Trans4mind Home Page
~ A Journey of Self-Discovery ~

Explore Article Library

Helping Children to Cope with Divorce

If you are a responsible parent facing the minefield of divorce, a prime concern will be helping your child cope with the process. If, on the other hand you are a parent who believes that old chestnut, "My child isn't bothered' or "kids take things in their stride" read on - .

It's an everyday occurrence? True, but to a child, it's something that happens to other people, not to them. Nor do they 'just' adapt, left to scrape through alone with their immature coping skills, there can be immediate or long term consequences.

A child of divorced parents is more likely to have problems with social skills, truancy, disruptive behaviour, promiscuity, isolating and future relationship difficulties. Divorce is the equivalent of bereavement to them and they can suffer deep feelings of sadness, loss and depression. Signs of hurting children vary by age, from regression or bed wetting in younger children, to anxiety, aggression, learning difficulties, lack of cooperation and complaints of physical ailments. Taking a conscious decision to stay aware of your child's feelings can minimise impact.

Is separation ever in the best interest of a child? Yes, the behavioural patterns above can also exhibit in a child living long term, within a dysfunctional or disruptive family. If a more stable, peaceful and loving environment can be created by a lone parent; the emotional wellbeing of the child can be protected by separation. Parents are primary role models and a child living in a hostile family unit is more likely to create or accept the same environment or treatment in future relationships.

Very aware of their security, it's not uncommon for a child living with warring parents to worry they will divorce. If divorce is imminent, it's preferable that they know separation is planned. Although a child should never be given any of the responsibility of deciding whether separation is best or not, it is often too easy for parents to find various excuses, which they 'think,' justifies not telling them until the divorce or separation actually occurs and the child is landed with a traumatic bombshell.. Withholding information that has such relevance to the child causes damage to, and loses of trust. They will be much better prepared when separation occurs if they have had knowledge of the situation and have been able to ask questions and express feelings along the way. Nor should a child be left vulnerable to overhearing such information, or it being divulged to them by someone else.

Wherever possible, it is preferable that parents tell a child together. Their age & maturity should be considered throughout and appropriate, considerate explanations given. They don't need graphic detail as to why the relationship is at an end, but they need some explanation and their questions may deepen through time.

In divorce, a parent overwhelmed with their own distress can allow the child to become their emotional caretakers, role reversal takes place. Self restraint is essential, with the parent taking responsibility for self. If help or support is needed, much is available and there is never need to burden the child. Giving the child such responsibility discourages them from feeling their own emotions and they can appear to be coping when they are not. Acknowledge they have feelings and give them space to express themselves.

Eliminating blame is important. A child will often feel that they did something to cause the break-up or that if they had behaved differently, it would not have happened. Stability is important too, and wherever possible, its best if the child can keep the same school and as many of the same routines and activities as they enjoyed before.

Okay, so you may have, or feel you have the ex from hell, but your child's self image is closely linked to both of you. Every hit on your ex's persona is a direct hit on your child's self esteem. Also, if you express animosity towards your ex, or try to disrupt the relationship between them and your child, the child will suffer from divided loyalties. This is confusing, damaging and hurtful and they will feel obligated to agree with your thoughts. It is best to keep the lid on any derogatory opinions you may have about your ex. It is paramount that the child knows the relationship between you and your partner may be at an end but their relationship with the absent parent carries on.

It is equally preferable if parents can maintain an amicable relationship, at least for communications involving the child. The child should not be used as a go between, not only is it upsetting to them, but it's a sure way to create a shrewd child manipulator. Family mediation can be invaluable if amicability is difficult to achieve and may also vastly reduce costs of messy divorce proceedings.

Children need fathers and predominantly, mothers gain custody. This is not always right, but a society blip we live with. Often contact between father and child decreases, eventually becoming non existent. Fathers in general, take the rap for this and although it can, on rare occasion, be the case they just 'build a new life', often it's due to the pressures and difficulties they face trying to maintain a constructive relationship with their child. Also on some occasions, the parent with custody makes contact difficult for them. Fathers can face enormous guilt burdens and sometimes maintaining contact becomes too painful for them and they withdraw from the relationship. Furthermore, the parent with responsibility can feel like the big bad wolf as they tend to be responsible for discipline and daily structure, possibly faced with financial difficulties too, they can become resentful towards the absent parent. The absent parent can feel unwanted, shut out and not important anymore and often they lose the possibility for involvement in the child's day to day to life. The long term aim should be allowing your child to have a loving, trustworthy relationship with both parents.

Shan' is a new life writer who covers many subject areas, from sexuality & relationships, to creativity, abuse recovery and more. More of Shan's writing can be found at along with her in progress autobiography and a support and discussion forum


Careers & Employment
Grief & Loss
Kids & Teens
Public Speaking
Self Help
Self Improvement & Motivation
Sexual Relations
Stress Management
Travel and Leisure

From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:

Want to renew your life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of holistic personal development...
Start off with a Free Life Assessment and a Free Consultation...

Have a question about Trans4mind Training?

Frequently Asked Questions
What Are Our Fees?
Email Peter Shepherd

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...

Welcome to the New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program
is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
We think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
And here's a fantastic resource for self-education...

The World of Inspiration eLibrary

World of Inspiration
A treasure trove of personal development wisdom

Step inside. Just like a real library, there are thousands of quality eBooks presented on three "floors" and in different "rooms." To purchase your $15 Lifetime Membership to the World of Inspiration eLibrary, click the following button:

Payment is made through our secure transaction agent, PayPal.
The transaction is in the language and currency of your choice.
"I want to just say 'WOW!' This collection is probably the best money I ever spent! I've already received many times over in personal enrichment after just 9 days. I've had a past metaphysical background, but even newcomers to this material will really benefit. Thanks again." ~ J.S. (Pennsylvania, USA)
"The collection is everything which you promised. And more! A superb contribution to the good of the world. Many thanks indeed." ~ R.P. (Georgia, USA)
"Just a short note of thanks for the library. I've only had membership for several days now but I already feel this is perhaps the most interesting compilation I have yet seen. Worth far more than the price of admission. The browser linked structure works well and makes it easy to manage such a large storehouse of information. It is rarely that I find something I like as much as this or that I feel strongly enough to write a note like this." ~ P.W. (Minnesota, USA)
Copyright © 1997-2016 Trans4mind Ltd