Trans4mind Home Page

Breaking Bonds

Direct Answers 'Column for the week of March 8, 2004

I am just out of high school, and I have come to realize what I really want is completely out of my family's standards. I come from an Indian family, where the standards are extremely high. Like in most Indian families, I am expected to become a doctor or engineer. To please them, I followed a course in high school for science and mathematics.

I did reasonably well, considering the toughness of the course, and everyone expected me to continue on this path. However, I met a wonderful man who is a teacher. He made me realize I would love to do something to work with people. My family, however, would scoff at that. Also, I have fallen in love with this man.

I know my family will never approve as he is Italian and not the rich Indian they envisioned for me. In spite of it all, I love my family. I don't want to disappoint them or fail myself. What to do?


Sati, one verse in the Bhagavad Gita might be freely translated, "Your path, no matter how humble, is better than another's path, no matter how exalted." That sentiment is not wishful thinking or a pipe dream. It expresses a profound psychological truth. When we do what we know we should be doing with our life, we envy no one.

The problem with following a path not your own is that the problem never goes away. Some people who are forced into a course of study they do not like fail several subjects or get caught cheating on a test. It is not that they lack ability or that they are dishonest; they subconsciously act out what they cannot consciously face. Other people finish the course of study and feel not success but sadness.

Another person who faced your dilemma was Eknath Easwaran. As a teenager in South India in the 1920s, Easwaran was told by his family, "India needs engineers." Though Easwaran had the ability to be an engineer, he knew it was not his calling. He resisted his family's entreaties and became a successful professor of English in India.

Successful lives often evolve into something which was never planned, and in his 50s, Easwaran moved to the United States and began teaching people how to leave painful memories behind, live fully in the present, and discover their unique contribution to life. As he said, he moved from "education for degrees to education for living."

Your family wants to secure your future, rather than trust the future. They are hardly to be blamed for wanting a secure thing, but the world does not need another uncaring doctor or bored engineer. Though your path may be difficult, it is still your path. And like Easwaran's life, your life can evolve from what your family now sees into something which expresses who you are.

One of Eknath Easwaran's favorite stories was about Mahatma Gandhi. Once, as Gandhi's train was leaving the station, an American reporter came to him and asked for a message to take back to his people. Gandhi scribbled something on a piece of paper and handed it back to the reporter. What Gandhi wrote was, "My life is my message."

Wayne & Tamara

Comfort Index

Hi. I was asked and accepted a date with an older man. I am 20 and he is 29. He has been married and divorced and has children. I still find myself attracted to him more than anyone I've ever met. Is nine years really such a big deal as my friends make it seem?


Vanna, on an unpleasantly warm day, people often say, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity." Hot, humid weather feels worse than hot, dry weather because sweat won't evaporate. His age is not such a big deal; it's the ex-wife and children. Your friends are concerned that "humidity" will have you sweating.


About the Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email:

From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...

View all the Hypnosis Downloads here

The New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program
is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
We think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
Copyright © 1997-2018 Trans4mind Ltd