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Getting back in the dating game

I have bad news for you--if it hasn't already happened, some day a woman is going to break your heart. Yep, if you're alive, you're male, and you like women, some day one is going to break your heart. Although it can be mitigated, it can't ever be completely avoided, and how you respond to it will determine your success with dating women.

What I'm going to do today is tell you how to get back into the dating game--many guys screw this up, either jumping right back in and getting into the good ol' rebound relationship, or waste their lives mooning over the one that got away.

The first thing to realize is, no matter how much you use my dating strategies, if your relationship with a woman ends in a way you don't want it to (and this may range from her dumping you to her dying in a car accident), you're going to feel some pain, maybe some anger. You can't avoid that, so just accept it.

The worst of it will last about three weeks (sometimes more), and then it will begin to slowly dissipate. During these three weeks do NOT sit around and mope. Occupy your mind with massive action--work your ass off to make more money, hit the gym hard, do whatever you can to grab onto these powerful emotions and harness them. I've known many men who've started great businesses after dating a woman who figuratively kicked them in the teeth. Why? They harnessed their emotions and turned them towards creative means.

During this time I don't recommend you even think about dating or women. Sports, business, guy stuff, hobbies are all fine, but forget about women--they'll be there soon enough. The other thing to avoid is hatred. Be pissed off at what happened, but don't put it on her personally--you never know when she might come back.

After the initial feelings have dissipated a bit, you want to slowly start bringing women back into your life. I don't mean dating or anything like that, I just mean starting conversations with women. Talk to waitresses, bank tellers, saleswomen, and try to create initial attraction. Don't follow up, just get used to briefly creating attraction with all women. Do this for at least a month.

By this time the pain will be dissipating day by day--it'll still be there, but it will be less. The thing to do next is to start turning the initial attraction into meetings--coffee works best. Here you'll want to amplify that spark of attraction, and look for the opportunity to spend more time with her.

You should not be meeting or dating women who are looking for a serious relationship at this point. You want to meet women who are bright and fun, and who are out to have a good time. Nothing lessens pain more than having fun with a few great women, re-acclimating yourself to being in their company. Stay with this step as long as you want--I know a few knuckleheads who are blissfully "stuck" at this step, and that's OK.

Now you're to the point where you can decide for yourself if you're ready for something more serious. You've built a great foundation for yourself--you turned pain into creativity, learned how to create attraction for women, had some great dating adventures with some great women, and have the CHOICE of where to proceed next. Sounds a heck of a lot better to me than chasing some dumb rebound relationship or spending your life moping over the "one." She ain't the one, just the "last one" and YOU get to choose the "next one!" Take it from the King, the best cure for pain is planned action--you just might discover you came out ahead in the end.

About the author:
About the Author: John Alanis, "The King of Let 'em Come to You", is author of the "Women Approach You" system at His blog is at

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