direction the relationship will swing. You will have to decide then what to do. Is he or she worth your getting hurt over? If so, prepare yourself for the worst case scenario; otherwise, move on. Either way, hurt may be involved.

This brings us to the second general rule for finding true love. Prepare to exercise patience, for patience is a virtue; and remember that nothing good comes easy. I'll expound further on Finding True Love, in my next article.

Knowledge is NOT power; it is only empowering".The Application of Knowledge IS power.

Christopher Adeyemi Adetosoye is author of A Man's Guide to Finding True Love and A Woman's Guide to Finding True Love, E-books.

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