I asked my friend the other day, "When will I ever feel normal?" She looked at me like it was a trick question. Her reply to me was, "Stefanie, you are not "normal" but in a good way, you're special. Being sensitive makes you unique but it is what makes you who you are."
It is becoming more and more challenging to be in busy, noisy places. I have to brace myself for being around lots of people by making time to relax before I go out and time to recoup afterward.
It's frustrating because there are times that I would like to do things, but when I check in energetically I know that my nervous system can't handle the influx of stimuli. I have learned to honor myself by listening to what my being needs. Sometimes my parts don't work as a team, whereas I want to do more, and I think that I should be able to handle it, but in essence energetically I can't push myself, or else I pay for it later with fatigue and imbalance. I accept my strengths and weaknesses. I am learning how to get all of my parts, emotional, mental, spiritual and physical, to work as a team to keep me in balance.
Relationships are delicate to maintain, especially as a sensitive being. It is challenging to be around others without picking up on what they are thinking and feeling. As a highly intuitive person I often know what someone is thinking or feeling before they may even know or realize what they are thinking or feeling. Oftentimes I know things that seem to be common knowledge or seem very obvious, when in fact it may be someone's very personal business that they may, or may not be aware of or willing to share. I have to make a point of shielding myself energetically so that I do not invade their energy field.
I have worked really hard at not overstepping my boundaries without permission. I try to not offer advice or assistance to anyone without them asking for it first. I don't want to intrude. When we give or receive help without having it requested we are not actually helping at all. We are not empowering or helping someone by doing this, although our intentions may be good. We each need to find our own way. We can hold the space for someone else in his or her healing process, and be there when they need us, however, in order for each of us to grow we must each take an active role for it to be authentic and long lasting.
Being sensitive we also tend to absorb other people's energy, which can be draining. We may consciously or unconsciously lift someone's burden or become a sponge for those who unload on us while making themselves feel better. Whether we are in public, in small groups or one on one, we can sense when we are picking up other people's "stuff". I know I am on overload when I begin to get a racing heart, foggy thinking, and a feeling as if I'm being suffocated or my nervous system goes haywire. My five senses begin to become overloaded, surrounding noises becomes magnified, and I can feel myself begin to panic and shut down.
When my nervous system has been maxed out, I find that I cannot concentrate on what someone is saying to me, nor can I make sense when I speak. The television, radio or surrounding noise will rattle me. I have to realize when I have reached my saturation point and have the need to turn inward to re-balance. My stomach will begin to ache, and my neck and shoulders will become very tense. It's funny because before I go into any situation I find my exit strategy if it should become necessary. I will always have my own method of escape. I will keep my money and phone close by and will calculate the maximum amount of time I can handle being in any given situation.
The most tried and true methods of clearing my energy field is by spending plenty of time out in nature, being with my dogs, taking walks, cleansing baths, deep breathing, and spending time in my quiet sanctuary. I am also very fortunate to have good friends that nurture me. If I am out in public with someone I feel safe with I use him or her as a buffer. I am able to utilize the love energy from the people I feel comfortable with as a shield and merge energies with them so that I do not get the full impact of the surrounding stimuli.
Being sensitive I find relationships are more delicate to maintain. I feel we tend to see someone's potential rather than what they are actually capable or willing to give. I find that sensitives tend to give more than they receive. They are able to discern and perceive what someone's needs may be before it is even asked of them, and will reach out to offer assistance. sensitives intuitively know what others are feeling and needing and want to help however they can. The problem is they focus so much on other people and their needs that they neglect their own. At times, it is easier to see into someone else's heart than it is to see into one's own. I don't understand why I can have so much insight into someone else and sometimes have so little clarity into my own! As a sensitive I truly appreciate it when someone can offer the same unconditional love, kindness, tenderness and support that I am willing to offer. We truly need each other.
Sensitives are often very creative, artistic people. They feel and see things very deeply. They also have a fine appreciation of things, a reverence for life. Many sensitives are perfectionist. They can see every single angle of a situation and can dissect it with a fine toothcomb. They tend to analyze situations and really delve deeply into their feelings and emotions. I can spend endless hours evaluating something and come up with more insight than anyone could possibly imagine! Sometimes I cannot get myself to shut it off! This is when I know I need to distance myself from a situation so that new awareness and insight can be discovered.
Learning the fine art of letting go is a talent well cultivated by the sensitive being. I have found that it is necessary to know when to release something for the highest good of all concerned. I tend to want to do everything in my power to help people and situations. Sometimes the only way to benefit is by letting go. I don't always know the answers from my limited perspective. When we trust and allow things to be, we can breathe new life into situations that may be burdening us. We can't always fix things. We have to learn how to let things be. My favorite saying is: "It is what it is" once I remind myself of this, I go, "Oh yeah!"
I feel we need to love ourselves for the way we are. I get so frustrated with myself for being so overly sensitive in all ways. This is my true nature and I need to accept it. I want to be healthy, in balance, and happy, so I must nurture my essence. I was reading a story to my second grade students today and discussing with them about loving and accepting themselves for who and what they are and not wanting to try to be someone or something else. I felt a little fairy tap me on my shoulder and wink as she reminded me that I need to take my own advice!
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