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Do You Focus on the Opposite of What You Desire?

By Joyce Shafer


Focusing on the opposite of what you desire is like aiming at a tree rather than at the target then feeling frustrated that you did not hit the bulls-eye. You know, we all do this at times.

How often we say we desire something then put a great many of our thoughts on what is the opposite of what will help us to achieve, attain, accomplish, allow, or open, to receive it more effortlessly.

I wrote "receive it more effortlessly" because we create quite a struggle for ourselves when our repetitive thoughts and feelings are aimed at what we do not want rather than on what we desire. Ultimately, what we desire (I know this is repetition) is the feeling we expect to have when we have what we desire. We must aim at and hit the desired feeling first so that everything that comes after the feeling connects us with our desired outcome. Understand that as your ultimate desire is a specific feeling, you want to allow leeway in how what you say you want shows up because it may not be exactly what you imagined, but something even better.

Mother Teresa understood this concept (truth) when she said she would not march against war, but would march FOR peace. Esther Hicks said that when you say NO! to something, it is important that you realize this is the same as saying yes to more of it because it is where your attention is more strongly placed. So, what can you or should you do about all those negative, opposite thoughts that enter your mind?.

You would make yourself crazy trying to control the tens of thousands of thoughts that pop into your mind each day. Thoughts happen . . . because you are always processing a lot of information, old and new. It is what you choose to do with or about any unsupportive thoughts after they happen that is important. And, how you start your day contributes to how you manage yourself the rest of the day.

A while back I noticed an odd habit each morning once I got moving: my first thoughts of the day were not positive; they were complaints, concerns, fears, and mostly focused on what I did not like or want any more of, often some of the same old stuff morning after morning. All such thoughts were opposite of what I desired. Of course, this got my attention.

I understand how Law of Attraction works, and that what I think leads to what I feel, and what I feel influences my choice of words and actions or non-actions, which influence my results. Understanding these truths is one thing; putting them into practice is another.

Allowing negative thoughts to continue means I choose to focus on the opposite of what I desire: good feelings (feeling enthused about my day and my life) and more positive experiences during the day. Also, best if we are realistic and recognize that you and I are not required to always be in Super Positive Land in order to move forward on desired outcomes. We will enjoy ourselves more if we are, but it is not required in every moment, in order to take action that will lead us to our goals.

Focus on what gets us to our goals IS required (aim at the bulls-eye instead of something to the left or behind you). Part of what leads to negativity and frustration is that we are not hitting our desired goals or hitting them as easily as we would like. Increase your odds of their attainment, move closer to them, and you start to feel lighter and more enthusiastic to go for more.

So, what did I do about my morning tendency toward negativity? I decided to choose my thoughts before I get out of bed each morning. The thoughts I have chosen are ones of appreciation, genuine thankfulness for a new day, new opportunities, new things to learn, and the blessings that I have in my life and those on their way to me. And if a negative thought tries to wiggle its way in, I remind myself of what I truly desire and move into that feeling space (as many times as this takes). Opposing thoughts cannot occupy the same space. One of them has to win. I CHOOSE which one I want to win.

Nor do I try to fool myself into believing I will never have negative thoughts (fears, concerns, criticisms) because I know that is unrealistic, and believing I have to be that way all the time will set me up to self-criticize. Knowing I can shift such thoughts if I choose to is empowering. Actually doing it is personal power in action.

What are some of the ways we focus on the opposite of what is desired?

Do you desire more abundance but constantly go over a mental list of what you feel is lacking in your life, or criticize or envy those who have what you desire?.

Do you want a better relationship but consistently focus on what you think is wrong with your partner rather than what you appreciate about him or her?.

Do you wish your relationship with your children (or anyone) was better, but more often than not you focus on catching them doing something wrong rather than doing something right?.

Do the majority of your thoughts (and actions) lead you to what will help you attain or accomplish your desired outcomes?.

Keep in mind that it is not about never having negative thoughts . . . you will; it is about making the choice to refocus yourself when they happen. Do this often enough and it becomes a natural part of you.

You are what you practice.
Joyce Shafer.

You Are More! Empowerment Coach Joyce Shafer, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say.


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