Trans4mind Home Page

Defying 'Little Bird' Conditions of Blackmail and Manipulation

By Steve Wickham

A little bird told me last night that if I hold my breath and do everything right you might come back.
~Kasey Chambers, Little Bird.

Human beings can be manipulative creatures; blackmailing those they're in cahoots with at the slightest hint of not getting their own way. Of course, it's the rampant co-dependency of a threatened person who'll say, "A little bird told me to tell you to do/not do [the condition]."

The main trouble is most of us don't want to go against convention and we only need one piece of negative feedback before options are seriously reconsidered. This is even against those whom may not think that way - the silent majority.

Identifying Those Prone to Placing Conditions
Blackmail is a kind of manipulated extortion, though it's generally not illegal; but it is immoral. And blackmail might even be too strong a word for how subtle people's manipulation is... that fact, however, makes it all the more insidious.

Many of the ones resorting to manipulation or blackmail aren't even aware of it, and they'll be quick to deny the charge as it comes. This further threatens our confidence as it becomes their word against ours.

The test is does it feel like secretive manipulation? Proper disciplinary action is not underhanded. It can be accounted for and is considered 'just' by the prevailing majority. Cases of manipulation tending toward abuse, on the other hand, major on secrecy.

It's important for us to identify those influences and influencers over our lives that choose such tactics. Once identified there can be boundaries placed around them and their relationship with us. But it's often not easy to do this; it will take much trial and error in designing these boundaries. In a small number of cases it might be wisest to end relationships that involve significant cases of manipulation.

Where we want to get to in relation to advice is the seeking, consideration and taking of advice from trusted advisers.

Trusted Advisors and True Success
Without counsel, plans go wrong,
but with many advisers they succeed.
~Proverbs 15:22 (NRSV).

Unlike the aforementioned advice - veiled as threats for non-compliance - plans made with trusted advisers are secure. Not only do we feel at ease, they tend to work out. And even when they don't it's not the end of the world. Our trusted advisers are there to help us pick up the pieces and they won't be telling us, "I told you so!".

Each of us is less experienced than some that are close by, and besides, we just don't have the perspective that others have, especially as we consider issues close to the emotive bone.
A trusted adviser is going to give us their advice for free. And they're not going to be offended if we don't take it or if we modify it - both through the use of our discretion - for all who wish to grow in wisdom are compelled to practice their discretion. How else are we to learn from our experiences?.

Life gets easier and more peaceful when we have more trusted advisers and less manipulating influences in our court.

Copyright (c) 2011 S. J. Wickham.
[1] The "Boundaries" series of books by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend are very good in helping us understand the value and practice of boundaries in protecting our relationships.

Steve Wickham is a Registered Safety Practitioner (BSc, FSIA, RSP[Australia]) and a qualified, unordained Christian minister (GradDipBib&Min). His blogs are at: and

Good info on many topics:
Back to Issue Contents       Cultivate Life! Magazine Archive

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

Hypnosis Downloads
What can we help you with?
Search now on an issue that concerns you...

You will love the way you feel after using one of these hypnosis audio downloads. You can listen on your computer or CD, or use the app on your phone or tablet. Each audio has been carefully crafted by professional hypnotherapist educators with a proven track record and since 2003, over 600,000 have been downloaded.

Find exactly what you need:
View all 1000+ Hypnosis Downloads here...

The New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program
is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
We think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
Copyright © 1997-2019 Trans4mind Ltd
Terms of Use & Privacy Policy       Email Webmaster