What is the First Thing to Say When You Want a Divorce?
Breaking the news to your spouse that you want a divorce is rarely easy. For most divorcing couples, arriving at the decision to divorce is not often mutual. usually, one spouse wants to make the marriage work, while the other spouse wants to end the marriage in divorce. As well, most people who are divorcing would agree that even though they dislike the conflict and know that divorce is the right answer, they also have some positive feelings toward their spouse. Not wanting to hurt their spouse, makes breaking the news that you want a divorce very difficult.
How to Make "Getting a Divorce" Go Smoothly
There is no easy way to announce to your spouse that you want to end a marriage. Based on my years of experience working with divorcing couples, that the best route is the most direct one. If you have children between you, then you need to keep in mind that your relationship as parents will continue after divorce. With that in mind, it is important that you keep lines of communication open and pave the way for the most workable parenting relationship possible. Not being up-front with your spouse is a sure fire way to put a dent in post divorce parenting.
The spouse being left is most often hurt and feeling vulnerable at the thought of divorce. Once the initial shock subsides, then most spouses react more positively when they are assured that they will not be left destitute and that their role as a parent will not be threatened.
When You Anticipate a Nasty Divorce
If on the other hand, you have reason to believe that your spouse will be unreasonable, unfair or abusive during the divorcing process, then you need to takes steps to protect yourself before telling your spouse that you want to divorce. If you are concerned that your spouse may become vendictive and use your children and money to get back at you, then you must ensure that you have your finances in place and a parenting agreement established before you move out.
Getting divorced is not a pleasant task. While there is no way to guarantee that your divorce will go smoothly, there are definately things that will make it more rocky. Not being prepared for what lies ahead is something anyone seeking a divorce must absolutely avoid.
Dr. Reena Sommer is a divorce and custody consultant. For more information about relationships, infidelity, divorce & custody, please visit her websites at:
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