One of the Deadliest Sentences You Can Say
By Brad Swift
I heard it again last week. In fact, as a professional life coach I've heard it way too often. Most recently I heard it from a friend of one of my family members. I believe it's one of deadliest sentence you can say is: "That's just the way I am, I can't help it."
The friend was sharing how hard it is to open up to people and to share his feelings. He's had a rough early life and it's left emotional scars. I'm sure you know of others who have had difficult times especially in their childhood years that may take years to heal and much effort as well.
But here's why I consider "That's just the way I am, I can't help it," to be one of the deadliest sentences you can say — because it 'sentences' the person to a life of the same way of being that hasn't worked for them up to that point.
Sure, up to this point I can get and really empathize with this young person that his challenging past has made it hard for him to open his heart and share himself...but please let's not condemn ourselves to a lifetime sentence of such a condition. Relating to yourself in this way cuts out all possibility for you to grow, develop and transform.
How an Introverted Vet Became a Coach, Writer and Public Speaker
If any of you had known me during many of my years as a veterinarian, you would have sworn that I was doomed to be a reclusive, introverted, struggling practitioner for the rest of my life.
I was scared — not of the animals, my patients — I loved them and could totally relate to them. No, I was terrified of the Homo Sapiens at the other end of the leashes — my clients — you know the ones with the check books and credit cards who paid the vet bills. No wonder I struggled to make payroll many weeks.
If someone had told me back then that I would eventually be speaking to hundred of people at a time about life purpose, or coaching highly successful people in how to overcome burnout and overwhelm, or be on dozens of radio talk shows and television programs sharing about living a more purposeful and meaningful life... well, I would have laughed and known they were crazy.
But that's the power of the transformation that's available when people tap into the passion that comes with knowing their life purpose with crystal clarity. It has the power to reshape your life in very positive and purposeful ways.
Oh, it's not that the fear and lack (as in "I'm not good enough" type lack) doesn't rise up up again sometimes to invite me back to being an introvert. Even as I write this I can hear it say, "How dare you set yourself up as an example like this. People will think you're bragging on yourself." Okay, think what you think. It's just the example that came to me and it's all true, so there.
Declare a Mis-Trial and Give Yourself a New Sentence
You aren't stuck with any self-limiting belief like this. Sure, you may have found it hard, difficult, or even impossible to open up your heart and share yourself... in the past, but remember we live in the NOW. At any given moment we can make a new choice. Small baby steps lead to larger adult steps.
It could start by reframing the 'deadly sentence' to something like this: "I know in the past I've not been able or willing to share my thoughts or feelings with others, and having realized that, I am now asking for your support in helping me to become more open and available."
As unique sparks of the Divine, we're meant to grow, develop and transform throughout our lives. Don't sentence yourself to anything less than a life on purpose.
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