Trans4mind Home Page
~ A Journey of Self-Discovery ~

Feeling That You're Not Good Enough

By Linda Sapadin, Ph.D

The belief that you are "Not Good Enough" is born of the story you tell yourself. Tell yourself a different story and you start meandering down a different road. Believe the new story and you live in a new world.

Jean was a chunky kid. If she didn't change her eating patterns, she'd be heading straight to fat. And nothing was worse than a fat kid. Unless it was fat and stupid. And Jean was convinced that she was both.

Her parents told her she was too hard on herself. "I know," said Jean. "But I don't know any other way to be." It's not that Jean never told herself that she was ok. It's just that two minutes later, she'd notice how everyone else was better than her. This would then plunge her into a long stream of negative self-talk, ending in an orgy of eating and self-pity.

How did all this endless dressing down originate? As with many things in life, it's complicated. Jean was always a serious kid. A kid who wanted to do well. A kid who wanted to please. She was born into a high achieving family who emphasized grades and studying and getting ahead in life. All in the service of avoiding the sea of mediocrity.

Of course, her parents never intended to make their kid feel that she wasn't good enough. Indeed, their aim was just the opposite: study hard, get good grades and you'll always feel good about yourself. Not a bad message. But when a kid has a perfectionist nature, good messages often go off course. And, when it is reinforced by an over-the-top competitive academic atmosphere, watch out!

Such an atmosphere promotes a belief that good is not good enough. To be good enough, one must be exceptional, outstanding, unsurpassed. Is it any wonder then that though Jean had it made in the smarts department, she felt stupid, not good enough.

I would like to tell you that our girl's self-doubt dissipated after a few positive experiences. And in all fairness, she did ease up on herself for awhile. However, it was always short lived; for her "not good enough" judgments continued to haunt her. Negative energy is like that. It has a habit of becoming your default mode of being.

The art of living well requires you to find your own truth. This does not come easily to many. But when you are ready to let go of your old story and tell yourself a new story, momentous change is in the works.

Jean's momentous change was precipitated by a dream she had in her 2nd year of college. "I saw myself standing outside in the cold rain, peering through the window watching my friends inside laughing, dancing and having a great time. And me? I was left out in the cold. I could have walked inside to join them but I stopped myself from doing so. Why, I wondered. When I searched for an answer, I recognized that I was short on self-love, long on self-shoulds. "

"No more," she declared. "No more using my rear-view mirror to guide my journey forward. I'm resetting my expectations. Not lowering them. Just making them more down-to-earth. I've had enough of not being good enough. It's been making my life miserable for too many years. "

As Jean spent time pondering the meaning of her dream, she wisely concluded that sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose. Sometimes you learn. Sometimes you do all three. And those are invariably your very best days.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else
is the greatest accomplishment.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Copyright © 2013: Linda Sapadin, Ph.D
Linda is a psychologist and personal coach in private practice who specializes in helping people enrich their lives, enhance their relationships and overcome self-defeating patterns of behavior. For more information about her work, contact her by email or visit her website at PsychWisdom.

More personal development articles at the Counterpoint Article Library

Good info on many topics:

Want to renew your life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of holistic personal development...
Start off with a Free Life Assessment and a Free Consultation...

Have a question about Trans4mind Training?

Frequently Asked Questions
What Are Our Fees?
Email Peter Shepherd

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...

View all the Hypnosis Downloads here

Get a free Hypnosis Download at Facebook

Hypnosis is the key to unlocking your creativity, focusing your energy and understanding yourself

Hypnosis has a long history of helping human beings be the very best they can be. It can be used to control anything controlled by the unconscious mind - pain, blood pressure, fear, confidence levels, mood, sex drive... the list goes on:

  1. You'll become highly productive without getting stressed
  2. Tap into your creative energies instantly
  3. Really understand yourself and others
  4. You'll learn how to stay calm in high pressure or uncomfortable situations
  5. Develop laser-like levels of focus and concentration

Lean more... Uncommon Hypnosis Course

Welcome to the New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program
is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
We think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!
And here's a fantastic resource for self-education...

The World of Inspiration eLibrary

World of Inspiration
A treasure trove of personal development wisdom

Step inside. Just like a real library, there are thousands of quality eBooks presented on three "floors" and in different "rooms." To purchase your $15 Lifetime Membership to the World of Inspiration eLibrary, click the following button:

Payment is made through our secure transaction agent, PayPal.
The transaction is in the language and currency of your choice.
"I want to just say 'WOW!' This collection is probably the best money I ever spent! I've already received many times over in personal enrichment after just 9 days. I've had a past metaphysical background, but even newcomers to this material will really benefit. Thanks again." ~ J.S. (Pennsylvania, USA)
"The collection is everything which you promised. And more! A superb contribution to the good of the world. Many thanks indeed." ~ R.P. (Georgia, USA)
"Just a short note of thanks for the library. I've only had membership for several days now but I already feel this is perhaps the most interesting compilation I have yet seen. Worth far more than the price of admission. The browser linked structure works well and makes it easy to manage such a large storehouse of information. It is rarely that I find something I like as much as this or that I feel strongly enough to write a note like this." ~ P.W. (Minnesota, USA)
Copyright © 1997-2017 Trans4mind Ltd