Trans4mind Home Page

The Talking Stick for healthy communication

By Neva Howell

One of the most valuable tools for honoring close relationships and for learning respect, honor, and listening skills is The Talking Stick. The Talking Stick (Native-American in origin) is simply a Tree Person branch that has been so dedicated as a Talking Stick to be used for creating more open and sincere dialog. Individual indigenious groups have more specific information and ritual. I don't represent myself as any kind of authority of Native ways -- that is the work of the Elders within each of the Native Peoples -- but only share the value I've received thru use of this communication tool.

First, there must be total agreement between the two parties that, when The Talking Stick is present, the rules of the ritual will be honored by both. The rules are simple.

When one wishes to be allowed to speak fully, freely, and without interruption, they pick up The Talking Stick. While it is being held, the other person listens ONLY. The other person doesn't interrupt or insert. The other person attempts, to the best of their ability, not to interject vocal, or even physical responses to what is being shared but to ONLY listen with an open and unjudgmental ear. When the one who is talking is finished, The Talking Stick is laid down and the other person then has the opportunity to pick up the Stick and to speak openly and freely.

One of the great values of this tool, from my own perspective and experience, is that you may begin to realize how much of what you started to say was only reaction. By the time the stick is passed to you, something has shifted. In the waiting, there has been a change.

There is a new attentiveness, and less of the need to defend or put in your "two cents worth" after every sentence your partner says. Somehow, this simple yet profound process teaches us how to ferret out what is most important within all that is said by our partner, and we learn to respond to what is most important. A lot drops away, and loses importance, when we are forced to only listen.

Eventually, the mind lets go of all the various things it thinks it wants to say, since it begins to understand that it cannot speak just yet. In that mental release, new understanding is possible. I learned about the Talking Stick through Lakota friends. I am deeply grateful for this knowledge, and feel the use of this Sacred Tool has enriched my life.

If you really want to gain the fullest benefit from the relationships you have chosen at this time, make a Talking Stick and use it. You can find a special stick in the woods, use a length of cane, or any other natural item. Personalize it with spiritual medicine that represents both you and your partner (and children, if you have any--they should be in family circles and listened to as closely as you will be learning to listen to each other). You can add feathers, crystals, stones, sprigs of sage, etc. If you'd like further guidance, in creating the Talking Stick according to Native-American tradition, seek the guidance of a teacher of Native-American ancestry.

Though it may be challenging at first, to let someone speak without the need to interrupt or respond, you will find that it becomes more and more a way of communicating, even when the stick is not present. The more you use it, the more you will learn about patience and the more you will discover about those closest to you and also, about yourself.

I've often thought that it would be a perfect world if we could all walk as if each person, at all times, carried a Talking Stick.

From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...

View all the Hypnosis Downloads here

The New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program
is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
We think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
Copyright © 1997-2018 Trans4mind Ltd