Some people who are lacking in self-confidence clearly show it. You know they don't have any faith in themselves because they constantly doubt whatever they think or do or say.
Others, however, appear self-confident but their outsides and insides are out of sync. Though they present as though they have it all together, their insides tell a different story. They anguish over decisions; obsess over whether they measure up; find it hard to forgive themselves for a faux pas.
People are not born with self-confidence; they develop it over time. One way to begin this process is to study what a self-confident person is really like. Here's the inside scoop:
Self-confident people respect their own instinct, intuition and unique body of knowledge that they've acquired by living life and studying the mastery of recognized experts.
Self-confident people don't live in the "victim" position. Even if something really bad occurs, they find a way to transform it into a challenge, remembering to be grateful for the little things in life.
Self-confident people appreciate their strengths and acknowledge their weaknesses, without undue embarrassment.
Self-confident people are resilient. When something goes wrong, they harness their inner strengths and rebound fairly quickly from a setback or challenge.
Self-confident people don't let rejection, failure and blunders deter them from their goals. They learn from their mistakes. And don't waste time torturing themselves over what "could have been." Self-confident people are sure of themselves. Yet, this doesn't mean that they have the unquestioned conviction that they're right and that's that. They can see the truth on the other side and do not try to ramrod their ideas or beliefs down other people's throats.
Self-confident people are caring and respectful of others. They are not cocky, know - it-all folks who blow others off believing they're superior to them.
Self-confident people have their doubts. And make mistakes. And are far from perfect. But they put their inadequacies in perspective. And maintain a sense of humor about what they don't do well.
Self-confident people are
well, self confident. They don't constantly compare themselves with
others, only to conclude that they aren't "good enough".
I hope these insights have been helpful to you. If so, perhaps one day you'll be able to say what the actress Phyllis Rashad once said, simply but eloquently, "I am just myself and who I am is a lot."
Copyright 2010 Linda Sapadin, Ph.D
Linda Sapadin, Ph.Dis a psychologist in private practice who specializes in helping people enrich their lives, enhance their relationships and overcome self-defeating patterns of behavior. For more information about her work, contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org or visit her website at www.psychwisdom.com/.