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How to Find True Love

By Ernest Quansah

By Ernest Quansah

How often have you criticized yourself for not being able to secure true love? Do you find that you are not living your full potential when it comes to having a safe and secure relationship? Finding true love is not very difficult if you do your part.

Mariko was a beautiful woman who had just begun to date a young man named Jason. She was very interested in Jason but wanted to take things slowly. Jason, on the other hand, was in a rush. Because of this Mariko decided to see how much the relationship meant to Jason by asking that they be friends first. Jason could not wait nor accept Mariko's wishes. He proceeded to give Mariko an ultimatum. Jason informed Mariko that he was very interested in her, but if she did not want to have a relationship with him, then he wanted to move on. Mariko wanted time to think about Jason's wants, but shortly thereafter Jason stopped communicating with her. Mariko did not want to lose Jason. She was concerned about her chances of meeting a guy she would like. Mariko was prepared to give Jason what he wanted. She was only doing this hoping that after she offered herself to him, the two of them could then have a meaningful relationship. Talk about self esteem and confidence! Another reason was all three men Mariko had relationships with in the past were introduced to her by friends. She honestly came to believe that that was the only way she could meet a man.

After I listened to Mariko, I took a deep breath and made a bold statement. Having dealt with clients from different cultures, I had an idea what it would take to get Mariko to understand the differences between conditional and unconditional love. I told her, "Mariko, I feel that your relationships will always fail." She replied, "Don't say that." I looked at her and said it again. "Mariko, I am not trying to offend or discourage you. If you can only date men whom your friends introduce to you, the relationship will never work." Mariko asked, "Why, why do you say that?" I replied, "Think about it for a minute. You've had three-failed relationships. You refuse to date anyone unless a friend introduces the person to you. Recently Ako introduced you to Jason. You both liked each other. Jason pressured you for sex. He was concerned that he might not get you in bed before you went back to Japan in the summer. When you told him you wanted to take it slowly, he left you." Mariko listened intently. I continued, "Have you noticed how Jason was introduced to you by Ako yet the relationship didn't work? Has it occurred to you that you have broken up with all the men you have met through friends? That in itself means you should stop thinking you can only find true love through friends introducing you to guys. When you are doing something in a certain way without success, it means you should change your approach. Try new methods just to see how they work for you."

Mariko nodded she heard, thought for a minute, and then mounted a challenge against my suggestions. It then became clear. Mariko was used to doing things a certain way. Her cultural background also contributed to her way of thinking. For example, she was the oldest amongst her friends. In her culture, younger people listened to their elders. Mariko was used to telling her friends what to do. This made her develop leadership qualities within her circle of friends. In fact, she even informed me she did not like people telling her what to do. I proceeded to inform her, "Mariko you came to me for help. When a person corrects you, it is not because the person is telling you what to do. All it means is first, you have been using certain methods to find love without success. Secondly, the person who is correcting you just wants you to succeed. Mariko, when we love people we will correct them." She was surprised to realize I cared about her success and finding a healthy and rewarding relationship that will work. No, not necessarily a soulmate, but a good, honest and loving man. Purposefully, I brought up the subject of denial and excuses. Denial and excuses are what keep people from making progress. I offered Mariko a copy of my online ebook as part of her counselling.

The next time she came to see me, she had a smile on her face. I asked her how things were coming along with her. She looked at me and said, "You are right. Sorry, I think maybe I am stupid." You are not stupid Mariko," I replied, "human beings are not stupid. You are used to doing things certain ways. That does not mean you are stupid." I had a feeling before she came to see me she thought she could find true love and must settle for Jason. Mariko told me, "It is very true. After I read your book I realized the guy for me. He is in Japan. Jason doesn't care about me. He just wants me to sleep with him. And I was ready to do it." When she said that, I felt so sad. At that point she had a look on her face as if she had finally seen the light. To make sure I had not misled her, I asked Mariko why she felt the way she did. It turned out her and the guy in Japan were a perfect match. The problem was, Mariko just like many people, could not pinpoint the right guy that would be the person she could have a relationship with. On March 4, 2003 Mariko cut her stay in North America short to return to Japan.

MY ADVICE: If someone tells you "I love you," how do you know you are not being told what you want to hear? Please, if your relationship keeps failing change your methods. Please don't allow denial and excuses prevent you from finding friendship, true love and even your soulmate if that is what you desire. I promise, you will find your true love if you do your part. Always remember the end result: if your choices are emotionally hurting you, if you must sacrifice your heart for a person just to have that person treat you like nothing, why bother? Try new method. For any relationship, friendship, soulmate or interracial relationship questions, you can contact me at the aforementioned e-mail address,

Resource Box: -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ernest Quanah is an Expert Relationship Advisor friendship coach. He is the founder of Soulmate Infoserve, and Author of "How To Identify Your Soulmate an online relationship and dating advice manual. For Powerful Relationship Advice visit his Website: : Copyright "2003 All rights reserved

About The Author
Ernest Quansah is a relationship, friendship and soulmate relationship coach/ advisor. He is the writer of online dating tips, frienship and relationship advice manual. Website

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