Trans4mind Home Page
~ A Journey of Self-Discovery ~

Explore Article Library

Powerful Communication:Language: The Key that Opens or Close

By Connie Butler

What prevents people from using their native language or secondary languages confidently comes down to seven traps that most people fall into.

Language is one of the things that sets us apart as beings, one of the things that essentially defines us as humans. When language is used well it can elicit very deep feeling in others, motivate others to action and define the nature of our relationships. Sometimes in poetry the juxtaposition of two words or a certain phrase can bring tears to the eyes, call up a whole host of imagery and move us deeply. We have seen language recently used in the politics of persuasion, used for good or ill - depending on your viewpoint. When we use language to express our true feelings to someone it can open and deepen the connection between us. Language is a very powerful tool. How we use language shapes our world both internally and externally. How you use self-talk - what you say to yourself about yourself and about the world directly shapes your experience of both yourself and the world. How you deliver communication shapes the way the world responds to you. We can use language more effectively in both spheres: internal and external and directly influence the health and power of our personal relationships and our business relationships.

Connie Glaser, a leading expert on patterns of communication has come up with 7 self-sabotage traps that diminish the power of our speech. I want to speak about each of these traps and help you identify which ones may be just unconscious ways or habits you have developed to communicate. In my work as a coach I always see that when we can make an automatic habit conscious and see it clearly we have much more leverage with which to change it. We have choices!

As I looked at the 7 Steps that Ms Glaser outlined I realized that they were an acronym - I am always looking for these when I teach because it makes it so much easier for people to remember. What happens when we don't use language effectively is that we deflect the power of it - we diminish the impact of it- we in fact don't get our real message across.

DEFLECT: The seven traps that derail our message

Disclaimers: "You may think this sounds stupid, but"

Effusive Apologies: "I'm sooooo sorry"

Fumble: "kinda, sorta like"."

Long- Taking too long to get to the point - wrapping a point in so much other information that people lose the train of what you are saying.

Emotions get in the way: Perhaps crying when you are really angry, being afraid so not communicating at all"..

Credit- Not accepting credit.

Tag Questions: "That was an excellent report, don't you think?"

Each of these "habits of speech serves to deflect the power or clarity of our communication.

  • Disclaimers take the legs out from under what you say so there is no foundation. The person is asked to agree that what you are saying is stupid.

  • Effusive Apologies tend to obscure what you are saying, your communication gets lost in all of the apology and the underlying message is that you are inn error.

  • Fumbling in your conversational style is a habit that communicates that you do not really know what you are talking about or that you would really rather someone would ignore it.

  • Taking too long to get to the point hides your real message in an avalanche of words- the essential message is hard if not impossible to discern.

  • When emotions get in the way people sometimes don't deliver what they are really trying to convey because they are afraid of the outcome, embarrassed by what they want to say or wrap the communiqu in the opposite emotion i.e. they are really angry but break down instead.

  • Not accepting credit for something - saying things like "Oh it was nothing or "Really I don't deserve the credit etc. deflects attention from you and tends to communicate that you would rather not be noticed.

  • Tag Lines or asking a question at the end of a statement robs that statement of any power. It is sort of like blowing up a balloon and the moment you give it to someone insert a pin in it.

Often these are habits of communication, patterns of speech that we have learned and have become habitual. If we can identify the habit we, of course, can make different choices in how we communicate. Spend some tine observing your "favorite trap and experiment with another more powerful approach. Drop the tag line and make a declarative statement, stop for a moment when someone gives you credit and allow it to sink in, make a direct statement without a disclaimer. All of these shifts brings power and clarity back into your communication.

I am currently offering a workshop in person and by teleclass that explores this and deepens your facility to use language more powerfully. Please be in contact with me if you would like more information.

Connie Butler is a personal and professional coach working with individuals and groups to clarify their greatest vision and cultivate its successful realization - moving them past their growth frontier into new territory. She is available for personal or professional coaching, seminars and can be reached at 305-534-1119 or Ms. Butler is a published author and radio personality.


Careers & Employment
Grief & Loss
Kids & Teens
Public Speaking
Self Help
Self Improvement & Motivation
Sexual Relations
Stress Management
Travel and Leisure

From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:

Want to renew your life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of holistic personal development...
Start off with a Free Life Assessment and a Free Consultation...

Have a question about Trans4mind Training?

Frequently Asked Questions
What Are Our Fees?
Email Peter Shepherd

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...

Welcome to the New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program
is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
We think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
And here's a fantastic resource for self-education...

The World of Inspiration eLibrary

World of Inspiration
A treasure trove of personal development wisdom

Step inside. Just like a real library, there are thousands of quality eBooks presented on three "floors" and in different "rooms." To purchase your $15 Lifetime Membership to the World of Inspiration eLibrary, click the following button:

Payment is made through our secure transaction agent, PayPal.
The transaction is in the language and currency of your choice.
"I want to just say 'WOW!' This collection is probably the best money I ever spent! I've already received many times over in personal enrichment after just 9 days. I've had a past metaphysical background, but even newcomers to this material will really benefit. Thanks again." ~ J.S. (Pennsylvania, USA)
"The collection is everything which you promised. And more! A superb contribution to the good of the world. Many thanks indeed." ~ R.P. (Georgia, USA)
"Just a short note of thanks for the library. I've only had membership for several days now but I already feel this is perhaps the most interesting compilation I have yet seen. Worth far more than the price of admission. The browser linked structure works well and makes it easy to manage such a large storehouse of information. It is rarely that I find something I like as much as this or that I feel strongly enough to write a note like this." ~ P.W. (Minnesota, USA)
Copyright © 1997-2016 Trans4mind Ltd