LOVE IS UNDERSTANDING!!
By ROGER ALI BOCUS
LOVE IS UNDERSTANDING
Steve and Joan (husband and wife) were both on their way home from church after a Sunday morning service, when Joan upon seeing one of her male fellow employees - waved to him. This simple acknowledgment however, incited an unfavorable response from her husband Steve.
"Don't you ever do that again, eh! Steve annoyingly said.
"Don't do what? Joan innocently rejoined.
"Don't you ever wave again to any man while I am in this car, eh!"
Oh boy! As you can well imagine, this conversation was followed by anger, argument, and a pin-drop silence.
Doesn't this sound like a familiar scene to you?
Hey! Before you were married, both you and your wife had male/female friends. To expect each other to have to give up, or not relate to almost all friends of the opposite sex is totally unreasonable, unrealistic and immature. Isn't it about time we grow up?
Jealousy my friend is evidence of insecurity - Fear of Losing someone whom you claim to love - to another.
Jealousy shuts the door in the face of "INTIMACY". It will encourage your loved-one to feel afraid to share everything with you, because if they were to share certain things with you - You would respond with anger and jealousy.
There is no need for you to be constantly checking up on your partner, every hour on the hour.
So you have made a call at home or at work, and the phone is either busy or keeps on ringing unanswered. Immediately, all sorts of crazy thoughts begin to race through the insecure mind. Especially, if you have been calling every five minutes for half an hour straight and the line is busy still.
When you finally get through to the person now, you begin to pose to the individual subtle questions of insecurity under the guise of genuine concern. Trying to find out whom they were with on the phone for so long.
Distraught over who she might be speaking to or socializing with, when you are not around - Uncertain about the unknown. Feeling threatened by every male friend she may speak cordially to.
Who do you think you are fooling? With whom do you believe the problem really lies?
Man know thy self!
Do you feel that by keeping tabs on your wife like this (Isolating her also from her friends and family) - You can keep her all to yourself? Then you are wrong sir. You will only cause her to become more emotionally distant from you - Eventually losing her.
Living like this is a real mental torment. Relax, and learn to exercise TRUST.
It's practically impossible for you to watch someone for 24 hrs. straight - Everyday.
If you have been treating your partner exceptionally good, then there is no need for you to worry about him/her being unfaithful to you.
LOVE DOES NOT WORRY - LOVE TRUSTS.
Insecurity promotes domination, selfishness, manipulation, possessiveness and control.
Sir, don't you know that relationships are like eggs - very fragile. If you try to hold on to it too tightly, you can crush it - Destroy it. The gentle touch is what it takes, with just enough hold to keep and protect it.
Some years ago, I remember, there was a particular husband who was so insecure, that he found himself secretly searching through his wife's purse and mails. Literally questioning her every phone call - Suspicious of her every move. He even hired someone to follow her around. This guy was paranoid with insecurity.
Sir/Madam, if any of this behavior falls in your garden - SEEK HELP!!
Anyone would want to run away from a person like this.
About the author:
Roger Ali Bocus is an author and counselor who has dedicated his life to improving the quality of living for people, worldwide. Roger is also the President and Founder of 'The Literary Crusaders' - a non-profit Organisation whose sole purpose is to meet the needs of The Whole Person - Spiritual, Emotional, Mental and Physical. Using his over fifteen (15) years of experience as a counselor, he uses the medium of Writing to promote lasting change in the lives of his reading audience.