Trans4mind Home Page
~ A Journey of Self-Discovery ~

Explore Article Library


Do You Love Someone Who Suffers From Depression?

Publishing Guidelines: You have permission to publish this
article electronically or in print, free of charge, as long
as the resource box is included with a live link to my site.
A courtesy copy of your publication would be appreciated.
******************

Title: DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE WHO SUFFERS FROM DEPRESSION?
Author: Dave Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW
Email: mailto:editor@overcoming-depression.com
Copyright: by Dave Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW
Web Address: http://www.Overcoming-Depression.com
Word Count: 978
Category: DEPRESSION 'FAMILY 'HOME LIFE

DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE WHO SUFFERS FROM DEPRESSION?

Relationships in which one individual is depressed are nine
times more likely to divorce. Wow, the normal divorce rate
is already over 60% nationally! But, it's not always a
spouse who is depressed, sometimes it is a child or an
extended family member.

In this article, however, we'll be focusing on depressed
partners. Most people agree that marriage should be 50/50.
We all know this is an ideal, and, with the ebb-and-flow of
marriage, the percentages slide up and down but should do
so in both directions. For instance, one week the wife
gives 70% and the husband 30% and another week the husband
give 80% and the wife 20%. This is the way "ideal"
marriages work.

Unfortunately, this is not the case when chronic depression
enters the marriage. Let's say that the husband has
chronic depression. The wife may pick up many of the tasks
that would customarily fall to the husband. Depending on
how long this goes on, an avalanche of negative momentum
begins.

The longer this process goes on, the more the wife begins
to feel resentful, hence, there is less compassion for the
one struggling with depression. Yet, for the wife, it's
like being a single mother while married. I've been told
by many spouses that it would be easier to be a single
parent than to live with a spouse struggling with
depression, because it's like having a special-needs child
in addition to all the other responsibilities.

I do not make any of these remarks to assign blame or
heighten anyones sense of being victimized. It's very
important to understand that EVERYONE suffers when
depression attacks a loved one. Blame only functions to
create animosity and distance between two loved ones.

Sometimes the spouse of a depressed partner becomes
depressed as a result of living within a "depressed
lifestyle" for too long. Depression is said to be
contagious and can become a shroud over the spouse or
family. It's also vital to consider that depression may
not only be genetic, but it can also be taught. You heard
me right. For instance, our children's most powerful
classroom is the home. Both "Nature and Nurture"
contribute to depression.

Depression works its way into your moods, attitudes,
behaviors, tone of voice, posture, life outlook, personal
hygiene, work ethic, spiritual beliefs and so on. If you
live in a "depression atmosphere" you are constantly
modeling and teaching how to be depressed. I hope this
serves as inspiration for change, not shame. Shame only
feeds the power of depression.

The first step in a plan of action is to know that it is
actually depression that you're dealing with. I won't go
into those details here. You can find those answers at the
website listed in my biography below.

Naming and accepting the problem is half the battle, for
BOTH spouses. Why? Well, when folks are depressed, there
is no obvious scientific evidence to prove it. And yet
people have an instinctive need to what is causing such
pain. The depressed person may project their negative
feelings onto those closest to them, i.e. a spouse, a boss,
the children, the neighbors etc. If you're married to a
depressed person, at times you may question your own sanity.

You might blame external sources for your spouse's
suffering. Without understanding, you might attack your
spouse, assuming they do not care or are lazy. What
appears to be marital problems, may, in fact, be depression.
But certainly marital problems can develop over time when
depression goes untreated.

Another important fact to point out is that men and women
experience depression differently and each will respond
differently when their spouse is depressed. This requires
two separate articles just to begin to respectively cover
gender issues involved in depression.

Here's what to do. First and foremost, realize that
depression is the foe, not your spouse. Developing a "we"
instead of an "I" approach to depression treatment is vital.
A good recovery motto might be best summed up from the
cartoon, Bob the Builder: "Can WE do it? Yes WE can!"

