Trans4mind Home Page
~ A Journey of Self-Discovery ~

Explore Article Library

10 Ways to Know if You Can Trust the Person You're Dating

So you've been chatting with someone on the Internet and now you're going to meet in person. You're remembering how the chain saw murderer is always described as "a nice, quiet neighbor," or how that last "hottie" turned out to be married and broke your heart, and you're wondering how to tell if you can trust them.


It's smart to take care or yourself. There are services that can perform discreet investigations, offer resources, articles, advice, products and ebooks; and coaching on how to get over the affair, how to choose the right person for you, help with crafting your online dating profile, relationship and safety tips and more. You can find out whether the person is married, where they've lived and with whom, criminal background, sex offenses, bankruptcy and so forth, so why not? It's worth the money. (You can also use this for the workplace, for instance to find out if the person you're about to hire has sued former employers.)


When you're with the person, observe their nonverbal behavior. We communicate 90% of any message nonverbally 'through gestures, expressions, posture, tone of voice, etc. If what they're saying ("I'm single") doesn't jibe with their nonverbal ("I'm guilty"), go with the nonverbal.

The reason it's such a giveaway is a lot of our nonverbal behavior isn't under our control -- the widening of our pupils, the Adam's apple jump in men, even a case of the hives 'there's nothing we can consciously do about it.


Many of these nonverbals (like the Adam's Apple Jump) are muscular contractions originating unconsciously from the vagus nerve, the longest cranial nerve in the body that runs from our brains to our gut (intestines). It's the origin of the term "gut feelings," and why the gut is called "the second brain." If you're nervous before giving a speech, for instance, you might get a pounding headache, or you might throw up. It's also why medications like anti-depressants (acting on the brain) cause side-effects like diarrhea or constipation acting on the intestines).


1. Eye Rubbing. When someone strokes their eye with a foreigner, it indicates deception. They can't "look you straight in the eye."

2. Averting the eyes. If they can't maintain eye contact, it's usually a sure sign of deceit, guilt or lying. A hard stare is also a bad sign 'intimidation, coldness. It can be a sign the person's prone to physical violence.

3. Touching the nose. As well as indicating possible cocaine usage, stroking or touching the nose is a desire to cover their mouth once removed and indicates deception. Watch out.

4. Finger Motion, Hands Hidden from Sight. You can't trust this person is really interested in you. The hands are mimicking the desire to run away. Hands hidden is sly and secretive, meaning they don't want to touch you or communicate with you.

5. The Neck Area. If they scratch their neck just under the ear, with the forefinger they're probably lying. When someone lies, their body temperature rises, so they may reach up to loosen their collar. With men, it can also be related to the Adam's Apple jump, which signifies anxiety, embarrassment, and fear. (present in women, too, but not as noticeable)

6. Closed Fist. This means the person has something to hide, just as an open palm shows and open, honest attitude.

7. Hand Gestures. Liars don't generally have a lot of hand gestures tied to speech patterns, but according to one expert, they will scratch 'usually five times in a row.

8. Stoney Face, "Hidden". Expert liars have learned to control a lot of the "giveaways" like expansion and contraction of the pupils. So have lawyers before the jury, therapists with clients, and poker players at the table, so some of it can be learned. But a good guy or gal who's interested in you will want to reveal themselves to you. If they look like they've got on a mask, they probably do. Wonder why.

9. Voice. When someone lies, the pitch goes up. They may also pause "too long" to answer an "innocent" questions. Talking too much or too fast may be an indication of guilt.

There's one time when even experts misread people. A very honest, sincere person who's asked something like, "Did you steal office supplies?" or "Are you lying about being single?" may show a lot of agitation, mimicking some of the above-signs. They're often over-anxious, and are very upset at having been "accused."


Watch for a big switch when a certain topic comes up. A woman who's cheating on her husband for instance, may be chatting easily with you, and then you ask her why there's a line on her fourth finger, left hand, or why you can't pick her up at her house next time, and she suddenly:

1. Shifts dramatically in her chair, flipping her head to the side

2. Freezes like a deer in the headlights

3. Clears her throat or coughs, to buy time, or even chokes

4. Looks away, blinks rapidly, covers her mouth, scratches

5. Answers in a way that sounds like a memorized speech, or it too pat


Dating is stressful in itself, especially if you're really interested in the other person. But trust your gut. Check in with how they're making YOU feel. A person who's sincere and anxious should make you feel protective (if you like them) and turned-off or disgusted (if you don't), but you shouldn't feel fear. If you feel fear, like the hair stands up on the back of your head, or your palms start to sweat, trust your instincts. That's what they're there for, to keep us safe.


Emotional intelligence is the interface between thinking and feeling, and one of the competencies is intuition. When you're dating, you need to have a lot of EQ! Don't get swept away by your feelings, and forget to use your head. She might be just another pretty face, and married at that, or worse, a Fatal Attraction looking for a place to happen.

About the Author
Susan Dunn, MA Psychology, Emotional Intelligence Coach, I help people become better communicators and develop their emotional intelligence through coaching, Internet courses and ebooks. Susan is the author of "Nonverbal Communication."


Careers & Employment
Grief & Loss
Kids & Teens
Public Speaking
Self Help
Self Improvement & Motivation
Sexual Relations
Stress Management
Travel and Leisure

From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:

Want to renew your life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of holistic personal development...
Start off with a Free Life Assessment and a Free Consultation...

Have a question about Trans4mind Training?

Frequently Asked Questions
What Are Our Fees?
Email Peter Shepherd

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...

Welcome to the New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program
is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
We think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
And here's a fantastic resource for self-education...

The World of Inspiration eLibrary

World of Inspiration
A treasure trove of personal development wisdom

Step inside. Just like a real library, there are thousands of quality eBooks presented on three "floors" and in different "rooms." To purchase your $15 Lifetime Membership to the World of Inspiration eLibrary, click the following button:

Payment is made through our secure transaction agent, PayPal.
The transaction is in the language and currency of your choice.
"I want to just say 'WOW!' This collection is probably the best money I ever spent! I've already received many times over in personal enrichment after just 9 days. I've had a past metaphysical background, but even newcomers to this material will really benefit. Thanks again." ~ J.S. (Pennsylvania, USA)
"The collection is everything which you promised. And more! A superb contribution to the good of the world. Many thanks indeed." ~ R.P. (Georgia, USA)
"Just a short note of thanks for the library. I've only had membership for several days now but I already feel this is perhaps the most interesting compilation I have yet seen. Worth far more than the price of admission. The browser linked structure works well and makes it easy to manage such a large storehouse of information. It is rarely that I find something I like as much as this or that I feel strongly enough to write a note like this." ~ P.W. (Minnesota, USA)
Copyright © 1997-2016 Trans4mind Ltd