Which Is It for You: To Be or to Become?
By Joyce Shafer
Have you ever said you want to be something (richer, thinner, stronger, etc.), but you're still wanting it or getting nowhere fast? What's up with that?
This is the time of year when the word "resolutions" pops up, whether it's to make some for the new year (though, we tend to make them anytime during a year and call them goals), or to discuss how to stick to them, or to muse about why so many don't follow through on them, or maybe even how they're just a waste of time. Resolutions are made when we want to be something different than we are. So, why aren't we resolute about them?
If we say we want to be something or other, that's like saying we wish it. There isn't a whole lot of energy in that; no commitment is stated, and perhaps not even felt. Sure, the desire for the result is there, awareness of the absence of the result each time we make the statement is there, but there really isn't a lot of personal power involved. And that means there won't be much personal motivation and action invested either. So, what can you do about this?
You can, instead, choose to become whatever it is you desire. That's a phrase with energy and intention behind it: "I want to be" vs. "I choose to become." Think of one thing you say you really want to be then say each phrase with what you want added to it, and see if you can feel the difference between the two statements: I want to be calmer vs. I choose to become calmer. You might even feel some hesitation or resistance about the second statement, because it means you have to make a choice, and act on it, which means no more waffling about doing what it takes to become what you've chosen.
Let's look at what it means to become something. It means you've chosen your desired result; you start where you are right now; and now you must take each step that gets you there, however many steps that might involve.
"Be" is so right now; and ego-mind can get quite impatient when it holds onto being something that isn't happening right this moment and may take time and energy on your part. "Becoming" is realistic. The very word expresses that a process of shifting from one way or state must be engaged (or is engaged) and followed through on. "Be" wants results as soon as the statement is made. "Becoming" recognizes and allows for the process involved that is natural and expected, and can even be anticipated and appreciated, something "want to be" usually doesn't align with.
Let's look at the example of a couple becoming as one. Do they wake up one morning and find they are as one? No. They engage in whatever it takes to become one, and that takes as long as it takes. It takes commitment and dedication from both individuals. And, they need to agree on what "being as one" means to them so they more easily identify the steps or actions, thoughts, words, and choices needed to fulfill this.
Here's something from Stuart Wilde on Dedication, from his book,The Secrets of Life: "It is rare that you meet a person who is truly dedicated. When you do, you will find that he or she is almost always very successful. Dedication is the warrior's prayer unto himself. It is a mode of fierce concentration, in which you become so attached and devoted to your cause that eventually life has to give you everything that you desire. Dedication is vital. You have to live your life like a warrior and live and breathe your ambitions."
Wilde also includes this about Perseverance: Perseverance allows you to hold on while the Universal Law delivers. [I add that what success looks or feels like should be based on individual definitions and desires, not society's imposed definition about what success is. Success comes in many "sizes;" dedication applies to all of them.]
We see something of a formula emerging: choose to become what you truly desire, be dedicated and devoted to achieving or accomplishing it, and persevere, all three of which convey a very solid message to the Universe and a very particular energy transmission for Law of Attraction to match.
This formula, however, is not how we usually go about it, though, is it? We usually talk about what we want (until others are either tired of hearing it or no longer believe us); perhaps talk harshly to ourselves for not already having it; whine or moan about any challenges we face; and pretty much act wimpy somewhere along the way. Why is this?
The word "Why" is the important one here. If you aren't clear about and dedicated to your "Why," that is, why YOU (no one else) want to become something, you can't get there from here. You'll start and stop, stall out, and may give up altogether. Maybe it really isn't your Why, after all, which might explain your lack of enthusiasm and dedication. If you think about any time you really want something, like a drink of water, for example, you do what it takes to get it. No one can convince you that you aren't really thirsty, or that it'll take too much time and effort to get it. No one can convince you that you don't deserve it. A good proverb to keep in mind about this is: What is the use of running when we are not on the right road?
Maybe, at times, it's our attitude or mindset that is the wrong road. A good parallel is when Moses was to lead his people to the Promised Land. Their attitudes and mindsets were such that what should have been an 11-day trek turned into a 40-year wandering in the desert. We can check our attitudes and mindsets to see if any of them interfere with our becoming what we choose or cause us to wander, somewhat lost, through our lives.
Running on the wrong road is one reason so many are frustrated and exhausted. Some wrong roads include wanting to be in control of others and/or all of life, wanting to be right all the time, wanting to receive without giving (not just tangibles, but even something like kindness and courtesy), wanting to never have challenges, faulty or out-dated beliefs, improper use of mind power, wanting something (or someone) not in our best interest or for the wrong reason, and so on. I'm sure each of us, with a bit of contemplation, can list a few wrong roads we're traveling on right now. We can get on right roads by choosing what we truly desire to become, and then doing what it takes, as long as it takes. It's a good practice, one you'll appreciate.
Practice makes progress.
Joyce Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach dedicated to helping people feel, be, and live their true inner power. She's author of "I Don't Want to be Your Guru" and other books/ebooks, and publishes a free weekly online newsletter that offers empowering articles and free downloads. See all that's offered by Joyce on her site at State of Appreciation.