The Killer Compliment
By Steven Burns
We all like compliments don't we? When a friend, family member or complete stranger walks up to us and pays us a genuine, sincere compliment it can have a profound, positive impact on our emotional state. It makes us feel special and significant and, if delivered in the right way can be like verbal sunshine...
Think back right now to a time when you received a compliment like this. Remember in as much detail as possible what you saw, heard and, most importantly, felt...
Somewhere deep down your neurology lit up didn't it?.
Genuine compliments are an excellent way towards making an emotional impact on people. There is, however, a down side to compliments. The more we give a person compliments the more they begin to become suspicious that our intentions are insincere...
It's a bit like the door to door salesman that takes one step into your house and says: "Wow your house is the nicest house I've seen today!".
People tend to be fairly sceptical about compliments when they are delivered in this way so by just dishing them out left, right and centre there's a good chance the you'll get the opposite of the desired response. As the old adage goes, "Flattery will get you nowhere!".
Therefore, instead of dishing out compliments every couple of minutes, save them all for one sincere killer compliment.
I first came across the killer compliment when I read Leil Lowndes book, How to make anyone fall in love with you...
Lowndes says that the killer compliment is not something like, 'Hey, I like your tie'.
A killer compliment is a knock-em dead, on target, out right compliment that literally takes the person's breathe away...
A killer compliment is completely unique to the person you are communicating with and must be used sparingly. In fact, Lowndes recommends that you not use the killer compliment any more than once per month or it will begin to lose its power...
One way to get a sense of what a person's killer compliment may be is to go inside for a moment and ask yourself, 'What is the outstanding, positive quality that this person has?' it may be something that you wouldn't normally comment on but something you know deep down is within this person. This quality does not even have to part of their personality; it can also be a physical quality.
Examples of these could be:
"You move with extreme grace"
"You are a shining example of genetic perfection"
"You have warmth about you that I have never seen before"
"You have a terrific sense of humour"
"You have the most unique way of looking at the world I have ever come across"
"You have a really nice way about you"
"You have such a wonderful heart"
"One of the things I like about you is that you are such a giving person".
Once you have a sense of what the killer compliment is, look directly at the person, deliver it with absolute congruency and then watch the person glow.
Steven Burns is an NLP Trainer from Scotland, well known as "The People's Coach," and has recently started specializing in helping people let go of social fears and become more socially confident. Check out his latest work at Solutions in Mind
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