Do everything you can to learn about depression. Seek
professional advice. If depression has been present for a
long time, both the relationship and the depression will
require attention.

Have individual and marital recovery plans. It's the
surest way to give depression the one-two punch that can
knock it out of your lives. Write your recovery plans down
and spend time reviewing, modifying and noting progress
made.

Once depression is stabilized, create a list of "red
flag" symptoms. This serves as your safety net. If these
symptoms recur it would indicate that prompt attention is
required. Then list solutions you each are willing to act
on if you notice symptoms reappearing. Commit to this in
writing and each of you sign it.

Create external support systems. Note that I did not say
external griping sessions. There's a major difference
between griping and purging. The former only feeds
righteous resentment, and deepens the depression problem
overall, and the latter helps clean you out.

Support pillars can be comprised of friends, colleagues,
churches, support groups and any place you decide is safe
to disclose to. Do not hide your dirty laundry in the
closet, so-to-speak. Depression loves to isolate
individuals, marriages and entire families. It's one of
the primary ways it grows strong.

Do recovery activities together. Attend therapy or
psychiatry sessions together. Participate in online
counseling together. Read a depression recovery book
together. Exercise together, pray together or keep a mood
log together. If your children are at the appropriate age,
educate them about chronic depression. There are good
childrens books on chronic parent illness.

Most importantly, develop the "WE!" It's you and your
spouse against this powerful depression foe. Together you
can do this!

Best recovery wishes and always let me know if I can be of
any help.

About the Author
Dave Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW is an author, university
faculty member, success coach and veteran psychotherapist
whose passion is guiding others to their own success in
life. For weekly doses of the webs HOTTEST success tips,
sign up for Dave's powerful 'Feeling Great!' ezine at
http://www.Overcoming-Depression.com


AND EXPLORE...

Addictions
Astrology
Careers & Employment
Communication
Creativity
Dating
Depression
Diabetes
Diets
Divorce
Education
Environment
Ethics
Exercise
Family
Goal-Setting
Grief & Loss
Happiness
Health
Kids & Teens
Leadership
Love
Marriage
Meditation
Nutrition
Organizing
Parenting
Psychology
Public Speaking
Relationships
Schools
Self Help
Self Improvement & Motivation
Sexual Relations
Spirituality
Stress Management
Travel and Leisure
Women
Writing


From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:

Want to renew your life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of holistic personal development...
Start off with a Free Life Assessment and a Free Consultation...
 

Have a question about Trans4mind Training?

Frequently Asked Questions
What Are Our Fees?
Email Peter Shepherd

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...
 

Welcome to the New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program
is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
We think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
And here's a fantastic resource for self-education...

The World of Inspiration eLibrary

World of Inspiration
A treasure trove of personal development wisdom

Step inside. Just like a real library, there are thousands of quality eBooks presented on three "floors" and in different "rooms." To purchase your $15 Lifetime Membership to the World of Inspiration eLibrary, click the following button:

Payment is made through our secure transaction agent, PayPal.
The transaction is in the language and currency of your choice.
"I want to just say 'WOW!' This collection is probably the best money I ever spent! I've already received many times over in personal enrichment after just 9 days. I've had a past metaphysical background, but even newcomers to this material will really benefit. Thanks again." ~ J.S. (Pennsylvania, USA)
"The collection is everything which you promised. And more! A superb contribution to the good of the world. Many thanks indeed." ~ R.P. (Georgia, USA)
"Just a short note of thanks for the library. I've only had membership for several days now but I already feel this is perhaps the most interesting compilation I have yet seen. Worth far more than the price of admission. The browser linked structure works well and makes it easy to manage such a large storehouse of information. It is rarely that I find something I like as much as this or that I feel strongly enough to write a note like this." ~ P.W. (Minnesota, USA)
Copyright © 1997-2016 Trans4mind Ltd