Trans4mind Home Page
~ A Journey of Self-Discovery ~

Explore Article Library


Dating: The Shy Guy Advantage

Anne and I know a shy guy 'her brother. He isn't the best-looking rooster in the barnyard, but he always seems to have lots of chicks pecking around him.

What's the attraction? The mystery, I think. He doesn't say much so women fill in the blanks. Also I think it's refreshing; a relief from the knuckle-dragging Neanderthals out there. They like the challenge of getting him to open up. And, yes, they even ask him out, but he's the three-date strikeout king.

Being shy can work for you at first, but it won't get you what you want in the long run. Women want a man to be confident and assertive. Then they can be a woman! If you don't step up to the plate, you'll bring out the 'mother' in them and be relegated to the 'friends' category. You'll have lots of female companionship, but no romance.

So keep in mind a little boy you've seen recently, and avoid doing the things that little boys do with their moms 'they ask permission, they worry about pleasing her, they never take initiative, they aren't spontaneous, they don't know what they want, and they expect to be taken care of.

You don't need any of that, so make sure you aren't giving the wrong impression.

Dating is frustrating to everyone. I coach men and women both, around emotional intelligence, dating and relationships, and I hear the same thing from both sexes. It's frustration, rejection, confusion, and mystery until it works out, and it will. No one knows what's going on, so just hang in there. Men that have a lot of bravado are just covering it up. No one likes to strike out, but everyone does. If you don't step up to the plate and take a swing, you can't get a home run. It's as simple as that. It gets easier with time, your odds improve as you practice, and the reward is definitely worth it. Eventually you'll see a ball coming over the plate you know is a home run, and you can hit it out of the park.

Here are some tips:

1. Monitor your self-talk. Keep it positive and affirming. Talk to yourself the way you'd talk to a buddy you wanted to encourage.

2. Monitor the self-talk of other guys. If it's one thing guys lie about, it's their prowess with women. Every man's in there taking his knocks just like you are.

3. Your emotions don't have to stop you in your tracks. You can be nervous and keep going. You can be worried about rejection and still take a risk. This is like a workout, building character muscle, aka tolerance for frustration.

4. Start from the inside out. What are you shy about? Make a list of all you have to offer and believe it. If there's something you need to work on, get some coaching and take care of it. Otherwise, take pride in who you are and stay centered. Not all the women will like you, but you need all the women. You just need HER.

5. Practice where it's safe. Being outgoing is something you can try with the person next to you in the grocery line. Talk to strangers. Watch outgoing people and see what specific behaviors they do 'the eye contact, the tone of voice, the posture, the conversation-starters. It isn't a mystery, it's a set of skills, like a tennis serve.

6. If she asks you out first, that's fine, but you must take charge or you're going to be moved into the 'just friends' category. Take over and be spontaneous. Don't ask her what she wants to do or where she wants to go. Plan something any woman would enjoy and expect her to go along. Use your gut feelings.

7. Don't try and please her all the time. This gets annoying with time. Just be you and go! Any healthy woman will squawk if she doesn't like something. Otherwise, assume all is well and carry on.

8. Have an opinion and express it.

9. Talk as well as listen. There's nothing more attractive than someone who gives us their undivided attention, but take your share of it, otherwise she'll see you as a doormat and lose interest. Set your ipod alarm if need be 'it's time for you to talk!

10. Kiss her when you feel like it. It's easier to get forgiveness than permission. She'll let you know when she's ready. Go with your gut.

11. Nobody gets to be on a pedestal. Whether you're worshiping at her feet, or your own, get down to earth. You're two real people, not actors in a movie. You're not there to judge each other's 'date' performance, you're there to enjoy one another and have a good time. Know your stance/alignment and stance/takeoff so you're positioned right, and you can't lose. No matter what happens with her, you will have had a good time, and that's how you build confidence.

12. Practice. The only way you can get a hole-in-one is to take that bucket of balls out to the shooting range and hit balls for two hours.

Shyness is a combination of innate personality, and insecurity. Your personality's great. Insecurity isn't. You get confidence by training, so get a coach. It's not just for sports any more. they'll put you through the drill and pretty soon you'll be scoring like a star quarterback. Only where it really counts.


About the Author: Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, providing coaching, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional success. I train and certify EQ coaches internationally. Email for info on this fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for free EQ


AND EXPLORE...

Addictions
Astrology
Careers & Employment
Communication
Creativity
Dating
Depression
Diabetes
Diets
Divorce
Education
Environment
Ethics
Exercise
Family
Goal-Setting
Grief & Loss
Happiness
Health
Kids & Teens
Leadership
Love
Marriage
Meditation
Nutrition
Organizing
Parenting
Psychology
Public Speaking
Relationships
Schools
Self Help
Self Improvement & Motivation
Sexual Relations
Spirituality
Stress Management
Travel and Leisure
Women
Writing


From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:

Want to renew your life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of holistic personal development...
Start off with a Free Life Assessment and a Free Consultation...
 

Have a question about Trans4mind Training?

Frequently Asked Questions
What Are Our Fees?
Email Peter Shepherd

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...
 

Welcome to the New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program
is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
We think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
And here's a fantastic resource for self-education...

The World of Inspiration eLibrary

World of Inspiration
A treasure trove of personal development wisdom

Step inside. Just like a real library, there are thousands of quality eBooks presented on three "floors" and in different "rooms." To purchase your $15 Lifetime Membership to the World of Inspiration eLibrary, click the following button:

Payment is made through our secure transaction agent, PayPal.
The transaction is in the language and currency of your choice.
"I want to just say 'WOW!' This collection is probably the best money I ever spent! I've already received many times over in personal enrichment after just 9 days. I've had a past metaphysical background, but even newcomers to this material will really benefit. Thanks again." ~ J.S. (Pennsylvania, USA)
"The collection is everything which you promised. And more! A superb contribution to the good of the world. Many thanks indeed." ~ R.P. (Georgia, USA)
"Just a short note of thanks for the library. I've only had membership for several days now but I already feel this is perhaps the most interesting compilation I have yet seen. Worth far more than the price of admission. The browser linked structure works well and makes it easy to manage such a large storehouse of information. It is rarely that I find something I like as much as this or that I feel strongly enough to write a note like this." ~ P.W. (Minnesota, USA)
Copyright © 1997-2016 Trans4mind Ltd