Trans4mind Home Page
Trans4mind Companies

TRANS4MIND TRAINING FOR COMPANIES

Uniquely based on empowering personal development, supported by personal trainers, Trans4mind Training's online interactive video workshops meet the need to find new and innovative ways to prosper in a fast-changing business world. YOU can bring this life-changing training to the workplace - and be well paid. No previous experience necessary!

Learn more & get started...

Coming of Age Emotionally

By By Gabriella Kortsch, Ph.D.

Emotional maturity has little to do with chronological maturity. It may come before you become an adult, or you may have been an adult for decades, and still not have attained any kind of emotional maturity.

"In our emotional lives we tend to attract to us - and have relationships with – people who have attained (or stagnated at) the same level of emotional maturity as we have." That quote is from my new book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin (just released).

What that quote implies is very important. You might have a relationship with someone who is very sophisticated in all manner of mundane ways, and who is, nevertheless, emotionally immature. You may have noticed this. You may think to yourself: how can he/she be so childish (in that emotional sense), and yet so worldly and intelligent in all those other ways?

You - or anyone else - didn't necessarily grow up in a "balanced" way on all different levels. So you might have an advanced degree from an institution of higher learning, or you might be a whiz on Wall Street and be pulling in millions, or you might be a genius in quantum physics, or you might be an amazing ballerina or concert pianist who has fought tirelessly to reach that degree of perfection, or you might be the person who invented a late-gen chip that beats all other chips for data storage, or you might be the world's number one tennis player, or that actress who won so many awards. The point is, you may have developed on many levels to an ultra-high degree, but your emotional growth and development - in a word, your emotional maturity - may have not kept pace with the rest.

Why this happens is easily understandable, and here are just a few of the reasons:

We are generally raised by parents who themselves lacked emotional maturity - not because they were immature in everything, but because they, in turn, were raised by their emotionally immature parents - and what we don't see - in our parents or caretakers - as we are growing up, is that much harder to acquire. In other words, they (and we) lacked the appropriate role models in this regard.

As a corollary of the above point, due to their emotional immaturity, our parents frequently saddle us with emotional situations or events that cause us to internalize something subconsciously that hurts, and on that same visceral level we interpret it as danger, and that is the place where our defense mechanisms begin to raise their toxic heads (which are the reasons why psychotherapists such as myself exist).

Our society doesn't exactly honor the 'inner' quest; hence self-reflection is becoming a lost art and therefore the above two points, while perhaps vaguely there in our understanding, are not consciously taken into account and then worked on, honed, and refined in our desire to grow up in that way - emotionally - that may so very much - and so very long - hinder and hamper our lives.

Therefore awareness and being conscious of the self are not generally qualities we pick up at home or school ... not even at church.

Finally, due to all of the above, we also do not tend to have role models while we are growing up, that teach us how to love ourselves, and that hinders coming of age emotionally in crucial ways.

So back to the quote at the beginning of this article: In our emotional lives we tend to attract to us - and have relationships with – people who have attained (or stagnated at) the same level of emotional maturity as we have.

Due to the lack of development in the emotional part of your psyche, and due to the reasons it is like that (as I have briefly illustrated in this article), wherever you are at emotionally - let's equate it to grade 5 at school - you will (ideally) need to grow in order to progress. How do children in grade 5 tend to learn? They go to class with others at the grade 5 level. And so we attract to us and have relationships with people who have attained the same level of emotional maturity as we have. At that level there will - eventually, after the first glow has worn off - be friction. You may blame it on your partner. But once you are aware enough that you are part of this dance, and start to take responsibility for yourself and all you think, feel, say, and do, is when you start to change and grow.

If you are lucky, your partner will do the same, and by growing together, your relationship has high possibilities for prospering. If your partner is not interested in growth, or prefers to remain at the status quo, you might have to look elsewhere for another individual who is - now - at this new level you have attained in your emotional maturity (we might call it grade 6). And of course it could be the other way around: that it is your partner who has taken steps to growth, and that it is you who wish to remain in your comfort zone.

Either way, change will come. Where are you at, on that continuum of coming of age emotionally?

Dr. Kortsch is a psychotherapist, clinical hypnotherapist, relationship coach, author, and professional speaker. She broadcasts a live weekly radio show in English that is available on the Internet or for listening on her website, and has appeared in numerous television programs in English and Spanish. She can help you move towards greater personal and relationship success with her integral approach to life and offers training and workshops in the field of self-development and choosing responsibility for the self. Visit Advanced Personal Therapy.com and sign up for her cutting-edge newsletter in English or Spanish, or visit her blog for more timely articles.
More Happiness & Wellbeing articles

Good info on many topics:
Submit your own article

Tools for Transformation

personal development
Trans4mind offers its visitors a huge range of complimentary personal development resources for self-directed education and transformation of the whole person...
HOW TO USE THE RESOURCES 
Introduction to our Tools for Transformation. We aim to open up the mind to new ideas, new challenges and new solutions - to think differently and be creative.
SEE THE SITE MAP 
Describes all the contents of Trans4mind.com.
WORDS OF WISDOM 
Here are our favorite quotes. The best quotes distill powerful wisdom into a few words and can make a real difference to our perception and understanding. Including:
Life  Purpose, Spiritual  Awareness, Success and Abundance, Wisdom from the Heart, Happiness and Wellbeing, Communication & Relationships, Motivation and Leadership, Parenting and Education, Emotional Intelligence, Transitions in Life, Social Community, Quirky Quotes, Creativity, Proverbs, Humor - and many further topics in the Wisdom from the Heart section.
INSIDE-OUT BLOG 
Articles by Peter Shepherd and Wallace Huey. Imagine if the values of the heart could be brought into our families, communities, charities, organizations and businesses... what kind of a world would this create?
TRANS4MIND PODCASTS 
Audios by Peter Shepherd, focused on key personal development topics, to help advance your personal growth.
RAISE YOUR VIBRATION 
A free meditation program to help you experience the state of unconditional love - key to lasting joy and fulfillment in your life.
THE POSITIVE APPROACH 
Become more clear about your own identity, what you want in life - your life vision - and how to manifest your full potential.
THE AFTERLIFE 
If we do actually have a soul, then where does it go after death? Near-death experiences provide convincing answers.
ONLINE BOOKS 
Check out our fascinating collection of complete books for you to read online, including Peter Shepherd’s Transforming the Mind, which created the foundation of this site back in 1997.
EBOOK DOWNLOADS 
Over 250 PDFs to freely download covering many personal development topics - and including the range of Trans4mind publications.
KNOW YOUR OWN MIND 
Free personality test based on the Eysenck Personality Questionnaire. See yourself as others may see you, in a more objective light, so you can know yourself better.
PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT VIDEOS 
Watch our selection of over 400 personal development videos by top experts, offering many insights about mind, body and spirit.
AND LOTS MORE 
Our site is expansive, including loads of helpful resources. See what else we have.

Check out the menus on the top of every page too!

Hypnosis Downloads

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...
 

View all the Hypnosis Downloads here

Copyright © 1997-2018 Trans4mind Ltd
Terms of Use & Privacy Policy       Email Webmaster