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Create the Relationships You've Always Wanted

By Therese Emmanuel Grey

Is your spouse, your teenager or your boss pushing your buttons? It doesn't have to be that way. You can become the master of your love relationships, work relationships and family relationships. You can bring out the best in others as well as in yourself, and enjoy healthy relationships. All you have to do is to get to know your archetypes and understand theirs.

Did you know that how you think, feel and relate to others is programmed by patterns you automatically picked up as a baby? These patterns consciously, subconsciously and unconsciously either bless or block every area of life.

The best way to understand why you do what you do in relationships, and why other people do what they do is to get to know your automatic coping patterns. These patterns are best described through four archetypes that play out in loving and unloving ways.

The first archetype to consider is the Loving Father. This is the energy that seals us with protection, direction, and self-discipline. The second archetype is the Loved Boychild. It represents our courageous and heroic side, as well as our "can-do" spirit. The third archetype is the Loving Mother. That energy provides us with inner nurturing, guidance and unconditional love. The fourth archetype is the Loved Girlchild. She is where we expand our caring, intuitive, mystical, and most artistic nature.

All of the problems in our lives originate from an imbalance, a clogging, or a distortion of these archetypes and their corresponding energies. Our Loving Father energy is often usurped by Unloving Father, our inner tyrant, critic and controller. When Loving Mother isn't strong, we fall back on Unloving Mother and abandon or spoil ourselves and others. The energy of the Loved Boychild can be overrun by Unloved Boychild, which manifests as anger, rebellion and being over-controlling. The Loved Girlchild's energy can be overcome by Unloved Girlchild, our inner victim-martyr complex.

In 1990, psychologist Caroline Hanstke and Brian Emmanuel Grey discovered that we filter life through these four universal energies. Once you can "read" these archetypes, you can change your circumstances and enjoy healthy relationships. It's like pressing the "reveal codes" on an old IBM computer. You tune into the underlying energy as to why people think, feel or behave the way they do. Then you learn to speak the same energetic language, so that your relationship problems can fade away.

Whether you are looking for marriage counseling or relationship counseling, dating advice, customer relationship management, parenting tips, anger management or spiritual healing, understanding and working with your archetypes is the first step to wholeness.

Your archetypes consciously, subconsciously and unconsciously either bless or block every area of life. Once you understand your pattern, you can unlock your hidden potential to be your best self. You can break free from self-sabotaging habits you may not even be aware of. You can "rewrite" your life script and truly make the most of what the universe has given you.

How do you respond to life? At your best, are you constructive, outgoing and motivated? Are you reserved, intuitive and caring? Do you mother everyone? When things don't go your way, do you get angry or depressed? Do you get anxious in groups for no apparent reason? Is it hard for you to fit in?

Recognizing your archetypes helps you to understand how you and others process and share the experience of life. Then, you can work to transcend your limitations by striving to access and emphasize loving energies in any given situation. Doing so will make you more competent. The emphasis of loving energies fosters the emotional intelligence you need to be steadfast, kind, and authentic. It will bring out the best in yourself and in others so you can enjoy healthy relationships.

Our archetypes are like a toolbox. We can draw upon the best archetype for every situation and person we come in contact with. This dramatically transforms how we come across to others and also influences how they relate back to us.

Generally, people who function from a strong Father archetype pursue the law. They tend to have strong boundaries and seek to download a blueprint for every situation. When their Father energy goes out of balance and becomes unloving, they can become harsh and critical toward themselves and others.

People who express a strong Mother archetype live to nurture life. They love to guide and teach others, and provide stability in any given situation. When they are threatened, they respond by either going aloof or by smothering those around them with a spoiling mechanism. Either way, they avoid further giving of themselves.

People who have a strong Boychild archetype are go-getters in life. They are highly competitive and do whatever it takes to reach their goal. When their archetype goes negative, they become overcompetitive, aggressive, and tend to run over others.

People who have a strong Girlchild archetype go with the flow. They experience life through serendipity. They are highly creative, caring and intuitive. When their sensitivity is trampled, however, the unloving side of Girlchild takes over. They become victim-martyrs and experience a lot of anxiety.

Everyone uses their four inner family archetypes in different conscious, subconscious, superconscious or unconscious combinations. These combinations reveal a lot about our personality. Find out more about how you can improve your life, your relationships and your spiritual connection by visiting or writing to Therese at

About The Author
Therese Emmanuel Grey writes and speaks about personal growth and relationships. She co-authored the book Why We Do: Four Pathways to Your Authentic Self, and The Psychology of Success: Tapping the Blueprint of your Highest Self. Find out more about how you can improve your life, your relationships and your spiritual connection by visiting or writing to Therese at

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