Trans4mind Home Page
Trans4mind Companies

TRANS4MIND TRAINING FOR COMPANIES

Uniquely based on empowering personal development, supported by personal trainers, Trans4mind Training's online interactive video workshops meet the need to find new and innovative ways to prosper in a fast-changing business world. YOU can bring this life-changing training to the workplace - and be well paid. No previous experience necessary!

Learn more & get started...

Are You An Approval Addict?

people pleasing

By Linda Sapadin, Ph.D

Do you have a strong need for approval from others?
Do you worry a lot about what others think of you?
Do you have difficulty saying “no” to others, but feel sad when they don’t respond in kind?

If so, it’s time for you to chill out before you burn out. Seeking approval from others is draining, diminishing and invariably disappointing...

  • Draining - because you use up so much energy seeking approval that you can’t focus on what’s really important to you.
  • Diminishing - because your needs often end up at the bottom of the pile.
  • Disappointing - because no matter how hard you try, some people still won’t like you, appreciate what you do, or value your opinion.
So, if you want to break your approval addiction, read on…
  1. Instead of looking outward, go inward and reflect on how you want to live your life.
    If you find yourself living your life to accommodate others or chasing pursuits just to fit in or gain acceptance, stop. Though it may initially feel warm and fuzzy to win another's favor, reflect on whether it’s worth it in the long run. If you do decide to say “yes” to what others want, make sure it fits into your time schedule and is, at least partially, on your terms. Rather than taking on tasks simply to please another, aim toward living by the rules that make sense to you.

    Nix the guilt if you didn’t do what someone else wanted. Nix the fear of offending others. In no way am I suggesting that you aim to be a self-centered, egotistical person. Being a generous, giving person is an admirable quality. But accommodating others just to win their approval or to prove your worthiness is another matter.

  2. Know when and how to say “no.”
    The ability to say “no” - especially when you’re thinking “no” - will reap unexpected benefits. Here are just a few:

    Your “yes” will be more respected by others, as those who can’t say “no” are often treated as doormats.

    Saying “no” will help you set reasonable limits on your time and energy.

    Saying “no” will help you build character. Character is weakened by saying “yes” to everyone and everything.

    Learn the many ways to say “no.” Most will fit into one of these four categories:

    • a polite “no”
      "No, but thanks for thinking of me."
    • a “no” with an explanation
      “No, I’d like to join you but I just don’t have the time.”
    • a “no” with an alternative proposal
      "No, I can’t drive you now but I’ll be available in an hour.”
    • a blunt “NO”
      “No, I won’t do it.” As a pleaser, you’ll probably use this type of “no” sparingly, saving it for those who brush off your initial “no.”

    Teach yourself the skill of using whatever type of “no” best fits your mood and the situation.

  3. Give yourself the approval that you seek from others.
    We live in a culture in which it’s easy to feel frazzled and fried. Work harder! Faster! Better! Though this is troubling for many, it’s particularly tough for an approval junkie. Why? Because approval seekers are prone to assuming an abundance of responsibility. Add on your dislike of disappointing others and life can easily get out of hand. You know what I’m talking about, right? In your saner moments, you do know that you can’t do everything. So, if something has to give, make sure it’s not your good feelings about yourself.

Remember - always, always, always treat yourself with respect. Know your worth. Value your time. Make choices that are right for you. Instead of feeling pressured to go along with something you don’t want to do, speak up. Give yourself the kindness, acceptance and approval that you’re seeking from others.

“People often say that a person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something that one finds. It is something that one creates.” ~ Thomas Szasz

Copyright © 2017: Linda Sapadin, Ph.D
Linda Sapadin is a psychologist and personal coach in private practice who specializes in helping people enrich their lives, enhance their relationships and overcome self-defeating patterns of behavior. For more information about her work, contact her by email or visit her website at PsychWisdom.
More Happiness & Wellbeing articles

Good info on many topics:
Submit your own article

Tools for Transformation

personal development
Trans4mind offers its visitors a huge range of complimentary personal development resources for self-directed education and transformation of the whole person...
HOW TO USE THE RESOURCES 
Introduction to our Tools for Transformation. We aim to open up the mind to new ideas, new challenges and new solutions - to think differently and be creative.
SEE THE SITE MAP 
Describes all the contents of Trans4mind.com.
WORDS OF WISDOM 
Here are our favorite quotes. The best quotes distill powerful wisdom into a few words and can make a real difference to our perception and understanding. Including:
Life  Purpose, Spiritual  Awareness, Success and Abundance, Wisdom from the Heart, Happiness and Wellbeing, Communication & Relationships, Motivation and Leadership, Parenting and Education, Emotional Intelligence, Transitions in Life, Social Community, Quirky Quotes, Creativity, Proverbs, Humor - and many further topics in the Wisdom from the Heart section.
INSIDE-OUT BLOG 
Articles by Peter Shepherd and Wallace Huey. Imagine if the values of the heart could be brought into our families, communities, charities, organizations and businesses... what kind of a world would this create?
TRANS4MIND PODCASTS 
Audios by Peter Shepherd, focused on key personal development topics, to help advance your personal growth.
RAISE YOUR VIBRATION 
A free meditation program to help you experience the state of unconditional love - key to lasting joy and fulfillment in your life.
THE POSITIVE APPROACH 
Become more clear about your own identity, what you want in life - your life vision - and how to manifest your full potential.
THE AFTERLIFE 
If we do actually have a soul, then where does it go after death? Near-death experiences provide convincing answers.
ONLINE BOOKS 
Check out our fascinating collection of complete books for you to read online, including Peter Shepherd’s Transforming the Mind, which created the foundation of this site back in 1997.
EBOOK DOWNLOADS 
Over 250 PDFs to freely download covering many personal development topics - and including the range of Trans4mind publications.
KNOW YOUR OWN MIND 
Free personality test based on the Eysenck Personality Questionnaire. See yourself as others may see you, in a more objective light, so you can know yourself better.
PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT VIDEOS 
Watch our selection of over 400 personal development videos by top experts, offering many insights about mind, body and spirit.
AND LOTS MORE 
Our site is expansive, including loads of helpful resources. See what else we have.

Check out the menus on the top of every page too!

Hypnosis Downloads

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...
 

View all the Hypnosis Downloads here

Copyright © 1997-2018 Trans4mind Ltd
Terms of Use & Privacy Policy       Email Webmaster