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Evaluation: How Do You Pass The Test of Self Love? 

By Ewa Schwarz, of OnlineCounseling.org


Self love, schmelf love, who cares about loving yourself. We all want answers and we want them now. Solve the problem, give me the solutions, I want the answer. We actually demand without even realizing it. Our expectations are set at the level where we want this immediate gratification, that we deserve to have it.

Yet this is an approach of child that does not yet understand their own needs. And we all are children when it comes to our minds. The fact that we consciously use so little of our brains is all the evidence we need to understand how little we really know about ourselves. We are still children in terms of human evolution.

Yet how arrogant we are as a human race, as a conscious species. But being only 5% conscious on average does not say much for what we think we know. Our evolution into further consciousness requires that we delve inwards, or there will be no evolution, but devolution.

On the surface, people would argue that the human race has evolved exponentially, looking at scientific advancements, the use of technology, that in general people are supposedly healthier, happier, live longer etc. But this is a very timely topic as we watch the world crumbling apart for so many people.

Look at the sheer number and breadth of health issues, both physical and mental. We live longer, but very few are happier. All these material and technical advancements and achievements have not helped people in this regard. 

Even social networking can isolate some people from true relationships, distracting them from the path of self understanding. This too will on some level contribute to even more people reaching a crisis point in their lives. Because the bottom line is that far too many people in general are unhealthy and unhappy. But most of the extent of this is hidden from one another.

So with this introduction we move to why it is so important for each and every human being to take the test of self love. Without self love, you cannot find the balance of health and happiness. Something will always feel lacking in your life. You will be unhappy and/or unhealthy in some way.

So, what is self love, how is it defined? Self love is determined by the state of mind that you are in, that you tend to be in, that you see yourself go in and out of even. What I mean by this is if you get angry, if you get upset, if you emotionally react, get anxious, etc., then you are not in a state of self love. 

Self love is a consistent state of being. It is a peaceful state of mind that is undisturbed by events around you. Undisturbed by the challenges around you. Many out there claim to feel self love, but blame their emotional reactions on others. How does this make sense? When you emotionally react, is that love that you are feeling? Didn't think so. Emotions pull you right out of yourself.

When you love yourself, you stay balanced within your sense of self. You are your own place of safety. Any storm can rage around you but you remain safe within this calm, inner harbor...as long as you stay within yourself. As soon as you move out of this space, then you are at the mercy of the winds around you.

But if you doubt yourself in any way, shape, or form, you are not going to spend much time within yourself, but looking for reassurance and safety externally. If you judge yourself in any way, if you have negative thoughts, then you will also not feel safe enough to stay in that internal space. Who would want to be in a space where you are doubted and attacked, especially if this happens from within you.

A very curious aspect is when we judge others we also cannot be within ourselves. The impact that that has on our psyches goes far deeper than you would imagine. As soon as you have a judgment or a negative thought about another person, it is also an attack on yourself because no matter how justified you feel in your thoughts, there will be a small residue of guilt that is left within you.

What guilt does is it causes a subconscious need to atone for that guilt. It says that you have been "bad", that you must then be "punished". Yet as you go through this cycle, your mind then becomes resentful, because you never really intended to hurt anyone, so in response you attack outwardly yet again, because this is the cycle of low self value. Where this cycle exists, there cannot be self love.

So how do you get, find, achieve, locate, discover self love? By removing all obstacles that stand in the way of it of course. By being willing to examine every feeling and trace it back to the thought that was its author. Every feeling is a result of one of your thoughts. Remove just one thought and you get that little bit closer to self love.

This is the direction of true human evolution. Especially as the world exists now it can be very hard work, to undo all those old beliefs, to have to consciously choose over and over the new ones. To learn how to create that sense of safety within yourself as you deal with others. To remove all fear and judgments even when the world and the people around you are filled with them. 

To step forward and become the role models for the rest of the world. As more and more people learn how to consciously evolve themselves, they become the role models for others to learn from. The group consciousness slowly rises as a result. 

As you consciously, willingly, diligently work at changing yourself, you really are greatly rewarded for this type of work. The peace of mind is in itself an amazing reward, but as you see how you also affect others, you really do see the miracle of this kind of work, of travelling along this path. 

Find who you really are through finding your self love.


Ewa Schwarz helps clients from all over the world to grow emotionally and spiritually. We all feel lost, uncertain, scattered, and even frightened at times. We talk to friends, family, clergy or even strangers, yet no one seems to have a real answer. As a counselor, life coach and teacher with over 20 years of experience, Ewa can help you solve whatever is hindering your growth or burdening your spiritVisit OnlineCounseling.org


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