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How Do You Really Feel About Yourself?

By Joyce Shafer

Self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-love and acceptance are about the level of belief you have in yourself, which comes from knowing yourself. If these are low, there's a good reason: your true identify was messed with.

When anthropologist Margaret Mead gave birth to her daughter, she expressed eagerness to discover who her daughter was, rather than impose who she expected her daughter to be. That's not how it usually goes. Usually, there are expectations - low, average or high - already in place of and for us, and from more than one person as we move through life.

What happens for a lot of us as a result is what we commonly call an Identity Crisis: we grow up uncertain about who WE really are or how to discover this in a way that isn't punishing or disapproved of, either by others or ourselves, led by others' examples about this. After such a start in life, it may feel scary to make the journey of Self discovery.

An Identity Crisis affects your general choices and decision-making. Amid expectations of those around you now and from the past, it can feel intimidating to get to know yourself authentically, and even to love and accept yourself, or trust yourself to act in a way that keeps your self-approval and self-integrity intact.

An Identity Crisis can lead to trying to be perfect, which is impossible, stressful, and pulls or keeps a person off track and out of joy. Or, it may cause a person to feel immobilized about going for more than the basics in life. Perhaps, even some of both. When you have an Identity Crisis in any degree, you feel out of harmony with yourself and with life and even with All That Is. But, that is a perception; and you can change this.

An Identity Crisis causes us to look at what others are doing and compare ourselves to them. It leads to jealousy because we feel intimidated by the gifts, talents, and results of others, and by those who express greater belief in themselves (and All That Is) than we currently feel or demonstrate. We may try to imitate others in order to fill this void. But, when we try to be like someone else, we can't be ourselves.

You might be able to name one or more people who were involved in any theft or disruption of your true identity, but you reach a point in life when it's time to realize that if you have inappropriate expectations for yourself - or few appropriate expectations, you've become the thief or disruptor of your true identity. And this is where Law of Attraction needs to enter the picture, because this Law will match confusion and clarity equally. Law of Attraction responds to your thoughts of both what you want and don't want - as though they are requests of equal measure.

Can you see how the effects of an Identity Crisis can affect how the Law of Attraction works in your life? Every thought, word, or action - supported by what you really feel - is a vibration you transmit that the Law of Attraction picks up as a request to be matched and fulfilled. Whatever you feel about yourself right now, you must pay attention to the vibrations of the feeling-based energy you transmit.

If you aren't sure what it means to pay attention to the vibrations you transmit, think of it like this: what you attract is based on your perceptions, which cause you to feel a certain way. It's about how you perceive yourself and others and life, and how you perceive your relationship or interactions with yourself, others, and life. You could say that if you want to adjust what you attract, monitor and adjust your perceptions so you monitor and adjust how you feel.

Other words for perceptions are beliefs, attitudes, expectations, anticipations, assumptions, presumptions, perspectives, and conclusions. Every attraction and therefore result in your life is set into motion by Your Perceptions, starting with how you perceive yourself. You must start with how you feel and think about you, if you want to influence any vibration you transmit to the Law of Attraction for a desired outcome.

Listen to your self-talk and what you say about anyone and anything - because there ultimately is no separation between your perceptions about yourself and perceptions about anyone or anything else. It's all connected. We are all connected, all one energy, but many expressions of it. And though we may not like it, we cannot perceive something outside ourselves that doesn't exist, in some measure, within us - negative or positive. We can either judge our "mirrors" or we can further hone our Self identity because of what we observe.

Who you really are is a unique, individualized expression of and participating contributor to All That Is. You're not your body, your bank balance, your wardrobe, your car, your home, your job, or any other physical representation. And it isn't how these "look" that represents you or attracts manifestations, but HOW YOU FEEL about how they look that does. This feeling is what Law of Attraction picks up as orders to fill, and is why a state of appreciation is so important.

Your identity is intimately linked to your experiences. You are ever unfolding, evolving - choosing! Your experiences play a significant role in assisting or allowing you to define and clarify your identity. And how you perceive your identity plays a significant role in the choices you make. Your identity is NOT based on outcomes, as society would tell you, but on what you do about and with your experiences, how you grow from them and what you learn about yourself and your relationship with All That Is through them. Outcomes are manifestations of your inner processes that can show you if you're on target or need to take better aim with your energy.

When you clothes shop, you know what's you and what isn't. Approach anything and everything the same way. You don't have to know all of your preferences or defined aspects by tomorrow; in fact, that's not how this physical experience is set up. You're meant to discover preferences and identity aspects, including through contrasts, and to do so until the moment you exit your physical form.

The greatest treasure you can have is feeling good, including, or especially, about yourself. This affects how you feel about everyone and everything else. This is why it's important that the first thing to realize about your identity is that you are a beloved expression of Source. Everything that follows that is just a path of exploration, discovery, and expression. If you feel you only partially know who you really are, admit that, at least to yourself, and start where you are about this, in this moment.

Get excited about what an adventure this can be, what an adventure it was always meant to be. Your personalized adventure is a main reason you came to this physical experience. Maybe it's time to make the most of it. Maybe it's time to let go of worrying about how others will see you and focus on how you choose to be in partnership with who you know yourself and discover yourself to be. Practice appreciating or honoring every facet of this adventure because there's a treasure hidden inside each facet, flat surface, gap, twist, and curve.

Practice makes progress.

Copyright 2012 © Joyce Shafer
Joyce Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach dedicated to helping people feel, be, and live their true inner power. She’s author of “I Don’t Want to be Your Guru” and other books/ebooks, and publishes a free weekly online newsletter that offers empowering articles and free downloads. See all that’s offered by Joyce and on her site at State of Appreciation.

Joyce Shafer
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