Awakening My Soul In Sobriety
by Emily Rose
It is very difficult to define a spiritual awakening, but it can be described as a connection to divine energy. The soul is fully awakened, bringing mental clarity and a heightened consciousness.
I’d like to share my sudden and powerful spiritual awakening experience in sobriety.
Utterly defeated by my addiction to alcohol, I surrendered and admitted myself into detox. After weeks of inpatient treatment, I was ready to start a new life in South Florida. Stepping into my sober living for the first time, I felt like I had made it to the finish line! I collapsed onto my bed and yelled, “I made it! I did it! I got out of San Francisco! I did it!”
My boyfriend of ten years still lived in San Francisco, but he completely supported my decision to stay in Florida. He knew how unhappy I was out there.
We quickly started making decisions on where we would eventually live together here in Florida. He would not be moving for some time as he had an amazing job. This was fine with me, I had a lot of work to do myself on my road to recovery. It suddenly dawned on me, I had never been sober in this relationship. Will it be different now?
I tried to focus on landing a job and staying sober.
After seven months sober I felt stuck, not knowing what to do next. Every month got harder and harder to stay sober. I am a spiritual person, and I was praying, but I still felt disconnected from my higher power. My cravings for alcohol were getting stronger and stronger. It was all consuming. I had reached a point where I needed some relief and peace of mind in my recovery. I wanted to be free from my fears and feel fulfilled with my life. I was a prisoner in my own head and my life was in a complete standstill.
I had reached my breaking point. Was I going insane? I felt mentally unstable, pacing around my apartment obsessing about every decision I’ve made over the years and the decisions I had to make in the future. Slipping into complete despair, I fell to my knees and prayed at my bedside asking God to “Show me the way so I may better do Thy will!” I repeated this prayer over and over again. This was the first time I had actually prayed on my knees and said these words. In complete hysteria, desperate for answers and exhausted, I laid down for the night.
Waking up the next morning was like waking up to a whole new life. I felt an urgency to leap out of bed. My eyes were wide open and the whole room was glowing. Everything was vibrant in color and all of my senses were at maximum capacity. I felt an immense amount of energy flowing through my body. I sat down in disbelief. I thought to myself, “I am insane. I’ve lost it.” I then realized my head had a strong crawling and tingling sensation. There were goose bumps all over my body, but I was not cold. I was not scared. I was awake, awake like I had never been before. My consciousness was fully awakened and I had never felt so exhilarated in my life. I literally sat in a chair all day by myself taking in the experience. I was afraid it would disappear if I left my apartment or talked to anyone. I grabbed a notebook and started writing. It was so clear to me what I had to do. The decisions I had to make at that moment were right in front of me.
Staying True to Myself
My soul had been awakened and I was finally allowing myself to have my true feelings. I had been in complete denial for far too many years. Over the years I had been looking for a solid reason why my relationship of ten years was not working. There’s no reason to torture myself this way. It was very simple. It wasn’t working and if I stayed in denial I would surely relapse. It was time to let go and move forward. I felt completely content and positive about my thoughts.
Other thoughts emerged during my awakening as well. I’ve always been deeply attached to my home town and obsessed over moving back for years. Listening to myself, I decided to drive up to Chicago. After staying there for three months I realized this was also something I needed to simply let go of. It was crippling me, holding me back for far too long. I drove myself right back to South Florida and straight to the beach. I sat there in a moment of complete bliss.
I’ve learned to listen, let go, and focus on the positive, not fear.
My awakening transformed my life forever. I believe it was God showing me how to listen to myself. Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to if you simply listen and go with the flow. It’s easy for me to live a happy life in sobriety when I stay connected and true to my higher self. I’m finally free to live my best life.