Trans4mind Home Page

How to Keep Her in Love with You

By Susan Dunn

It's the saddest thing to listen to a man who has lost his heart's darling. The hardest part is when they don't know why, and I hear this more often than you would imagine.

The plaintive, "But I loved her, is followed by, "I have no idea why she left."

It's bad enough to lose your love, without being stupefied on top of it all. Generally there are two explanations for this, both of which you can work on.

The first is denial, like the gentleman who told me he"d lost his wife and didn't know why but when pressed said it "might have been because he had an affair, but "it shouldn't have mattered because "she knew it didn't mean anything." The answer to this one is to quit fooling yourself. No one can pull the wool over your eyes except you. Rationalizing something you do that you know has about as much chance of hitting a home run as swinging at bad pitches, and then blaming the other person because you struck out is the victim stance. Get out of it and get responsible for what you do.

The second is from general cluelessness. If you often can't figure out what's going on around you, you may be in this category and it, too, has a remedy.

Staying in either place will insure you'll love again and lose her again. Or worse, because you're confused, you'll be afraid to love again and will choose women who are inappropriate and unavailable and then complain that it never works out. You'll stay safe, which is nice, but you'll be miserable, which isn't nice.

If you'd like to minimize that possibility, here are some tips.


EQ is emotional fluency. It's the opposite of cluelessness. It begins with being aware of your own feelings, and extends to include understanding the feelings of others - the world of feelings.

The worse this possibility sounds to you, the more you probably need it.

Many men start thinking about what's in their heart because making it a mental thing feels better, but the end result is that you'll end up confused. Women don't like to be with a man who's confused about them. They want it straight and true.

In order to relate to the woman you love, and to keep the relationship alive, you have to know about this "confusion." If not, it will die, and you can claim you don't know why, but is that what you want? Learn to know why.


The second solution is to date her.

"I did, you're saying, confused.

I mean date her continually. Continue to date her.

Most men are so good at dating, it must be innate. The trouble is, it's aimed toward the initial conquest, or getting her in bed, and then they think it can be abandoned.

"Whew, glad that's over, you think. "Now I can get back to the ball game."

Wrong! I think there's an explanation that you're a super-dater when the hormones are raging. If you interpret this as "feelings, and they die down over time, which they always do, you may not "feel like dating her any more, though you now live with her, or are married to her. The key is to not quit doing it.

Now let's define dating. What is it you do so well when you're dating? You pay attention to her. You call, you email, you send cards and flowers. You hang on her every word. You look deep into her eyes. You express your emotions verbally ("I love you." "You're beautiful."). You hang around, in fact you can't be away from her. You remember what she tells you, and you remember her birthday. You're trustworthy and you're there for her, listening endlessly and effortlessly as she talks about her emotions, her day, her dreams and plans, or your relationship. In fact it doesn't matter what she talks about, you listen and you listen as if you care, because you do. It a means to an end that you want so you're highly motivated.

If it worked so well, why don't you continue doing it?


If you want to not just get her, but keep her, you have to generate this sort of behavior not constantly, but enough. It means acting and showing your love, not just thinking about it, or worse, assuming it's no longer necessary.

Don't be one of those guys who say, "Of course I love you. I married you didn't I?" unless you want to hear one sad day, "Of course I don't love you any more. That's why I'm leaving."

How do you do this when you don't feel like it? The same way you do your job. It matters to you in the long-run, so you do it well even on a day when you don't feel like it. It's "taking care of business, and you know how to do that.

So apply this same logic to keeping the woman you love and generate the behavior you know will win you what you want.

As someone said, "You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, she is beautiful because you love her." The relationship between the two of you needs your care and attention too. You can make it beautiful and lasting as well. It's never too late to start learning how to do that.

Good luck!

About the Author
Susan Dunn, MA Psychology, Emotional Intelligence Coach, I help people become better communicators and develop their emotional intelligence through coaching, Internet courses and ebooks. Susan is the author of "Nonverbal Communication."

From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...

View all the Hypnosis Downloads here

The New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program
is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
We think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
Copyright © 1997-2018 Trans4mind Ltd