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Welcoming our Wounded Selves

By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

"I just want to get rid of the part of me that gets angry so easily."

"I hate the part of me that thinks about food all the time."

"I just want to kill the part of me that is so needy."

For the last 35 years I have been counseling individuals, couples, families and business partners and have authored eight published books. In the course of my work, I often hear the people I counsel wanting to get rid of their wounded aspects. This would be like attempting to kill off a child who is having problems. This would, of course, cause the child many more problems.

Instead, we need to learn to welcome, embrace, love and explore with the many wounded parts of ourselves. These parts exist due to the false beliefs that we have from our childhood experiences. These parts heal with love and truth, not with being disowned.

One day, when I was walking and talking with my inner guidance, I asked about my own wounded, disowned aspects. "There is really only one disowned aspect that all the other aspects come from. This aspect is the victim. The victim is like the mothership from which all the other wounded aspects emerge."

"Me? A victim?" I was a triffle miffed. I did not see myself as a victim. "Of course," said my guidance. "How can anyone grow up in your society and not believe you are a victim? Everyone has had many experiences in childhood of feeling victimized. The beliefs regarding being a victim are in the very young child within. Until the beliefs within this wounded inner child are healed, you are being governed by them, even though you may not be aware of it. No one wants to feel like victim, so all the protections are to have control over not feeling like a victim. All the anger, blame, withdrawal, denial, defensiveness, resistance, caretaking and so on are to have control over not being controlled. All the addictions are to not feel the feelings of helplessness and aloneness that come from feeling like a victim. Embrace the part of you that believes you are a victim and you will find yourself able to embrace all the feelings and behavior that come from the belief that you are a victim. Who do you know who never thinks that their feelings or behavior is not caused by someone else, or by events, or by God? Who do you know who takes full responsibility for all their feelings and behavior, especially in their relationships?"

I had to admit I didn't know anyone like that. I had never met an enlightened being.

Since then, I have delighted in embracing my victim and all the feelings that come from this false belief. My own progress has greatly excelerated as a result of this awareness.

Next time you feel anxious, angry, guilty, shamed, critical, resistant, needy, depressed, hurt 'try opening your arms and welcoming this wounded child. Explore the beliefs behind these feelings and you might discover your victim. Then welcome that part with great love and compassion.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?", "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?", "Healing Your Aloneness","Inner Bonding", and "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?" Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: or

About the Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?", "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?", "Healing Your Aloneness","Inner Bonding", and "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?" Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: or

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