Companions That Shape Your Life
By Gabriella Kortsch, Ph.D.
John (not his real name, all names in
this article have been changed) was recently told he has a tumor. Malignant or benign, he will not know for about three weeks, after a
series of tests and the results that they offer. Marguerite was taking
her husband’s suits to the cleaners and found a hand-written note – not
his handwriting - in the breast pocket of one of the jackets: Your love makes life worth livingMatthew and Lily have just been notified by their bank that unless they
pay the overdue mortgage on their home, it will be repossessed by the
end of the month. Jennifer had a call from the police this morning. Her
son David is in jail for possession of cocaine. Michael got fired
yesterday. And William was robbed. Burglars broke into his home while
he was away on a brief trip and managed to open the safe where he had
six months’ worth of emergency funds and his wife’s jewellery. None of
it was insured. Finally, Mariel, a horse trainer, had a car accident,
and not only is her car totaled, but because of injuries she sustained,
she can not work for at least six weeks and her job only allows her six
sick days per annum.
When Life Gets Hard
Such a list of bad luck and hard
situations doesn’t exactly make for fun reading. But here is why this
is the subject of today’s article: when life serves up the hard bits,
the companions we have chosen up to that point in our lives, will shape – at least in part – the manner in which we are able to deal with the problems. They will sustain us and they will help us get through that dark forest to the clearing on the other side. Or not.
Habitual Companions
Here are some of the companions we
habitually choose – we spend our precious time with these companions -
and because they are habitual, and because we generally choose them
long before any of the hard bits in our lives have appeared, they
impact our thoughts and behavior in ways that are detrimental instead
of uplifting when the more difficult times show up, just as sugar and
chemicals in food are detrimental to our bodies and creep up on us
until finally one day we realize the body that we have is no longer
healthy:
- Endless television shows that we watch simply because we happened on them, either while channel surfing, or because they were there when we turned on the TV
- Junk books
- TV and radio commercials and print advertising, not to mention billboards that encroach on our time and thinking as we drive through the streets (similar to what mindlessly eating sugary treats or salty chips while we watch TV or read, does to our body)
- Fashion, gossip, and sports magazines
- Irate political, sports, and religious commentators on radio or television
- Conversations consisting to a degree of gossip, or discussion of other people’s lives
- Conversations consisting to a degree of complaining about something in our lives which we expect the other person to listen to, and vice versa, listening to others complaining about their lives
- Spending time in thought on endless worrying about problems
- Spending time in thought on endlessly going over and over what someone did to you that you simply can not forgive
- Spending time in thought about how bored we are, or participating in some of the above activities simply because we are bored
- Socializing with a great amount of alcohol or some other type of substance, meaning that the actual interaction with other individuals is probably not on a level that serves us
- Socializing with people we are addicted to because of the power they have
- Shopping until we drop (even if our credit cards are already groaning under a weight of debt)
Nourishment
There’s nothing wrong with all of the
above in moderation, but if you were to make a list of all the hours
you spend on all of the above activities that apply to you, you might
find that when you need another kind of inner back-up, you don’t have
it. When life throws us the curve balls, when the floor falls away from
under out feet, when unexpected setbacks arrive, frequently what we
most have going for us is what we carry around inside with us. What we
have nourished ourselves with. Think of a young woman about to get
pregnant. It’s logical, we all understand that if she is eating a
healthy diet, the body that will become a vessel for the baby will be
able to nourish that growing fetus in a much better fashion, than a
body that is filling itself with junk food or substances. So it is with
us as we prepare ourselves for those moments in life when the going
gets rough.
Resilience is required for difficult times. Inner strength is required. Wisdom, trust and faith (not necessarily religious) are required. Belief in yourself is required. Knowing that you can survive will take you a long way. Emulation of others you may admire who have gone through tough times is helpful. Learn about them. Read about themBe inspired by them. And above all, love yourself.
Think of this: how much joy have you stored up in your life to get you through difficulties? Have you figured out how to live a joyful life no matter what? How much understanding have you stored? Have you filled yourself with ideas that will see you through? What would you do – inside your head – if you were stranded on a desert island, or if you were placed into solitary confinement? Obviously those things are highly unlikely to happen to the great majority of us. But that – feeling that we are all alone - is how we sometimes feel when we are going through tough times because there is nothing there to sustain us.
Keeping Your Energy High
I’m an inveterate reader and have been
ever since I discovered the public library with a spectacular
children’s section in the city where I lived in Canada as a child. I
took my bicycle there once a week, filled the basket with books and
read those books over the course of the week. Evidently most of those
books were novels, children’s books, and so on, but I quickly realized
that there were certain books or certain pieces of information in some
of the books that spoke to me in other ways than the rest. Hence I
avidly searched for more of those books or for more books with passages
of that nature. They nourished me. As I grew older, I began to
acquire books with the goal in mind that I wanted material that
nourished me, and then, even at the age of 15, realized that some of
those had become faithful companions when life got hard. I was able to
find solace in them, greater understanding of how I might continue on,
and certainly, they encouraged me in my darker hours.
But it need not be books. It just needs to be a habit – once you understand this process – of finding daily quality nourishment that will sustain you, because it has served to grow a being (you) that carries inner strength and conviction, a being that knows it can survive, no matter what is thrown at it. Such inner nourishment can come in many guises, but you will know it because of how it raises your inner energy, your inner sense of well-being and helps you grow towards the goal of truly loving yourself. Begin to make the pursuit of such energy-raising nourishment a habit. It will serve you well and lead you closer to inner peace, well-being and freedom.
Dr. Kortsch holds a doctorate in
psychology and dedicates herself to integral coaching, clinical
hypnotherapy, relationship coaching, and energy techniques. She is an
author and professional speaker and broadcasts a live weekly radio show
in English that is available on the Internet or for listening on her
website, and has appeared in numerous television programs in English
and Spanish. She can help you move towards greater personal and
relationship success with her integral approach to life and offers
training and workshops in the field of self-development and choosing
responsibility for the self. Visit Advanced Personal Therapy.com and sign up for her cutting-edge newsletter in English or Spanish, or visit her blog for more timely articles.
