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Your Inner Child Can Heal Your Life

By Michelle Wolfe-Emery

When we view our problems or issues from an ordinary perspective we tell ourselves it's either bad luck, to do with someone or something else, a part of life, or we blame ourselves. In fact we are conditioned to see life as a random act of happenings, to blame others or our circumstances or to put ourselves down when things are not going to plan. But what if everything that happens to us is coming from us? What if everything that occurs good or bad is ultimately our creation? What if a part of us is being controlled at a deeper level by our subconscious? And inside our subconscious is a small child, the child we once were, who is calling the shots?

It is becoming more and more clear to psychologists, therapists and healers that the inner child has more of an influence over our lives than we were previously aware. This part, although living in our subconscious mind, is a living conscious part. It is the child we once were and it holds all our hurts, disappointments, traumas, anger, negative feelings and sadness. We may not all have experienced trauma or extreme difficulties, but we have all experienced upset and possibly hurt to a greater or lesser degree. Often these past pains are reflected in our current life circumstances. That bout of depression, that anxiety, those panic feelings, those critical thoughts, those issues with food, that fear of intimacy and so on. These are all brought on by your inner child, because that part has not healed and it wants you to know. It wants you to go back and give it a hug, it wants you to listen and help, it wants your love. When upsetting or sad things happen to us as children we don't just forget about it. It becomes suppressed within us, and at a later date will manifest as illness, bad days, the blues, anger, fears, self sabotage or something else.

So think about something that affects your ability to be happy in the world, or something which affects your inner peace. It may be a relationship issue, a physical problem or illness, feelings of low self worth or confidence, it may be money worries, weight problems, an eating disorder, an irrational fear or perhaps an internal block which you can't put your finger on. All these problems are governed by the inner child at some level. Within each issue is a message which your inner child longs for you to understand, a message which tells you something about the past. Something in your childhood which happened then, but is still holding you back, keeping you stuck, creating unhelpful patterns, bringing up painful feelings, or maybe even making you feel numb. Even day to day occurrences like the car breaking down, being bitten by a dog, a bounced cheque, a crisis, rejection from a partner, an accident are all governed by the inner child.

What is happening is you are pulling (at a subconscious level) these incidences and situations to you. Nobody knows how this actually happens, we just know it miraculously does! And it so happens we find ways to resolve it, because we are here to find happiness and to fulfil our highest potential, not to suffer, struggle and never be at peace. There is a deeper reality functioning at all times within and around us. This reality dictates that we have come to this earth to find joy, and often it is our inner child who stands in our way. It does not mean to do this, it just needs to heal past wounds or address detrimental beliefs which affected us as children.

So to undo the conditioning or upsets from the past we have to connect with our inner child, we then have to help heal this part which will in turn free us from all that seems to disable us.

Connecting with the inner child is a relatively easy exercise which you can do right in this moment. All you need is twenty minutes where you won't be disturbed and to be comfortable. Sitting in a cosy chair, or laying on a bed is fine. You may even choose to play some soft mellow music to help you relax. Also if it is possible and you think it will help you may wish to dig out an old photo of yourself as a child to look at before you begin the exercise.

So getting comfortable and undoing any tight clothing... take two deep breaths, breathing right down into your abdomen. As you breath out feel yourself beginning to relax. It is best to close your eyes, slightly opening them every time you need to refer to what I am saying here (unless you have a friend who can read this to you). Taking your time now, relax your scalp and forehead... feel the tiny muscles letting go and becoming smooth... relax your eyes, cheeks, mouth and jaw... let the muscles go... unclench your jaw and relax your tongue... let your shoulders become loose and limp, let any tension go, let it flow away... relax your chest and let your breathing become slow and easy... relax all the way down your back, your shoulder blades down to the base of your back... let any tension in your tummy flow away... relax your hips, right down your legs, down your calfs... feel your feet relaxing and your toes, like when you take off tight shoes... and let your arms go limp and heavy... and your hands letting go... allow your thoughts to become peaceful, breathing away tension, problems and things on your mind... breathing them all away... let your whole body become completely relaxed... feeling so peaceful... and focus on your breath as you count slowly back from ten to zero in your thoughts... good, now I want you to think about a place you remember as a child, it may be your family home, school, a playground or something else... just let that come into your mind, it doesn't matter if it isn't very clear or if you just sense it... when you have something make it as clear as you can... now imagine you see your child self coming toward you, you as you were when you were a child... you may look different to what you had expected or you may not... notice what you are wearing and your hair... notice your expression, how do you look?... Perhaps you are holding something... now imagine you, the adult you, are walking up to your child self... tell the child who you are... tell them you have come to be their friend... (at this point some of you may become emotional, especially if your inner child was lonely or suffered in childhood)... if it feels ok offer to hug the child (but don't do this if the child resists), or you could hold their hand or let them sit on your lap... ask them if they have anything to say to you and answer any questions, but always remain loving, supportive and reassuring... now it is time to say goodbye to the child, do whatever feels natural, give them a big hug or kiss or just wave goodbye... and return back to the room you are sitting in.

Well done, you have just meet your inner child! Now this is just a very brief introduction, and to fully heal your inner child takes time and possibly the revisiting of many childhood memories where you would help the child to release trauma, pain or even something little which felt big to you as a child at the time. This form of healing is hugely valuable and can change your life in a instant. To learn more about inner child healing and how you can resolve many problems yourself, please see my book Keys To Freedom: A Psycho-spiritual Approach to Inner Child Healing, available now.

Michelle Wolfe-Emery: Psychotherapist, Inner Child Healer, Author of 'Keys To Freedom'.