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You Tell Me - What Was It Like for You?

By Steve Wickham

How can we possibly tell what the truth is so far as our relationships and performance outcomes are concerned when we only see one shallow fraction of reality - our own? We are best to seek feedback to augment our truth.

Our truth is never a tidy truth - it always has holes in it.

When assumptions, and attributions for others behaviour and responses, are fitted like band-aids over our living situations we run close to entertaining great falsity, and from there it never usually ends that well.
Better to be healthily and fearlessly curious.

Curiosity Cannot Harm Us
By simply asking questions to confirm how we think things are going or how they went, or just to establish what it is or was like for them, we open the window on a stinking hot day to let in the cooling sea breeze.

The breeze is not going to scorch us like we think it might. Sure, there may be some revelations we didn't expect to hear, but just simply the matter of asking has created in us the mode of accepting bravely what will come.

This shock is a better shock than one that comes later on, overblown and inflated.

Two Great Relationship Rules
1. Be Honest With People
It takes moral courage to be honest with people. Especially with children and subordinates at work we must be honest and give them the information they need so they don't feel compelled to make assumptions, which they will do if they're not given the information they need or don't naturally seek it of their own volition. (It is not normal for people to always go out of their way to confirm their assumptions.)

To be honest with people reveals a character in us that we genuinely care for them. Those who couldn't care less, however, will not risk it - they do not have the moral courage to risk of themselves, and their own comfort, for others' betterment.

2. Seek Confirmation
This is reciprocal for point 1. It's too easy to rest well in the contentment of our own assumptions. What we risk, however, is that our belief in such falsity, will possibly, at some time in the future, shatter. This is never a good place to find ourselves in. We feel crushed for a time.

It would be better to use our moral courage to go and seek confirmation and feedback before it is egg that we find over our face.

Relationships - for Success - Require Moral Courage
For two people or two groups to co-exist in harmony, and lastingly so, there must be trust that's enjoyed between the two, and this is afforded only when one or best both enter into moral courage to stand in the gap of the relationship.

Someone, or better both, must give for the relationship to survive.

Copyright (c) S. J. Wickham.

Steve Wickham is a Registered Safety Practitioner (BSc, FSIA, RSP[Australia]) and a qualified, unordained Christian minister (GradDipBib&Min). His blogs are at: and

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