By Kim Fowler
Originally Published in Coaching for Transformation
Jamie: I can’t seem to focus. It feels like everything I do, I’m missing something. I’m not at my best at work. I’m not even feeling like I’m at my best with my friends.
Akasha: I can hear the frustration in your voice. I’m also getting a sense of sadness.
Jamie: One of my closest and oldest friends died of liver cancer a couple of months ago. I still break down at times that surprise me. I’ll see or hear something that reminds me of him.
Akasha: I’m so sorry. It sounds like you loved him very much.
Jamie: He was like a brother. He meant a great deal to me.
Akasha: So what need is showing up in you right now around his death?
Jamie: I think I need the time to connect to my grief, with no other distractions. I did that when my mom died a few years ago and it was really helpful.
Akasha: So, you need to connect with your grief. We talked a while back about how needs are important in the present and they point to values, which are important over the long term. What value does connecting with your grief point to?
Jamie: Well, I guess at the base of it is that I really want to connect with me, with the soul and heart of me. That comes and goes. I want it all the time. I want to be with the me I really love. It’s a long time since I’ve felt that consistently.
Akasha: If you’re aware and living from the value of connecting with the soul of you, what would be different for you?
Jamie: Life would feel easier! I would still feel my grief, and would also start learning what it is to integrate it into me. My thoughts would be clearer. I think I would be sharper at my job. I also think I would be more compassionate with myself and my friends. I’d be more connected.
Akasha: So, what will help you stay in that value of connecting with your soul?
Jamie: I think it has something to do with making sure I connect with myself intentionally every day. Maybe if I do it every day, even if it’s only for half an hour, I will gradually grow it to where I want it to be.
Akasha: So you’ll connect with yourself for at least 30 minutes a day beginning today?
Akasha: How does that feel?
Jamie: Like I can breathe a bit easier. Like a start.
Akasha: You have such love for yourself to make this start.
Jamie: Yes, I think I do.
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