Trans4mind Home Page
~ A Journey of Self-Discovery ~

Explore Article Library


Dating Advice: Should you play with madness?

I have a friend with a big problem, a guy who needs good dating advice badly. All the women he dates are dysfunctional, and he can't figure out why. Actually, most of the women he dates aren't merely dysfunctional, they're psychotic.

In fact, when came to me for some dating advice, he told a story about the last woman he dated, how she literally stalked him for three months after their relationship ended, one day calling him a "Nazi," the next calling him the sweetest guy on earth. It got so bad he decided to sell his house and move out of state. No joke, this is a true story.

However, this is NOT the first woman like this he's dated. In fact, most women he's dated are like this. Now, you might think this guy is bad looking and broke, a complete loser who just can't "do any better." The truth, though is this: the guy's 6'2", in good shape, could pose for GQ, and does very well financially. And, he can be a fun, witty guy to hang out with. Why then, did this guy come to me for dating advice?

There are actually several answers to this question (and we don't have time to cover all of them today), but many of them have to do with what's called "map/model of the world," both his and theirs. We'll talk about his in a later episode-for now, just realize your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. Obviously he's got some work to do on his inner world, and he is taking my dating advice seriously, but for now let's talk about map/model of the women he dates.

Just what is "map/model" of the world, and how will this help your dating? It's simply how each individual human being views the world-the sum total of our internal representations. Let me give you an example that will clarify this. Let's say you and I are listening to the radio and a particular song comes on. You hate it, but I like it. Why? Because we both have different maps/models of the world. Although the "input" (in this case the song) was exactly the same, the "output" (our reaction to the song) was different. Our "maps" create the differing output. How we view the world is different. How each man responds to my dating advice is different.

When you're screening women to see if they're worth spending time with, you want to uncover as much of their map/model of the world as possible. Why? Because how they've behaved in the past (based on their map/model of the world) is how they will behave in the future. And if the past behavior they've exhibited is bad, their future behavior will be worse. (Take my dating advice on this one!)

When my friend told me during this dating advice session about his experience with this "crazy woman" I asked how they met, what she said to him. It took me 15 minutes of listening to him for me to determine, simply based on what she said to him, that she was a "nonstarter", someone I would NEVER start a dating relationship with. Why? Because she'd described several instances of psychotic/stalking behavior in past relationships. But, since he wasn't actively uncovering her map/model of the world, and making decisions based on it, he got into a horrible relationship. I would have avoided dating her completely.

So just how do you uncover a woman's map? By asking, "elicitation questions" and actively listening. You want to look for common patterns of behavior that reoccur in her past relationships. Awhile back I met a woman online and we met at Town Lake here in Austin for a walk. As we walked, I simply asked her about her online dating experiences. Over and over she said, "oh he kept following me, but he was a loser." Then I asked her about her relationships, and she kept talking about how guys "cheated on her all the time." How did she know they were cheating, I asked? Well, she said, because I would drive by their houses, and strange cars would be in the driveway. My dating advice to anyone who exhibits this attitude is... don't walk, run!

Now, if I'd pursued ANY type of dating relationship with this woman, what do you think the outcome would have been? She would have driven by my house, looking for "strange cars" and then she would have accused me of "cheating." And then she would have come to my place of work at odd hours to "confront me." Why? Because that's what she did with all the guys who "cheated on her."

Obviously I never met with her again, even though she was cute. But many guys not heeding this very important nugget of dating advice would have, because they were paying attention to looks, not uncovering her map or model of the world. And the next six months of their lives would have been HELL.

Listening for map/model of the world is a valuable skill to develop, and some of the best dating advice I can give anyone. You will find that uncovering someone's map of the world will save you much frustration..So' I've got some homework for you guys. As you go throughout your day tomorrow, actively listen for other people's maps. Get them to tell you stories, and listen for recurring patterns of behavior, both good and bad. Develop this skill, and utilize it, and you'll be able to avoid a lot of heartache, and enjoy a lot of pleasure.

About the Author
John Alanis, "The King of Let 'em Come to You", is author of the "Women Approach You" system at http://www.womenapproachyou.com. His blog is at http://www.johnalanis.com


AND EXPLORE...

Addictions
Astrology
Careers & Employment
Communication
Creativity
Dating
Depression
Diabetes
Diets
Divorce
Education
Environment
Ethics
Exercise
Family
Goal-Setting
Grief & Loss
Happiness
Health
Kids & Teens
Leadership
Love
Marriage
Meditation
Nutrition
Organizing
Parenting
Psychology
Public Speaking
Relationships
Schools
Self Help
Self Improvement & Motivation
Sexual Relations
Spirituality
Stress Management
Travel and Leisure
Women
Writing


From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:

Want to renew your life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of holistic personal development...
Start off with a Free Life Assessment and a Free Consultation...
 

Have a question about Trans4mind Training?

Frequently Asked Questions
What Are Our Fees?
Email Peter Shepherd

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...
 

Welcome to the New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program
is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
We think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
And here's a fantastic resource for self-education...

The World of Inspiration eLibrary

World of Inspiration
A treasure trove of personal development wisdom

Step inside. Just like a real library, there are thousands of quality eBooks presented on three "floors" and in different "rooms." To purchase your $15 Lifetime Membership to the World of Inspiration eLibrary, click the following button:

Payment is made through our secure transaction agent, PayPal.
The transaction is in the language and currency of your choice.
"I want to just say 'WOW!' This collection is probably the best money I ever spent! I've already received many times over in personal enrichment after just 9 days. I've had a past metaphysical background, but even newcomers to this material will really benefit. Thanks again." ~ J.S. (Pennsylvania, USA)
"The collection is everything which you promised. And more! A superb contribution to the good of the world. Many thanks indeed." ~ R.P. (Georgia, USA)
"Just a short note of thanks for the library. I've only had membership for several days now but I already feel this is perhaps the most interesting compilation I have yet seen. Worth far more than the price of admission. The browser linked structure works well and makes it easy to manage such a large storehouse of information. It is rarely that I find something I like as much as this or that I feel strongly enough to write a note like this." ~ P.W. (Minnesota, USA)
Copyright © 1997-2016 Trans4mind Ltd