Seeking True Self Awareness
By Barnabus Tibertius
Jesus said, "Let him who seeks continue seeking until he finds. When he finds, he will become troubled. When he becomes troubled, he will be astonished, and he will rule over all."
This is one of those sayings in Gospel of Thomas that I consider closer to the verba Iesu (words of Jesus) than the canonical parallel. The tension here appears to be on the world "troubled." That tension disappears when Logion 2 is taken in the spoken text and language in which it was delivered, Aramaic. Jesus did not speak Coptic. He probably spoke little Greek. Semitic idiom is lost when translated to Greek and 'Coptic Thomas' is two translations and two cultures distant. The versions of this saying from 'Papyrus Oxy 654' and Clement can be reconstructed:
When seeking is at the mind level of a concept, the mind itself is the limiting factor. The human mind operates in a rational and linear fashion. It is also dualistic in its approach to comprehending reality. This leads the goal to be isolated in nature from the self and open ended in attribute. When the goal is open ended, the process of seeking or the deviance from any desired goal becomes impenetrable mystery. This state of our own inadequacy is beautifully explained in Bhagavad-Gita in chapter 11: 53,54:
In a recent Tamil film, a comedy clip is based on a mind dominated search. In this episode the comedian meets a ferocious character with a large sickle who has ordered, at the pain of death, two other persons to search the ground for something he has lost. The comedian enquires from the menacing character what they are searching and he replies that they are searching for that which he has lost. When he enquires what is lost he replies it is the item for which they are searching. This is an unsolvable challenge or conundrum. But during this search if they find a diamond then they will marvel at the find because of the element of surprise and the value of the find.
This is the exact situation when one embarks upon a spiritual search for true self awareness. There is an innate desire to look for something that this material world is not giving us. When we embark on this search the goal is indefinable but as we progress the very act of constant search leads us, through a divine consciousness which is in us, towards a goal of immense value. This is the Holy Grail.
Beyond this stage there is nothing to attain and hence we have the ultimate conquest and reign over our own consciousness and through it the entire universe which is result of our consciousness. This is the final Sabbath, the rest in eternal bliss or Satchidananda. (Sat means true essence, Chit means consciousness and ananda means bliss.)