No Fixing Required
By Beca Lewis
I thought it was a rag lying in a puddle of water, but when I looked closer it was a tiny baby bird. “Oh so cute,” I thought as I knelt down to look closer. It didn’t move, so I carefully touched its wing producing a tiny hop from the bird.
“Are you hurt?” I asked it, and in that moment realized something about myself I had not known. I realized that somewhere deep inside I hoped it was hurt so that I could take it home and “fix it”. It was all about me. I could find comfort in helping this tiny bird. It might even think I was special and love me in return. I would have a story to tell about how wonderful I was for finding and helping this helpless bird.
I thought by wanting to care for the bird and help it I was demonstrating love. But within that moment of clarity I realized I was simply demonstrating a desire to “be” somebody by fixing someone else. Sitting back on my heels while watching this baby bird I realized that real Love would begin with the awareness of the current perfection of everything. That would include the bird and me. We were both just fine. I didn’t need to prove love by fixing it; I could simply know that the bird was safe within a much greater Love than my human love.
As I listened to the idea of real Love I heard a bird in the trees—probably the mom telling me to get the heck away from her baby. Since it was very early in the morning, and the bird was sitting in an out of the way place, I decided to continue my run and let the bird and her mom work it out. If the baby bird was still there when I came back I would do something. It wasn’t.
Recently a statement I wrote for my book “A Woman’s ABC’s of Life”, has been showing up in many places. I had begun to wonder why it was becoming so popular when the baby bird meeting occurred and I thought I had found my answer. The phrase I wrote was: “Yearn to understand first and to be understood second.”.
At the time I wrote this I was thinking about the quality of unselfish love and how much it would change the world if each person cared more about understanding the other person’s needs and desires than they needed to be understood themselves. Can you imagine how much every relationship would shift if each of us took this point of view? Perhaps many people feel that using this simple idea would transform their lives and bring the peace that we all desire.
However, the baby bird taught me the next step. Today could we imagine one step further? What if we began with the point of view of perfection for each of us? What if we weren’t trying to understand in order to “fix” someone but instead from the celebration of his or her innate perfection? .
The baby bird wasn’t the first time I thought by fixing something or someone I would be loved or be good. In fact — truth be told — fixing was what I thought I did best. And I am not alone in this mistaken view of love.
A few years ago a real estate agent was visiting our rental home in preparation for selling it for the owner. As she looked around the house she saw our stacks of “Living in Grace” books that we had just received from the printer, which prompted her to ask what we didAfter a brief explanation that we teach how to start from a spiritual point of view in all that we do, she was quiet for a moment and we both thought, “Wow — she understands.” Except what she said was, “ Great, can you fix my husband?”
In a way this is what we all do. We look for solutions to fix others rather than fixing our own point of view. It is so much easier to look outside our self to find someone with a problem to fix than it is to begin with the correct premise of Love first. With our real estate agent friend we tried to explain that if she could find just one thing that she absolutely, without qualification, loved about her husband, no matter how small, and focus on that when she thought about him, their lives would begin to change. After 10 minutes of trying, and after 30 years of marriage, she was unable to see anything that she was willing to love without judgment.
Willingness to love from perfection first is the key. When we begin from the point of view that there is a problem that needs to be fixed the solution will remain within the human. Within the human point of view solutions have pluses and minuses. Sometimes the solution, or cure, seems worse than the problem. There is plenty of evidence in the world today that beginning from the human story and trying to fix it from a human point of view is not the answer. Starting from the correct spiritual perfection premise we could avoid this whole story all together.
Isn’t it clear that “what we perceive to be reality magnifies?” As I knelt to the baby bird, if I would have stayed within the reality that the bird needed to be “fixed,” I might have taken a perfectly happy and healthy bird away from its natural environment.
As I shifted to a perception that the bird was perfect in Love, that reality magnified with the result of the bird flying away with its mom. At other times the outcome of this point of view may have produced a different action from me, but starting from Love’s perfection my action would not have been to fulfill a need for me, but as an expression of Love’s care for each of us.
This applies to all our relationships beginning with the relationship with our selfSooner or later we all will have to give up our stories about how much fixing we need or need to do for others. Sooner or later we will have to give up all thoughts and statements that begin with, “I need to fix this,” and begin instead with the spiritual perception of the perfection of the higher power called Love. This Love knows us all now as the complete and perfect expressions of Itself. The result of this shift, the outcome of this shift, will be much more grace-full and loving than any amount of human effort could ever accomplish.
If we could all kneel before each other and say without doubt, “ I see you now as the prefect and whole expression of Divine Love and my actions reflect that knowing” I imagine that will set us all free to fly “home” to “Mom”.
As an author and guide Beca Lewis is dedicated to bringing Universal Spiritual Principles and Laws into clear focus, and to shift material perception to spiritual perception, which following the law “what you perceive to be reality magnifies™”, adjusts lives with practical and measurable results.
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