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Your Relationship Boundaries

By Gabriella Kortsch

Having healthy boundaries means that an individual has established visibly defined limits to the types of behavior by others (partners, children, colleagues, friends, etc.), which he/she considers permissible, and to clearly indicate the kinds of consequences that will befall the perpetrator, should those boundaries be ignored or violated.

So what does that mean? It means you place a value on yourself. It means you honor yourself. It means you hold yourself in such high esteem, that you would “do” this for yourself.


Having established a boundary, a consequence merely says, “If you do not respect this boundary that I have established, then this will happen.” Boundaries need not be harsh or resemble an ultimatum, but they might have to, depending on the circumstances, as these examples indicate:

Basic Tenets of Boundaries

Don’t forget the basic tenet of establishing boundaries: if consequences are not set up, then there is no boundary. However, you might want to explain your feelings to the other person first, as in these examples, in order that he/she understands what the specific behavior does to you, your family, your health, your safety, your business, etc.

Do Unto Others…

Setting boundaries is one of the first steps to psychological health because by doing this, you are clearly telling yourself that you are loved (by yourself), that you are worth it, and that you will not allow others to do unto you, as you would (hopefully) not do unto them…

Dr. Kortsch holds a doctorate in psychology and dedicates herself to integral coaching, clinical hypnotherapy, relationship coaching, and energy techniques. She is an author and professional speaker and broadcasts a live weekly radio show in English that is available on the Internet or for listening on her website, and has appeared in numerous television programs in English and Spanish. She can help you move towards greater personal and relationship success with her integral approach to life and offers training and workshops in the field of self-development and choosing responsibility for the self.

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