Trans4mind Home Page
~ A Journey of Self-Discovery ~

Explore Article Library

"Stupid Advice"

Oscar Wilde said he always passed on advice because it was
of no use whatsoever to him!

He was a wise man. But we're all wise, aren't we?
So why not give advice?

Simple: People usually do know what they're supposed to do
in any given situation, yet for one reason or another,
they're not doing it!

It is frustrating to look at someone else's dilemma and
watch them fail to take what seem obvious remedies.

Remember, everyone is unique, with complex conscious and
unconscious motivations. There are many factors to which the
advisor is not privy.

We usually just want confirmation of a decision already
made. Many of us don't trust ourselves enough to make
decisions. Psychologists say we often make a decision within
a few seconds, but feel the need to go through some checking

Pressure on someone to change their decision may work,
especially if they are unconfident. But your preferred
course of action may not suit them for hundreds of different
reasons. They are NOT you and you are NOT in their shoes. It
can even lead to disaster.

Feelgood satisfaction for the advisor is not a healthy
motivation. It's unethical to give inappropriate advice to
make yourself feel powerful or needed.

And advice is often manipulative.

My friend was having a party and couldn't decide whether to
fill the house with flowers. A third friend launched into a
whole complicated monologue about the cost of the flowers,
the work involved arranging them, and so on.

The party giver's cat wandered in. I said I wouldn't pet it
because I am allergic to long haired cats. The advice giver
immediately sympathised.

'Oh, I am allergic to so many things, I have to avoid cats,
dust mites, pollen... you name it!'

She reddened and suddenly went very quiet. Her 'advice' was
based on the fact that large number of pollen-laden flowers
would have spoiled the party for her!

An honest response would have been: 'flowers would make it
hard for me to come to your party...'

I don't give advice to psychotherapy clients. We often need
a range of options to process. I just support them in coming
up with options, that's all.

Expert opinion is valuable 'but the giver needs to detach
from the outcome.

Practical advice is different: if water is pouring out of a
burst pipe you need the person who knows the location of the

But if someone asks for more abstract 'advice' I'll first
ask what they think they should do, and if they're stuck,
I'll say, 'well, you might want to look at... etc'

That leaves it open. Because hey, if it all goes wrong I
don't want the responsibility of having made the decision
for them!

Rhiannon Hill is the author of "10 Stupid
Things That Can Screw Up Your Life" Get the
no-bull self-help book that tells it like it is...

About the Author
Rhiannon Hill is the author of "10 Stupid
Things That Can Screw Up Your Life" Get the
no-bull self-help book that tells it like it is...


Careers & Employment
Grief & Loss
Kids & Teens
Public Speaking
Self Help
Self Improvement & Motivation
Sexual Relations
Stress Management
Travel and Leisure

From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:

Want to renew your life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of holistic personal development...
Start off with a Free Life Assessment and a Free Consultation...

Have a question about Trans4mind Training?

Frequently Asked Questions
What Are Our Fees?
Email Peter Shepherd

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...

Welcome to the New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program
is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
We think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
And here's a fantastic resource for self-education...

The World of Inspiration eLibrary

World of Inspiration
A treasure trove of personal development wisdom

Step inside. Just like a real library, there are thousands of quality eBooks presented on three "floors" and in different "rooms." To purchase your $15 Lifetime Membership to the World of Inspiration eLibrary, click the following button:

Payment is made through our secure transaction agent, PayPal.
The transaction is in the language and currency of your choice.
"I want to just say 'WOW!' This collection is probably the best money I ever spent! I've already received many times over in personal enrichment after just 9 days. I've had a past metaphysical background, but even newcomers to this material will really benefit. Thanks again." ~ J.S. (Pennsylvania, USA)
"The collection is everything which you promised. And more! A superb contribution to the good of the world. Many thanks indeed." ~ R.P. (Georgia, USA)
"Just a short note of thanks for the library. I've only had membership for several days now but I already feel this is perhaps the most interesting compilation I have yet seen. Worth far more than the price of admission. The browser linked structure works well and makes it easy to manage such a large storehouse of information. It is rarely that I find something I like as much as this or that I feel strongly enough to write a note like this." ~ P.W. (Minnesota, USA)
Copyright © 1997-2016 Trans4mind Ltd