Trans4mind Home Page
~ A Journey of Self-Discovery ~

Looking for a better life?

Trans4mind Training, our series of online, interactive video workshops, presents the most effective methods of holistic personal development, combined with personal support from expert life coaches.

One Way to Get Past Many Fears

By Joyce Shafer

All of us come face to face with tasks or choices we feel anxious or fearful about, that perhaps stop us in our tracks. Here's something you can do to empower your way past them.

Maybe you've been in this uncomfortable place: There's something you need to do or know you should do, or a choice to make, but you hesitate or outright resist it because you're scared. Likely, the primary thing you're scared of is being scared. We resist feeling scared because we believe it's wrong to feel that way; that if we do feel that way, then something must be wrong with or lacking in us. And if something is wrong with or lacking in us, we're bound to mess up; so we'd prefer to avoid the matter entirely, rather than address the cause of the fearful or anxious feeling.

This involves a number of other fears, as well: Being embarrassed, thought less of, or humiliated (including about feeling scared, even though everyone feels scared at times). Who wants to willingly volunteer for THAT kind of experience?! We may also be scared about the outcome, or scared about what might or will be required of us after we make a choice.

What's listed here, or any similar concerns you may think of, seem like pretty good reasons (to our ego-aspect) to avoid any or all action, which includes making choices, so we might avoid the thing or things we fear might happen, or might prove "true" about us, or the feelings that are unwanted. But, then a whole other set of thoughts and feelings happen as a result of avoidance, don't they? And these can feel even worse than the ones we initially feared.

What can you do about this? You can have this conversation with yourself: "Even though I feel fear or anxiety about this matter, is there anything or anyone, including my well-being, involved here that I truly or deeply care about? If my answer is yes, is the care stronger than the scare?"

We get caught up in or blocked by the scare aspect and miss the important care aspect. A strong level of care is a powerful motivator. More care than scare creates different feelings in you, empowering feelings or, at least, intention and commitment. These two questions can help you identify your level of care or investment, or identify what is and is not appropriate for you.

If or when you find there is something or someone you care about more than you're scared about regarding a particular matter, including care about you, you'll find it far easier to figure out a right action (or next step) and to take it, than you could imagine while being in scared-mode only. It's even possible that nothing will stop you from taking right action, not even fear, if your level of care is deep enough.

When you care enough about something or someone, including yourself, you may find that you won't feel good about yourself unless or until you take a right action, whatever else happens. Theodore Roosevelt said: "In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." Although, those who practice spirituality or metaphysics would offer that there are times when it's best to do nothing until you are clear about what you must or choose to do. And, you can always do something at the inner level.

When you identify with something you really care about regarding a person, yourself, or a specific matter, you do what needs to be done. You find the will and the way. And if you feel nervous or anxious, you do it anyway. You can do things that scare you and release most or all of your fear about doing it whenever the real or potential greater needs of another (or your needs) are put before your need to not feel scared. Notice I didn't say to put others' needs before yours, but before your need to avoid feeling fearful or anxious.

This Q&A with your self is intended to reveal head-and-heart alignment about your level of care as the result of the questions, not so you convince yourself that you "should" do something that you're not in alignment with. You serve no one if your choice or chosen action invalidates or fragments you in any real way; and only you can know this about yourself.

Decades back, I went to a monthly meeting that was held in a fair-size room, though attendance was usually 10 to 15 people. I walked in and saw about 100 chairs positioned in a semi-circle across from a table with 3 chairs behind it. The 100 chairs were filling fast, and I wondered what was going on. The director approached me and said, "Thank goodness you're here. I planned a 3-person panel today, and one of them can't make it. Would you please take her place?" It was about two minutes to start-time. There was no time for me to do any kind of real preparation. But she needed a third person and believed my perspective would contribute to the dialogues she hoped would happen.

It was an adoption triad meeting, meaning attendees included anyone in a relationship with an adoptee, was an adoptee, had adopted, or was a birth parent or birth family member. At that time I was married to an adoptee who'd decided to search, or rather had asked me to do the search because of his fears about it. The director asked me to speak about this.

I took my seat at the table and looked around the room. The realization that at least one person there probably needed to hear what I would say pushed most of my fear out of the picture. I'd speak about what I knew, based on my experiences, and hope that it benefitted someone.

The other two speakers went before me, and they each received one or two questions from attendees. Then it was my turn; and with no notes to assist me, I shared what I felt were the relevant parts of my story that they might appreciate hearing. I got lots of questions; and after the meeting, one man said it was as though I had repeated his story, that I had expressed how he, as an adoptee, felt.

I could have let my scare outweigh my care that day and refused the director's request to be on the panel, because the thought of public speaking made me nervous, not to mention my concern that they wouldn't like what I said or that I'd do a bad job of it. Putting care before scare allowed me to contribute something of value and make a difference for others.

How many ways might you make a positive difference in your personal, professional, or vocational life if the care outweighed the scare? What kind of difference might you experience at the inner level because of this? How might how you feel about you be different? How might your life be different?

Many times care vs. scare does involve others, but it always involves you. You are the constant in your life and experiences. The next time you face a task or choice that you feel anxious or fearful about, ask yourself if there's anything or anyone involved, including you, which causes the care aspect to be stronger than the scare aspect. If there is, or if there isn't, let this fuel your motivation to right choices and right actions, and always in ways validating and appropriate for you. It's a good practice, one you'll appreciate.

Practice makes progress.

Copyright 2013 © Joyce Shafer
Joyce Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach dedicated to helping people feel, be, and live their true inner power. She's author of "I Don't Want to be Your Guru" and other books/ebooks, and publishes a free weekly online newsletter that offers empowering articles and free downloads. See all that's offered by Joyce and on her site at State of Appreciation.

Joyce Shafer
"I'm following my heart and sharing the pdf of my book, I Don't Want to be Your Guru, But I Have Something to Say.
"Note for the reader: the paperback book is for sale through Amazon (check the 'used' book offering for the best price), Barnes & Noble, and Borders online services. You can also ask your local bookstore to order it for you.
"Be or become a quantum thinker and help to create conscious individuals. Share the message of the book. If you belong to a book discussion group, perhaps use the book for one or more sessions. Let's all do what we can to lift the energy and consciousness on the planet. Every bit counts."
~ Many blessings, Joyce Shafer (Life Coach)
Download your free copy here

Out of the box
More personal development articles at the Counterpoint Article Library

From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:
Visit the INSIDE-OUT Blog
Wallace Huey & Peter Shepherd
Imagine if - with the help of personal development - the values of the heart could be brought into our families, communities and businesses... What kind of a world would this create?
By Wallace Huey & Peter Shepherd, Trans4mind Founders

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Sweet Tooth ~ Train your brain to lose your sweet tooth.
  • Finish What You Start ~ Sprint all the way past the finish line.
  • Do It Now ~ A hypnosis audio to trigger deep, emotionally driven activity.
  • Life Priorities ~ Hypnosis can help you clarify what really matters to you.
  • Stop Thinking About Someone ~ A session to help you move on from thoughts that have been constantly pestering you.
  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...

View all the Hypnosis Downloads here

Get a free Hypnosis Download at Facebook

Welcome to the New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program
is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
I think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
Copyright © 1997-2017 Trans4mind Ltd